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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated by my 6yo dd receiving a valentine gift at school today?

311 replies

ineverthoughtidsaythis · 13/02/2015 21:12

Handed to her today by a boy in her class. It slightly embarrassed and confused her and we just think she's far too young. Her excellent school has drummed into the kids that there are no boyfriends for some time yet and she's a great little girl who clearly feels that she can't chat to us about it because it's not quite right. Both me and dh are cross. Feel free to tell us to lighten up.

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 13/02/2015 22:02

My 4 year old ds is in preschool and his best friend is a girl. He made her a valentines card as she is his best friend

RaggyAnnie · 13/02/2015 22:02

I'm holding out for a love log now. Much better than the predictable chocolates/flowers.

MisForMumNotMaid · 13/02/2015 22:02

What exactly has been proposed here? Has the present giver said, written or implied that they want some sort of adult relationship?

If you've only experienced Valentines as an adult to adult thing and are thinking sexual conotations then I could almost see where you're coming from.

I really doubt that this was the angle the parents of this no doubt also innocent and probably very sweet little boy came from. A little boy appreciates the friendship of a little girl, thinks shes sweet/ pretty/ clever whatever and buys her a gift on a day where boys and girls exchange gifts as a mark of admiration for each other.

Step back have a large Wine and hopefully find peace with the situation.

Its concerning that your 6 year old feels there are things she shouldn't discuss with you. I'd have a think on why that might be. Is it just a phase or is it possible that she feels you shoot the messenger when she tells you about worries in her life?

PtolemysNeedle · 13/02/2015 22:05

I'm finding it hard to imagine a situation where a school would need to drum into 6 year olds that they're not allowed boyfriends or girlfriends, I work in a school and children do this stuff harmlessly all the time.

We don't have a problem when they imitate astronauts, or police officers, or racing car drivers, or teachers, so why do we have to have a problem with them imitating one of the things in life they see the most through their parents, grandparents and friends parents?

What is sad is not that six year olds call each other boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes, but that adults have to attach something sexually romantic to children just learning through playing around with the ideas they have of the world around them.

Why shouldn't valentines day be about the types of love that children know as well? We have love for more people that just the one we want to have sex with.

hmc · 13/02/2015 22:05

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youmakemydreams · 13/02/2015 22:05

Beach I have a chest infection I don't need to laugh that hard right now Grin

YABU too young for what? it is all so innocent. Ds2 had a 'girlfriend' in nursery last year and he even took her to Pizza Hut for dinner. The joke of the day was it was the girls first date and the mother had to help the boy get onto the toilet. The boy obviously likes your dd and has done something lovely and thoughtful by buying her a gift. If he had bought her a chocolate egg at Easter you wouldn't be up in arms so why now? It is THAT innocent to them at that age. Just another occasion to give a little gift.

hmc · 13/02/2015 22:09

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Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 22:10

Are we supposed to take this seriously?
If it is a serious first post then I do think you need to lighten up - it is all very sweet and no need to read anything into it.

KikitheKitKat · 13/02/2015 22:15

The school are BU to 'forbid' boyfriends - it makes it all seem so serious and obviously gives the children a weird impression of friendship between boys and girls. They probably will all rebel and be pregnant by 13!

capercaillie · 13/02/2015 22:15

OP - I'm with you on this. The likelihood is that the parents collaborated in or encouraged this.

Valentine's day is not something that age group should need to worry or know about. I've heard of 3 year old giving Valentine's gifts this week - it's all the parents.

Tizwailor · 13/02/2015 22:18

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Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 22:21

Good gracious- they are 6 yrs old! My son was marrying a girl in his class at that age- is OP suggesting I should have taken this seriously? Hmm

Allthenamesareusedup · 13/02/2015 22:21

My dd is six and they made Valentines cards at Rainbows last night. She made four for boys in her class and they read "to X, happy Valentine's Day, love dd" I think she sees it a bit like xmas cards. I do hope I haven't offended the parents letting her hand them out, no one seemed bothered about it at the time. Hey ho. It is a bit ridiculous of a Rainbows tho, Ds was at Cubs at the time orienteering and lighting fires....

lomega · 13/02/2015 22:22

Wow lighten up, she's 6 fgs. What do you possibly imagine the valentine means? it's innocent, this little boy doesn't have some sort of crude intention towards your dd Confused

There are lots of worse things to be concerned about in life

Original poster
ineverthoughtidsaythis · 13/02/2015 22:23

It's a serious post. I've read all your responses - thank you. We have a really close relationship with our daughter and she's enormously happy and well adjusted and chats away to us about anything that's bothering her. She was just a bit confused about this and I suspect she's working it through and will raise it in her own good time. I just don't think a commercial construct designed for adult romantic relationships has any place in a year one class. Easter and Christmas are very different things.

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 22:23

Why do people spoil the innocence of childhood by getting uptight about things that don't matter?

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 22:24

'Working through it' at 6yrs old- wow- I am speechless.

Nicknacky · 13/02/2015 22:25

What is she so confused about? That someone has shown that they like her?

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 22:25

Do not dump all this adult stuff on your DD- poor little thing.

Only1scoop · 13/02/2015 22:25

'Why so confused'

sweetsomethings · 13/02/2015 22:26

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vestandknickers · 13/02/2015 22:27

OP. You're bonkers. Massively other-thinking this and confusing your DD.

lomega · 13/02/2015 22:29

Honestly I think an innocent act has been turned into something bigger that it's not. I really do think if she is 'confused' that a brief explanation about what valentines day is would surely do the trick? Chances are she's going to get valentines greetings again growing up (I did throughout school, it was just a bit of fun until secondary school), even if you don't like it/she doesn't 'get it' then just saying "some people like to give cards/gifts/poems on Feb 14th, it's an old romantic tradition, but you don't need to do it" would probably help her to feel comfortable.

Froggio · 13/02/2015 22:29

I remember having a crush on a boy when I was that age. I drew him a lovely valentines card. It was all so innocent I think I would have been more confused if my parents had got cross with it. Cross with what exactly.

squoosh · 13/02/2015 22:31

Little boys have had innocent crushes on little girls for as long as there have been 6 year old boys and 6 year old girls on the planet.

You and your DH are 'cross'? You and your DH need to chill out.

YABU.

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