To be scared of death?

[dragdownthemoon]

I am terrified of what happens after death. I have nightmares about it, I have panic attacks when I think about it. I don't want to be a ghost cursed to wander the earth alone or trapped in a hell dimension, or just all alone in the dark. No one knows what happens when we die and I am terrified of what will happen. I tried to talk to DH about it, he actually laughed at me and says he has no concept of why on earth I could be bothered by this.

Does anyone else get freaked out by the thought of what happens when we die? I am tormented by it and there is no escape, death is coming to us all

Yeh, the "just world hypothesis" is very strong in people isn't it headinhands - and people's need to stick to it.

And you can see why because it's scary to realize that random shit just happens and could strike you and your loved ones at any time.

But once you've experienced more of that for yourself it tends to force a more realistic world view. But people still want to tell me "I think everything happens for a reason, you just can't always see it at the time"

Lucky you if you can believe that. I happen to think you're almost certainly wrong ....

which is not to say that the human spirit isn't amazing and that hope cannot be found and much love shown to one another through some of life's most difficult times

Because if you believe in God you would also believe all the "lovely things"were created by Him. The miracle of life, the sun, the moon the stars.....if the sun was a fraction nearer or further from the earth life would be impossible. The odds that it was by chance are practically impossible, the universe is still growing, that means that it must have once started.
We have nothing to compare God with therefore it's wrong to even try and assume what he should or shouldn't be doing. Just because he doesn't appear to do things that we think he should do doesn't mean he doesn't exist...... "watching things happen that I couldn't just stand by and observe"......that really isn't an argument, we cannot possibly compare what we feel we would do. In what capacity would you have God intervene in everyday life, plucking a drowning man from the sea, standing in the middle of a fight, checking the faulty wiring in a house and fixing it. Something like a Heavenly superman? Because God doesn't live up to our expectations of what we want him to be, should that mean then that He doesn't exist.

It has clear moral boundaries

Which would be?

I think the fear of death and dying comes in waves. I had no fear at all for many years but DC coming along plus the death of several close relatives has had a powerful impact and at the minute I am very afraid and can't think about it all without crying.

I know that this is a mixture of grief and fear of leaving DC without a mother but I hope it passes soon as tbh it feels like it's sucking the joy out of life a bit at the minute It's also turning me into a hypochondriac!

Ironically one thing that is helping is filling in a journal for my DC - one of those ones where you write in details of your own childhood, memories of DC arriving and your hopes for their future. I feel as though once I get that done I will be able to relax a bit because I'll have said everything that needs to be said.

I do sometimes envy people who blunder through life without thinking about these things. I'm sure they're happier for it but it's not the way I'm made.

Headinhands I tend to be open minded about the bible, it can so easily be misconstrued.

I died once. I had meningococcal meningitis. I saw a very, very bright, blinding light. Felt warm and safe. Silhouettes of my Granddad, Great Grandmother and Grandmother watching me as I flared up towards them. I was so relieved to see them, felt wanted by them but they said to me to go back but I didn't want to.

I'm not scared anymore.

OP, you shouldn't fear death. I can understand a fear of the suffering before we die, but not a fear of death itself or what happens once we die.

Scientists can find no brain activity in dead bodies, meaning the 'self' you know now inside your head will have no experience of what is happening to you, nor feel trapped nor experience any of the things you can imagine feeling now in your present consciousness.

If we have souls (which I believe we do,) and they go somewhere (which I believe they do,) they are incredibly fluid. If there is a hell dimension, then there are almost certainly heavenly dimensions. One could not exist without the other.

I'm sure you've had that experience in life where if you think and believe positively about something, then your experience of it is positive, whatever the outcome. I think the same goes for your consciousness after death. Think bright, positive thoughts about humankind. Have faith. If not in a religion, then in human goodness and the gifts of life.

My dad is terminally ill and this thread is really helping me face my fears at the moment - thank you x

Irvin Yalom has written an interesting book called Staring at the Sun - Overcoming the Fear of Death

he believes that we all struggle with death anxiety but it is learning to accept that we just do not know what happens, we all die and by coming to terms with this you are able to live life and concentrate on what is happening in your life and enjoy life more (brief description)

It sounds like I would utterly agree with him

To those people that believe you're "greeted" or "welcomed" by grandparents or whichever loved ones have died before you. What about those people who didn't have loving relatives? My father is dead and he couldn't have cared less about me and nor could any of my grandparents. My mother is still alive and nearly 95 years old. If she dies before me, she won't be greeting me lovingly either. Not because I'm a horrible person, I was just unwanted, although extremely quiet and obedient as a child, so no trouble and I left home at 16. There will be no one waiting for me.

I'm sure somebody will be there for you gruntfuttock......probably someone you least expect, but they will be full of love for you.

no one really has the answer do they it is being at peace with your own belief that is important

it is surprising how many peoples beliefs are totally shaken when they face death or someone close to them has died. many suddenly question all that they thought to be it is very distressing for many as they search for answers

I do not believe in God I have no fear of heaven and hell just a fear of nothing but I may one day change my beliefs

I'm not scared of my own actual death. I am only terrified of not being here for my DC which is the only thing that has stopped me topping myself in some really hard times in the past. That is driven by my anxiety that I have to be in control to stop bad things happening to them (an impossible task I have set myself). The thought of me dying and then something happening to my DC that I may have been able to stop had I been here would drive me insane if I thought about it enough.

In an ideal world I will die in my 80's when my DC are all in middle age and hopefully able to take care of themselves and each other! I will consider myself very lucky if I get that old.

My newborn DD2 died 14 years ago and ever since then I have not been afraid of dying, as if she went through it, so can I.

I believe there is more than just 'stopping' though due to DD2 dying. Afterwards for quite a few weeks, I felt like there was something with me, watching me, not frighteningly so but very disconcerting. I did not suffer from the extreme anxiety back then that I suffer from now and was pretty laid back up to that happening, steadfastly atheist (still am) furiously so then, and sceptical of 'woo' stuff.

My DD1 sensed that she had gone (and told my sister who was babysitting her that at the around the time she died though she had no way of knowing that it had happened), she was in bed at home 3 miles from the hospital. That is something we have never been able to explain and we have tried and tried! Looking back some other odd things happened, especially at the funeral, could have been grief playing tricks on me but I prefer to think not.

So sorry for your loss bubble girl.

Exactly bubblegirl, if people we loved died we can go through it too. Sorry for your loss

People who say 'I havent read the whole thread....BUT' get on 'my bits.' BUT I havent read the whole thread. All I can say is that since 1981 I have lost one of my precious twin sons (aged 6 months - 33 years ago) and my DS3 killed in a horrific road accident (aged 7 years - 22 years ago). I am tremendously lucky to have my DTS1 and DS4 (now 17 - born when I was almost 41).

Last year I lost my precious, amazing, strong Dad. He had oral cancer. My lovely Mum has had to go in a nursing home because she has advanced Alzheimers.

They were married almost 60 years.

All I can say is love, laugh, cry, bond, hug, kiss, argue, fight, laugh, cheer, tease......and all other human emotions. Life is so very short. Make precious memories and enjoy every single second of every single day. Even if the day is very long and the money that you have to go around is very low.

Dont be afraid of death......please. Just make the most of evey day that you are still here xx

It is basically a win win situation. The Christian life is a great model to follow.It has clear moral boundaries. It encourages us to be loving and caring for others. It encourages us to be unconcerned with wealth and posessions and status. It exhorts us to see all people as equal and valued and loved and it promises us eternal life

Hmm. Yeah, I heard that argument a lot when I was involved with evangelical groups. But I know many many people who live that sort of life without being Christian. They cannot make themselves believe that they have to be saved. That means they will not go to heaven, right? Where will they go?

What kind of clear moral boundaries do you mean? No abortion? No contraception? No pre-marital sex? No gay relationships?

Or is it just no stealing, no adultery, no killing - that sort of thing? Because I don't think Christians are unique in thinking that (latter) stuff's wrong.

Wise words, shabbs. How strong you sound.

I'm sorry to hear of your precious lost babies - and yours, BubbleGirl.

I grew up as a Christian and it wasn't until I was an adult I ever questioned the whole Heaven, life out of death thing. I am terrified of death as the idea of just not existing freaks me out. I felt a lot more peace, in a lot of ways, when I just didn't question my parent's faith!

Because if you believe in God you would also believe all the "lovely things"were created by Him. The miracle of life, the sun, the moon the stars.

What about the horrible things like viruses and bacteria and things like toxocara and guinea worm? cancers and tumours and so on?

Even if it was 200 years ago and you had an excuse to not know about cosmology and evolution then how does one leap from 'a god did it..' all the way to '....and it just happens to be the god that most people in my culture at this time in history believe in', that's the real fluke. If you were born somewhere else and at another time in history it would be a completely different god, but it just so happens that you were born in the place and at the time that humans had the right god.

It exhorts us to see all people as equal and valued and loved and it promises us eternal life

unless you're a woman, or a Canaanite, or an Amalekite, or gay etc etc. The bible is so full of god not valuing people, remember the flood? And before you cry 'that's the Old Testament' (because of course that makes drowning babies okay) Jesus dabbled in casual racism. Your code of valuing people as all equal is not biblically based by any stretch.

we cannot possibly compare what we feel we would do. ...Because God doesn't live up to our expectations of what we want him to be, should that mean then that He doesn't exist.

It sounds like you're suspending your normal moral code to judge god, which is a little scary, actually VERY scary. See, if you have to switch off your internal moral values to accept god then you're not using your conscience, that's just blind obedience. In every other situation you would judge how good something is using your logic and sense of right and wrong yeah? But you're saying that when it comes to god, you have to ignore that sense of right and wrong? But surely god expected you to use that sense of right and wrong to become a christian, but then you need to turn it off in order to not question why he watches innocent children suffer? Can you not see how that makes no logical sense.

As for saying him not behaving how we want isn't proof he doesn't exist. You haven't established that he does exist yet. You're working backwards. Did you start off assuming all gods were real? How did you decide the other god's weren't real? Was it because they behaved how you thought they would which proved they weren't real?? Honestly, your line of reasoning is all over the place and almost impossible to follow.

it's wrong to even try and assume what he should or shouldn't be doing

Why? Is it wrong to assume what humans should be doing? If you knew someone had watched a child be abused and did nothing how are you able to judge that inaction as morally repugnant? Why do you hold that human to a higher standard than god? Why should that person act?

It is basically a win win situation.

That's assuming you've got the right god. How can you be sure it isn't one of the other gods that humans do or have believed in? They are or were just as utterly convinced as you are, they have/had as much evidence etc etc.