To be scared of death?

[dragdownthemoon]

I am terrified of what happens after death. I have nightmares about it, I have panic attacks when I think about it. I don't want to be a ghost cursed to wander the earth alone or trapped in a hell dimension, or just all alone in the dark. No one knows what happens when we die and I am terrified of what will happen. I tried to talk to DH about it, he actually laughed at me and says he has no concept of why on earth I could be bothered by this.

Does anyone else get freaked out by the thought of what happens when we die? I am tormented by it and there is no escape, death is coming to us all

I don't think it's realistic to think God should interfere in atrocities that aren't of his doing. What would he do? give them a heart attack or something

Is it realistic to expect me to report child abuse if I suspect it is happening? Would it be moral for me to not intervene so as not to meddle with someone's free will? Would you consider me highly moral if I explained that I didn't intervene in abuse because I didn't think I should affect the abusers free will?

Why do you hold humans to a higher moral expectation than god?

In Acts 5 two people are struck dead for lying about how much money they earned from the sale of a field. God got pissed off enough to act then.

Maybe I'm mistaken and you're not Christian but if you are the bible is chocka with instances of god interfering with people's free will, like the flood and the genocide.

I enjoyed that post headinhands - must look up Acts 5

I kind of agree that people have quite low expectations of God considering he's meant to be all the omni's - omnipotent, omniscient etc (all knowing and able to do anything)

All I care about is my children or dh dying before me.

A few years back we heard dd was in a fatal accident abroad and we didn't know if she was dead or alive.

No hell could have been worse than those few hours.

I heard an interview on the radio once, with two women who were 'soul midwives'.

People who have no family can hire them to be with them when they die, much like a doula does for a pregnant woman.
They both said that every single person they had helped to pass called out the name of a loved one as they went; that helps me, when I think of how it might be for me, or how it was for my very wonderful Gran who died just recently.

I said in an earlier post I will not argue about religion. people either believe or they don't. It's so easy for those who don't to blame everything that is bad in the world on God.
"Some people complain that God puts thorns on roses, while others praise God for putting roses amongst thorns" (writer unknown)
You obviously don't believe headinhands, have some respect for those that do. If I didn't believe in something I wouldn't even be bothered to rage about it. There is no point in raging about something that doesn't exist is there?

If I didn't believe in something I wouldn't even be bothered to rage about it. There is no point in raging about something that doesn't exist is there

Except that the teaching of that mythology can cause huge grief and distress to people. Much of my young life was blighted by the belief that I would never be good enough to be saved, that I was constantly backsliding, that other loved ones wouldn't be saved...not exactly a recipe for contentment, is it? So yes, I'm bitter.

It makes me rage that most religions are misogynist, that people around the world are kept in check by their religion - almost always run by men in fancy clothes with special powers conferred on them by other men in even fancier clothes. How could I not care about that?

I also worry I will go whilst ds is young. I think 'if I can make it till he gets married I'll be ok'! I worry dh will marry someone that will be unkind to ds.
And I worry about hell! But I am also hard on myself, I 'condemn' myself to hell for things I never would for others.

"They both said that every single person they had helped to pass called out the name of a loved one as they went; that helps me"

Hmmm. If I died tomorrow there simply wouldn't be "a loved one" that had died before me. There is only my husband and daughter that have ever loved me and I sincerely I hope I die before they do.

I once read that your memory is the last to shut down when the brain dies, which ties in with the popular image of reliving your whole life in a few seconds and then being 'met' by a loved one.

As all electrical activity in the brain flickers out, the tunnel leading to a bright light imagery that is also popular may just be reflective of that.

I'm trying to comfort myself with the science of it, and come from a background where I've been present at both my father's and Grandpa's deaths, lived with a funeral director for years, lost a baby, and recently nearly potentially lost my boyfriend to heart attack.

My death anxiety is overwhelming and keeps me awake at night, mainly the thought of my two young children growing up without me, as family circumstances are complicated meaning I can't decide who they should go to in the unlikely event of
It isn't death I fear then I suppose, but leaving my helpless children. Perhaps I need to address that more seriously and my anxiety may alleviate. Hmm. Never occurred to me until now.

I'm comforted by the posters above who explained that we are unconscious of existence before birth, so death will be the same.

There's no heaven apart from the one you take with you, so make your life a happy one to remember by.

I also have just realised I was nevr afraid of death until having children.

Can I add as a nurse I have been in the room and holding hands with people while they die.

It's hard to describe but if you imagine the old Tom and Gerry cartoons where the cat looses a life and he floats out of his body?

It's a bit similar in that the persons face changes, almost collapses and the alive person becomes a definite dead person in a second.

Like the soul had left the body.

It's a huge change. No dead body looks like it could talk or rise up.

Just saying as an observation.

There is no point in raging about something that doesn't exist is there?

God may or may not exist, but religion most definitely does exist, and while it is a source of comfort for many, it is also undoubtedly a source of pain and grief for too many, whether they believe or not.

It is sadly all too easy to 'rage' about that, and it is the reason why agnostics and atheists often have very strong, passionate opinions on the matter.

Please don't blame God for all of the bad in the world, you should be blaming the devil. When my husband died young of cancer, did I blame God? Of course not, he didn't cause my husband to die. My husband died as he didn't think his long family history of bowel cancer would affect him. My husband made that choice, not God. I am not sure why if evil does something it is Gods fault for not intervening, I am not going to pretend to know all of the answers I dont. I use to blame God for any bad things that happened, until one day I realised. X

have some respect for those that do

Can you quote where I was disrespectful to you? I'm fairly certain I haven't been.

If I didn't believe in something I wouldn't even be bothered to rage about it

I'm not raging. What I am interested in is how you, and others who share a similar belief get your notion of a loving god to logically tally up with reality. I assumed that by your responses you were happy to engage with me. You don't need to, you are happy to ignore if you feel uncomfortable answering.

It's so easy for those who don't to blame everything that is bad in the world on God

Again I am not blaming your god because I can't see how he logically exists, that's the point of my post, trying to get you to succinctly explain how you fit it together in light of the yawning intellectual chasm between what you believe and what we both know to be reality of life on earth.

The bible is full of instances of god behaving very badly, ordering people to kill entire nations including tiny babies, although in some instances he said they were allowed to keep the virgins to take as brides. Can you imagine how traumatic that was, watching someone slit the throats of your whole family and to then have to marry them. Then there was the flood, the lifeless bodies of thousands of babies and tiny children floating face down in the water directly because of god.

If you say 'well the bible was how people interpreted what was happening and I am sure god didn't actually say/do that' then you have to apply that same interpretation over the whole bible and accept that Jesus probably didn't say what the bible says he did, or do what the bible says he did. You can't apply a separate model of interpretation for the bits that are horrible and the bits that are fluffy, not if you want to respect logic. This is without the day to day inconsistencies your own practice reveals. And I was exactly the same when I was a Christian. I'd pray every day about the little things and the big things, 'lord help me get this essay done' 'lord, make Gary's back better' all the while ignoring the fact that innocent people were starving to death that he was ignoring while I expected him to shut the neighbours kids up so I could read my text book in peace.

Any anger I do feel is towards myself and how I believed it for so long. How I thought the creator of the universe would meddle in my life while knowing that all the time somewhere something unspeakably horrific was happening to innocent children and I still expected him to help me. I am so ashamed of myself.

There is no point in raging about something that doesn't exist is there?

And for something that doesn't exist, it has quite the stranglehold over entire countries' politics, and even something as all-encompassing as the UK's education system.

Again, more than enough reason for non-believers to rage over it.

Davsmum.....it was someone a few posts up who mentioned they couldn't forgive if remorse wasn't shown, did you give them that advice too.
Who is being good to "save their soul", I hope you're not referring to me, how can you, you don't know me. But actually being good to people comes naturally to me, how about you. You seem very judgemental.
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Why do you think the saving the soul bit referred to you? It referred to anyone whose intention for being good is to save their own soul - Only you know if that applies to you.
Saying that forgiveness is best for oneself is not 'advice' it is a fact that holding onto resentment and hatred harms us. You can forgive a person without condoning their actions.
I was stating what I believe to be true.

Well I wouldn't be able to forgive someone who wasn't remorseful

The word forgive has too many religious, almost childish/childlike connotations really doesn't it. I think a better word is understand maybe.

Like all of us I have been hurt and in most cases I can understand how that person made the decisions that hurt me, maybe some time after the event though. I might not think I would make those decisions, I can't be sure, I might still hurt or feel angry if I dwell on it, but I understand how someone could make those decisions if they were in that position. Likewise I would hope people I have hurt could also see it similarly philosophically.

This model obviously isn't going to work with or for everyone. I do know it's not necessary to have a belief in a personal god to see the counter-productiveness of carrying around a list of grudges, in the same way that having a faith doesn't stop people being crotchety and cantankerous.

You speak a lot of sense headinhands (and nice to see you on the other thread too supporting the person who says she is losing her faith ATM)
Just wanted to say don't feel ashamed of what you used to believe, surely it is very understandable in our society that your younger self believed those things for a while. Christian teaching and practice is not without some positives? however difficult the intellectual chasm can eventually become?
I've walked a similar path to you I'd say, and think you could have more compassion for your younger self!
It's all been an interesting journey is how I see it. With many interesting things and experiences yet to share with others on the road ahead?

What I don't understand is, if people truly do not believe in God they wouldn't feel the need to deny so vehemently His existence. If something didn't exist why then have such strong feelings about it. Surely you wouldn't bother. It just makes me wonder.

All of these people who don't believe in God, do you celebrate Christmas? The birth of his son? Seems silly to celebrate a day that you don't believe in.