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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated by my 6yo dd receiving a valentine gift at school today?

311 replies

ineverthoughtidsaythis · 13/02/2015 21:12

Handed to her today by a boy in her class. It slightly embarrassed and confused her and we just think she's far too young. Her excellent school has drummed into the kids that there are no boyfriends for some time yet and she's a great little girl who clearly feels that she can't chat to us about it because it's not quite right. Both me and dh are cross. Feel free to tell us to lighten up.

OP posts:
clary · 13/02/2015 22:54

Yes I agree with others here - didn't you have a "boyfriend" when you were 6 OP? You are massively overthinking both this and your daughter's response, which must in some way be sparked by your reaction?

I recall going round the corner to DD's boyfriend at about 6 or 7yo to deliver a Valentine's gift - his mum later thanked us for coming in the morning as they were going to have to wait in until we called Grin

They are in the same form at secondary now (13/14yo) and it never went much further than the V Day gift AFAIK. DD seems to have survived the whole trauma unscathed.

I had a boy I talked a lot about when I was 5 and had just started school - there is a lad in one of my classes with the same name now (I am 51) - I told my mum and she was highly amused. Again, David Simpson being my boyfriend at age 5 has not harmed me.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/02/2015 22:55

Yabvvu, iValentines day is not just about sex, but friendship and love. Poor boy, he just gave her a nice gift ffs. Get a grip!

squoosh · 13/02/2015 22:56

'Then again I'd quite happily see valentines day abolished altogether, it's a festering commercial boil on the arse of merchandise, commemorating the cheerful occasion of someone being beaten unconscious and beheaded. Mmm, pass the prosecco and chocolate hearts.'

Gimme your address. I'll send you a Terry's Chocolate Orange (with only a couple of segments missing), that will melt your flinty heart.

hiccupgirl · 13/02/2015 22:56

It's not projecting adult acts onto children. Children act out and copy what they see in their lives around them. It's how they learn the rules and expectations of the society they live in. Your DD sees you and your other half having a happy relationship, she or her classmates act out being mummies and daddies and then deciding who they are going to marry etc. it's nothing to to do with watching too much Disney or the over commercialism of Valentine's Day etc, it's normal child development.

My DS is 5. He regularly tells me that he's either going to marry his 8 yr old cousin or his 'girlfriend' (best friend at school who happens to be a girl) when he grows up. I remember having 2 or 3 'boyfriends' who I happily skipped between at age 6 or 7. It's just part of growing up.

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/02/2015 22:56

Oh ffs what an over reaction.

your reading g far to much into it. why so cross. They do t k ow what an adult relationship is they just have friends and hold hands and want to marry their best friends.

It's nothing more.

SolitudeSometimesIs · 13/02/2015 22:56

My DS made me a Valentine's Day card in school. Should I be worried he now has romantic feelings towards me?! Hmm

No. It's because it's about love and friendship and caring about people. Get a fucking grip.

clary · 13/02/2015 22:58

My 13yo DD is not wailing in any corners due to not getting cards/gifts btw. I doubt if any of her friends are either Hmm

apostropheuse · 13/02/2015 22:59

Oh dear. It's all perfectly normal, harmless innocent fun. Children have had "boyfriends or girlfriends" for generations.

My six year old grandson told me the other day that a little girl in his class wants to marry him but that he doesn't want to marry her as he's going to get married to someone else. I asked him if it was another girl, whom he's always talking about as she knows EVERYTHING about minecraft and likes to talk about it as much as him (he has ASD). He rolled his eyes at this and said nooooooo gran! Apparently he wants to marry his male best friend and then start having children when he's 99.

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable plan to me, when you consider that last week he wanted to marry his sister.

Still laughing at the PP who's child made a "love log". Grin

SomethingOnce · 13/02/2015 22:59

I'm the most po-faced killjoy in London and the South East but even I think you need to lighten up, OP.

RabbitSaysWoof · 13/02/2015 22:59

I think its cute.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/02/2015 22:59

OP, your DD is six. If she feels uncomfortable talking to you or her dad that's down to you and her dad. Nothing to do with the child who gave her a present. Nothing to do with her classmates.

You are her parents. It is up to you to make sure she can talk to you when things happen that make her uncomfortable. But I think that your over-reaction is what is preventing her from talking to you.

zippyandbungle · 13/02/2015 23:00

When I was a wee thing I got a few cards on Valentine's day. I remember my DM scouling at them putting on her fake 'oh isn't that silly face' and not mentioning it again.
I'm 40 and I have never talked about my 'relationships' since I was 8 or 9 but it really stuck with me.
Let it go.

littlemonkeyface · 13/02/2015 23:01

What's wrong with an innocent Valentines card?

My DS is 6 and told me the other day that he can no longer marry me when he is grown up as he is going to marry his best (girl) friend at school instead. And apparently they have decided that they will be having a baby together.

youmakemydreams · 13/02/2015 23:01

Yay I feel like I've arrived I've been called a weirdo by a stranger on the Internet becausey nursery child went on a 'date' Grin
I'd rather be where I am than where you are.

Oh and in case you have any sense of reason. He gave something to someone that isn't his special or close friend is obviously because he'd like her to be. Not because he wants to have a romp in the story corner or because he has a diamond on lay away at Tiffany's. Simply because he likes her. He'd like to be her friend.

Kasi03 · 13/02/2015 23:08

Awww I think that's sweet.

SergeantJarhead · 14/02/2015 01:33

Op YANBU. When I was 6 my friend in school was lovely enough to present me with Belgian chocolate and a card on Valentine's day but my parents told me that having boyfriends/boy-friends was 'naughty' so I hastily returned the gifts and my friend gave them to another girl. My parents were prudes, I was left extremely confused.
However, to this day my friend and I still laugh about it. Try not to be offended or upset, laugh it off as a sweet gesture made by a child to your DD.

TraceyTrickster · 14/02/2015 01:45

my daughter (7) told me her friend had a boyfriend- apparently they ate lunch together (in the classroom with the whole class) then went to play seperately with their friends.

Boyfriends at this age are basically friends, but more transient. I think you are overthinking it hugely....unless of course she is planning to elope.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 14/02/2015 02:05

I say lighten up too. My (just) 7 y/o son was given a card and a present today, from a classmate. The card was adorable, and the present - the present was an exercise book with a guinea pig on the front, with the first few pages ripped out!

crazycanuck · 14/02/2015 03:08

Oh FFS. You'd have kittens if you were here in Canada. The whole class hands out Valentines to each other. And my DS gets one each year from his Canadian grandparents.

JoandMax · 14/02/2015 03:36

My 6.5 year old got a little card and a lollipop from a girl in his class, he was very pleased with himself!!! They play together sometimes, no more to it than that.

He then asked if he could make a Valentines card at home, spent ages on it then proudly gave it to his little brother as 'thats who I love most in the world'. They have no idea at this age what adult love means!!

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 14/02/2015 04:25

I'm sure someone else has pointed this out already but just in case it's been missed. ..

If the excellent school have already drummed the no boyfriend concept then actually they are the ones who have introduced the concept not the 6 yo who probably thinks it is just an excuse to give a nice gift to a girl he likes (in a 6 yo way).

It's definitely something you need to take up with the school, if the class is calling him her boyfriend then their educational approach is clearly a) not working and b) introducing a concept such young children shouldn't be exposed to (unless you think this 1 gift has tainted all the children in the class in one go obviously)

RandomNPC · 14/02/2015 06:06

I sent a girl a Valentine's Day card at about this age. I don't think her of her mother saw it as harassment?! Hmm

Tinkerball · 14/02/2015 06:39

Projecting adult issues onto a child?? Youre the one doing that OP!!! It never ceases to amaze me the things people here will over think and get their knickers in a twist about, and try to suck the joy out of for children.

Mehitabel6 · 14/02/2015 07:00

I am glad to come back to the thread and see that it was a victory for common sense- will OP see that? My guess is that she will still see herself as right and expect her poor child to 'work through' rather than enjoy and move on.

SummerHouse · 14/02/2015 07:07

Imagine my embarrassment when I opened DS schoolbag to find a card addressed to me! I can't even look him in the eye.