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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be irritated by my 6yo dd receiving a valentine gift at school today?

311 replies

ineverthoughtidsaythis · 13/02/2015 21:12

Handed to her today by a boy in her class. It slightly embarrassed and confused her and we just think she's far too young. Her excellent school has drummed into the kids that there are no boyfriends for some time yet and she's a great little girl who clearly feels that she can't chat to us about it because it's not quite right. Both me and dh are cross. Feel free to tell us to lighten up.

OP posts:

Justwhy · 13/02/2015 22:31

I'm so glad I'm not going to be in your house when she turns 13!

tobysmum77 · 13/02/2015 22:31

hahaha I love hearing about the boys who want tip marry dd she's always totally like but I dont want to marry him .

It's always about how she is good at hanging upside down or beat them at running or something. Its really sweet, they are just making sense of the world around them.

So yabu

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 22:32

I should think she is very confused now with such an OTT reaction.

Dafspunk · 13/02/2015 22:34

This is really sad. I grew up in a home where there was never any talk of boyfriends, girlfriends, fancying someone, dating... no teasing, no joking and certainly never any sex talk. We were brought up to think that relationships were not to be talked about and therefore, something to be embarrassed of. Even though we are all now in our 30s, we are all totally closed off in that respect and I have never met any of my siblings' partners although I know there must have been some.

Anyway OP, it's not too late! Have a wee joke with your DD about it. Tell her how nice it is that someone thought so highly of her to give her a special gift and make her feel good about it.

usualsuspect333 · 13/02/2015 22:34

It's got nothing to do with adult romantic relationships to 6 year olds.

It's just a day to celebrate. I can't imagine getting het up about it.

HandMini · 13/02/2015 22:35

I think Valentines Day is a celebration of love in a nice broad sense these days (mainly to entice as much commerciality into it as poss!!).

My daughter has made cards for about 5 people (and weirdly a cup!) at nursery. My mum has sent me a card. I have got my DH a t-shirt and a card. My childminder bought by DC heart chocs today.

Obviously these are different types of love, but rest assured, it's pretty well established to celebrate Val's Day at the "friend end" of the love spectrum, and also rest assured that this is all the gift was.

revealall · 13/02/2015 22:36

Well like all these things it wasn't started as a "commercial construct" was it. There is history behind it so teach her about the history if you are worried she is mis understanding something.
Or don't even worry about six year olds giving gifts/ cards to each other..

Original poster

ineverthoughtidsaythis · 13/02/2015 22:38

Eh? She's really social and has loads of friends - boys and girls. She doesn't get why a boy who is not one of her closer mates is giving her a present and why that makes him her "boyfriend" according to her classmates. She's six. And we all complain about kids growing up too quickly. This is all about not projecting adult concepts on to children, not the other way around.
Bring it on, but I think nursery children going on "dates" is totally weirdo.

OP posts:

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 13/02/2015 22:40

Wow. Well done op for raising your six year old to already have relationship ishooooo.

PeppermintPasty · 13/02/2015 22:41

Bloody hell op. My 4 yo has a best friend who is a boy. She loves him, has 'snogged' him (kissed him on the lips on the bus, apparently). He wants to marry her, tells her if you don't get married you die (- I always thought it was the other way round ).She doesn't want to marry him, but thinks she might have a baby, though not necessarily his.

-these are all regular snippets of conversation she has with me, in amongst all the other madness that concerns 4 year olds. It's just normal nonsense.

Let it go, as she would say.

KarmaViolet · 13/02/2015 22:42

Evidently in the minority but I think YANBU OP. My DD is 3 months old and has already had some idiot well intentioned person cooing about her having a "little boyfriend" at baby group when she was lying next to a boy-baby. I think ascribing romantic intentions to infants is totally unnecessary and sets them up to believe you can't be just friends with a member of the opposite sex. Yuck. And then by 13 they're wailing in corners if they didn't get any / enough valentines cards, because they've already learned to value themselves by attractiveness measured in gifts.

Then again I'd quite happily see valentines day abolished altogether, it's a festering commercial boil on the arse of merchandise, commemorating the cheerful occasion of someone being beaten unconscious and beheaded. Mmm, pass the prosecco and chocolate hearts.

(I don't care if IABU )

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 22:43

She really isn't growing up too quickly- you are the one making it a 'grown up' issue, but since you can't see it I doubt whether you will!

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 13/02/2015 22:44

It would just be a play date FFS!

What doesn't she get? Have you told her what Valentine day is? That people who think we are nice/kind can send us a card to let us know.. Sometimes people send them in secret as they may be too shy.

Don't make it in to a big drama.

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 22:44

It has given me a laugh anyway- the madness of MN- night all.

vestandknickers · 13/02/2015 22:47

I love that everyone is telling OP she's a loon, but she's still insisting she's right.

usualsuspect333 · 13/02/2015 22:47

I don't care much for Valentines day as an adult. But a 6 year old hasn't developed my sense of cynicism. It's just an excuse to give someone a present or card to a child.

It's no more than that.

morethanpotatoprints · 13/02/2015 22:48

My ds bth got cards about this age, if you speak to them about it it won't be a big deal.
Its not romantic at this age, its a celebration of friendship/liking a person.
you and your dh are making it into something it isn't.

TheFriar · 13/02/2015 22:48

Well I agree with OP too.
Valentines day is about romantic relationship between adults.
I'm unconfortable with this idea that it's normal that 6yo (or 9yo or 10yo for that matter) to talk about giving something to their 'boyfriend' or 'girldfriend'. They are NOT boyfriend or girlfriend.

Or you consider it's just a nice time where you give a gift to someone you like. Which is one thing (and I wouldn't have an issue with that) but that's not Valentines Day unless the meaning of Valentines Day has changed so much wo me noticing or wo the card makers etc noticing either

Laquitar · 13/02/2015 22:48

Topseyt
that made me laugh!

At least they didn't request cash instead of gifts!

browneyedgirl86 · 13/02/2015 22:48

Yabu and quite frankly weird! Get a grip, she's 6 and it is only a huge deal If you make it so.

Mamiof3 · 13/02/2015 22:49

You sound like you are just massively over thinking things in general

Did you perchance read a lot of parenting books?

Good luck with teenagedom!!! You'll need wine.

squoosh · 13/02/2015 22:50

'This is all about not projecting adult concepts on to children, not the other way around.'

Then stop seeing it as an romantic adult act. It was a sweet gesture from a 6 year old.

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 13/02/2015 22:50

karma that is the funniest post ice ever seen on here sh bless you. You have no idea !

Valentine's is a family affair in this house. Dd2 has made a picture for her dad and sister (dd1- 19) and a box of chocs to give her. DP and I have already exchanged gifts - I've been spoilt

There is no wailing 13 year olds in this house!

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 13/02/2015 22:52

thefriar says who? Why can't every one enjoy it? Or do people think it's going to encourage underage sex ??

gallopinghorse · 13/02/2015 22:54

my 6 yo dd has already decided which boy in her class she is going to marry! Not sure if he knows it tho!

she's also said that she never wants to move out of home so not sure how that's going to work!

valentines can also be about showing you care about a friend or family its not all romantic.

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