Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of death?

487 replies

dragdownthemoon · 14/02/2015 02:11

I am terrified of what happens after death. I have nightmares about it, I have panic attacks when I think about it. I don't want to be a ghost cursed to wander the earth alone or trapped in a hell dimension, or just all alone in the dark. No one knows what happens when we die and I am terrified of what will happen. I tried to talk to DH about it, he actually laughed at me and says he has no concept of why on earth I could be bothered by this.

Does anyone else get freaked out by the thought of what happens when we die? I am tormented by it and there is no escape, death is coming to us all

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 18/02/2015 08:42

Headinhands , I am not sure this is the right place to get into yet another debate about morals. I have said enough times before on other threads that I am not claiming Christians are the only people with morals, although I do believe it is God who gave us consciences. What I meant is that by choosing to try and live my life as Jesus did,the New Testament tells me enough about his life for me to aspire to. Coupled with the command to 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart,soul and mind and love your neighbour as yourself.' I wonder if you asked the woman in Matthew 15 what she thought of Jesus she would say 'he was a racist' or she would say 'he healed my daughter'. It is very easy to pick one story to try and prove a point but if you look at the whole picture,you know as well as I do that despite living in a society that was very entrenched in racism/sexism, Jesus was incredibly countercultural and mixed with tax collectors,lepers,prostitutes,Samaritans etc etc.

Davsmum · 18/02/2015 08:44

There are so many questions about how we view all this..
Why do we assume that viruses and bacteria are horrible? In the grand scheme of things they exist as we exist. The fact they can do us harm does not mean they are bad and we are good. What about the harm WE do to other species?
Are Humans so arrogant to think they are more valuable than other life forms?

Why do we, as mothers think our children cannot cope if anything happens to us. Yes, it is tragic if a child loses a parent but it does not necessarily mean they cannot be loved and thrive without us.
The fear comes from within us. It may be an instinct that exists so we always protect out children?

headinhands · 18/02/2015 09:35

Why do we assume that viruses and bacteria are horrible

Is that what you said when your kids got called up for their immunisations?

headinhands · 18/02/2015 09:39

What about the harm WE do to other species?
Are Humans so arrogant to think they are more valuable than other life forms?

Well god seemed to think so when he set up the whole animal sacrifice for atonement of sins model. But seriously, we tend to try to limit the harm other animals/organisms do to us, because we don't like to see other humans suffer. Clearly we generally don't like seeing animals suffer but on the scale of things we value our own kind over other species. I don't see how the harm we do to animals is an argument for god's existance, or rather your god, can you explain the connection again?

SomewhereIBelong · 18/02/2015 09:43

(there are more bacterial cells in the human body than human ones... do they "think" of us as God, home or food?)

headinhands · 18/02/2015 09:48

I wonder if you asked the woman in Matthew 15 what she thought of Jesus she would say 'he was a racist' or she would say 'he healed my daughter'.

But you're setting him us as the ultimate moral teacher, perfect in every way. And yet here we see him behaving in a way that any Dr would be struck off for. You said that you copied his example of treating everyone equally, but he didn't, so you're actually, and thankfully, using your own advanced 21st century morals which are actually superior to Jesus'. I doubt you would talk like that to a modern day Canaanite and would be disgusted if you heard someone do so. So how come Jesus is doing it and you're unconcerned? And if we say 'well, it was a different culture' then you knock the legs off your own argument about god being the author of absolute morality.

headinhands · 18/02/2015 09:49

there are more bacterial cells in the human body than human ones

I heard that the other day. Mind blown. Our body is not our own is it.

headinhands · 18/02/2015 09:57

I do believe it is God who gave us consciences

A conscience that balks at most of the Old Testament. A conscience he appears to expect you to switch off so as not to be concerned by him being casually racist of drowning babies.

You said We have nothing to compare God with therefore it's wrong to even try yet you stated above that you think he gave you the same moral code he follows, only it's not the same, because you wouldn't behave that way, and you would act to prevent child abuse wherever you could. His moral code is significantly inferior to yours.

headinhands · 18/02/2015 10:02

I am not sure this is the right place to get into yet another debate about morals.

Ah humour me, it's half term and I've got housework to avoid.

ClockwiseCat · 18/02/2015 10:16

I think an indepth argument of the merits or lack of merits in Christianity is out of place on this thread. People have shared their personal fears and many, like me, have no faith. Please don't derail a helpful thread with theology.

This thread for me is about making peace with our humanity, not about faith.

headinhands · 18/02/2015 10:36

To be fair the conversation has swung round to theology in light of posters sharing their faith and beliefs about what happens after death as it would on a thread about death.

marthasmith · 18/02/2015 10:45

If you were born somewhere else and at another time in history it would be a completely different god, but it just so happens that you were born in the place and at the time that humans had the right god......... Because I believe that the soul doesn't die then I can only presume that we've had many lives on this earth. I believe that we are constantly reborn. God has been constant throughout.

headinhands · 18/02/2015 10:54

I believe that we are constantly reborn.

Who decides where you are reborn, and why? What about babies that don't make it. Who in their right mind would decide that someone should be born in such and such a place with such and such a fatal disease that would kill them in infancy? The thought of some higher power sitting somewhere thinking 'right, now this time they should be born in, erm, Africa, yeah Africa to a mother with HIV who dies soon after, yeah that's good, and then they should suffer a short life with no access to healthcare before dying themselves, yeah, that's the next life for them, sorted'.

Davsmum · 18/02/2015 10:59

Why do we assume that viruses and bacteria are horrible
Is that what you said when your kids got called up for their immunisations?
--------------

I was talking about in the larger scale of things. Why do we assume WE are more important than other life forms? But I think you knew that.
Of course they are a danger to us, and of course we will protect ourselves from them.

Davsmum · 18/02/2015 11:03

I said that to address the constantly asked question why God lets us suffer. Why he doesn't stop bad things happening.
It isn't an argument for God's existence but I don't think the argument that he can't exist because he lets bad things happen is a valid argument against his existence.
I don't believe in the God that many people believe in.

Nightingalemumoftwo · 18/02/2015 11:11

YANBU at being scared of death itself
YABU at being scared of the afterlife, as there is no such thing.

headinhands · 18/02/2015 11:15

It isn't an argument for God's existence but I don't think the argument that he can't exist because he lets bad things happen is a valid argument against his existence

It is an argument against a god that has been defined as being a certain way. It's not a valid argument against a non-interventionalist god, but it is very much a valid argument against a god who is labeled as loving and concerned with humans and who is able to interact with the physical world. If you make no claims about what god's personality is like then that's fine, you can keep him, but once you even begin to make out he even has a passing care about us, that's when you spring a leak.

Davsmum · 18/02/2015 11:36

Can't argue with that, headinhands..unless you throw in the argument that he gave us free will and that everything happens for a 'reason'

Seriously, though, I agree with you. A loving God, if you believe in him, would not allow suffering.

marthasmith · 18/02/2015 12:58

Maybe we decide where we want to be reborn, when we die there may be different levels and we have to go through different journeys on earth to get near to Him, some journeys maybe very hard, who knows what different lives we have all lived in the past, I bet they weren't all good ones.... who knows the answers, we could sit here till the cows come home and not one single possible thing would get resolved.We don't know the answers, every thing can be interpreted in different ways just like the bible. We always seem to get bogged down with this "a loving God wouldn't let bad things happen"..... What makes us feel we should be living in an Utopia style existence on earth where nothing bad ever happens, isn't that what Heaven is supposed to be, why do we expect that on earth. Nobody knows the answers in this life anyway.

Davsmum · 18/02/2015 13:03

We just make up all these 'theories' We don't know and there is no point in worrying about something we can't escape. Millions have died before us and will continue to do so.
Instead of worrying about our own death we should be more concerned about other people who die too soon, unnecesarily......and then we will slowly go mad.

marthasmith · 18/02/2015 13:12

Of course we don't know, everyone is entitled to their own views. It's interesting to hear them.

headinhands · 18/02/2015 13:38

What makes us feel we should be living in an Utopia style existence on earth

it would be nice wouldn't it, and humans have spent a lot of time and money trying to eradicate suffering through vaccinations and education etc. Would you not alleviate suffering wherever you could? Is that not the general, feeble as we are, human response to witnessing pain in another human?

headinhands · 18/02/2015 13:40

we could sit here till the cows come home and not one single possible thing would get resolved

actually I found it helpful to read threads like this when I was going through my deconversion, and I like to think our meanderings might be helpful to someone else, might not be at the moment but someone might stumble across it at a later date and it might help.

marthasmith · 18/02/2015 13:51

Because if God prevented all suffering or intervened when anything bad happened that would be a Utopia style existence, and I don't think that is what we are on this earth for. Just because we think He should, but don't see evidence that he has, does not equate to, "well there can't be any God then".

marthasmith · 18/02/2015 13:56

I like to think our meanderings might be helpful to someone else, might not be at the moment but someone might stumble across it at a later date and it might help......... It would be nice if they came on here wouldn't it and told us wouldn't it. See who had the most persuavive argument.