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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be irritated by my 6yo dd receiving a valentine gift at school today?

311 replies

ineverthoughtidsaythis · 13/02/2015 21:12

Handed to her today by a boy in her class. It slightly embarrassed and confused her and we just think she's far too young. Her excellent school has drummed into the kids that there are no boyfriends for some time yet and she's a great little girl who clearly feels that she can't chat to us about it because it's not quite right. Both me and dh are cross. Feel free to tell us to lighten up.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 15:45

Isent it called politeness truffel. Accept it and throw it away. He just gave her a gift ffs not a big kiss or hug. I feel sorry for boys in this world, tgat what can be a totally innocent act, can be twisted into something it's not.

Bean89 · 14/02/2015 15:45

When I was a kid I decided my cousin was my boyfriend. Of course I didn't fancy him, my tiny little child brain couldn't comprehend what 'fancying' someone actually meant, I just really liked him. What possible harm can come from a 6 year old making someone their valentine?!

duplodon · 14/02/2015 15:47

I think it's a shame we have to spin such extreme stories about what, to children, is just a bit of fun. Put up and shut up, indeed!

My 5 year old got a card from a girl in his class. So did the other 23 boys and girls in the class, and it seems she was the only little girl who really had an interest in it this year! He gave me a heart made of clay, because he loves me more than Lego Ninjago. There's a lot of imposition of adult views of romantic love on kids going on in this thread. I'm particularly intrigued by the notion that a little boy giving a little girl a Valentine isn't play in the same way pretend shopping or baby care or construction isn't.

Why not? To a child, all play is "real", children don't make that distinction between acting with a doll and what they do in "real life" in quite the same way as we would, even if they might push boundaries more with a baby doll than a baby sibling, say. When we were kids, playing at getting married was a great theme, and we would sneak into the church with posies of daisies and put tissue paper veils on our heads and pretend to be grown ups... getting married. Girls got married to girls and boys to boys sometimes, girls to boys too... we had teddy babies that we shoved up our sweaters. It was absolutely innocent and beautiful, there was nothing to worry about or feel should be discouraged.

I only ever got Valentine's paper cards, usually a sheet from an exercise folded in two with a heart cut out, at school, and then a few in the first years of my relationship with dh (hadn't ever been with someone around Valentine's before that relationship). We knocked it on the head after a few years as we just don't go in for that kind of thing.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 15:48

I wish people would not impose adult views on children.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 15:51

If op dd did not want it, she çoukd have said no thanks, or thanks and left it at school. It's a gift not a ticking bomb.

littlemonkeyface · 14/02/2015 16:02

Agree completely duplodon.

trufflesnout · 14/02/2015 16:06

It's not that the act of card-giving or present-giving is odd or anything untoward, it's that for it to happen on this particular day means that the parents must have engineered it - which, imho, does take away the innocence somewhat.

And yes, I do think it's wrong that a young girl should feel obliged to accept gifts from a boy she doesn't know or has no interest in knowing because it's "polite" to do so.

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 14/02/2015 16:10

Please!!! Won't somebody think of the children !!! >

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 16:11

Op I am glad that it was recieved in good grace and the little boy, because that is what he is, is none the wiser. Who are you cross with op? The little boy who gave a gift to your dd, his parents what! Relationships are totally different at this age, to teen/adult ones. It is not like for like. Yes chikdren copy what they see, and begin to form ideas from what they see around them. They do not live in a bubble! The boy might have liked your dd, but in an adult sense.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 16:13

Truffel, what if he asked his parents to help him buy a gift for op dd, then like the rest of us, went along with it because it is sweet and innocent, and they are only children, because that's what they are. Do not impose an adult agenda onto chikdren.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 16:15

truffel, the school has probably been preparing for Valentine's Day, so kids know about it. My ds 3 goes to preschool and made me a card and ceramic heart, dd7 made me a Valentine's day card at school.

Inkanta · 14/02/2015 16:19

Why can't she chat to you - poor thing?

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 16:21

But not in an adult sense I meant, in relation to my 16:11 post

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 14/02/2015 16:26

I think you need to lighten up, but I guess that's already been established.

We exchanged them as kids back in the 80s too. It was great fun.

Mehitabel6 · 14/02/2015 16:30

I especially don't like that the OP's daughter didn't particularly want the gift from the boy she barely knew and isn't fussed about knowing - but she is expected to accept it, put up and shut up because the boy in question merely had good intentions and presumably wants to get to know her.

I really don't know where you got that from when she said:

Just to clarify, dd has absolutely no idea we're irritated by this. She shared out the wee present with me and her bro in the bath last night. No drama.

So why make one? Thankfully OP hasn't.

Mehitabel6 · 14/02/2015 16:34

And yes, I do think it's wrong that a young girl should feel obliged to accept gifts from a boy she doesn't know or has no interest in knowing because it's "polite" to do so

You would think that some of you had never been 6 yrs old!! This is an adult interpretation- or at least a teenage one-not a small child.

Mehitabel6 · 14/02/2015 16:35

I feel so sorry for children who are not allowed to have the innocence of childhood-they have parents who over think, over analyse everything and suck out all the joy-forcing their adult perceptions on it. So sad.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 16:43

Like in my primary school days, 30 years ago, Valentines day was seen as a bit of fun, like Christmas, and Easter. Yes kids can have cute crushes at that age, but that's all they are. There is nothing sexual or adult about it. The little boy here, is the same age as op dd, he is not a teenager, then I would be very concerned and have a word with the HT.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 16:44

I agree totally Mehitable6 especially your 16:35 post.

DopeyDawg · 14/02/2015 16:50

My dc's primary runs a school disco for Valentines.
Overdressed girls (imo) and crashing Beyoncé style music - no thanks, but the advertising in their school bags and peer pressure is hard to avoid. Neither of mine like it - too noisy, shouting adults and skidding on pop on floor.

We had 2 friends round for a 'Valentine Lunch' yesterday instead.
Heart shaped pizzas, and they gave each other chocs and shy smiles!
(till they were vying with each other to be the best at Minecraft)

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 16:53

Dopey I agree with that. Your valentine lunch sounds so much better Smile

trufflesnout · 14/02/2015 16:55

I really don't know where you got that from when she said

That's not where I got it from, and I think it applies generally and not just to the OP tbh.

I understand that the children are innocent - but you say it yourself, they copy adults behaviours. Those adult behaviours at valentines do not come from innocent places. That's why I don't like to see children copy them, even though they do so innocently.

UniS · 14/02/2015 16:59

DS is 8. He has a " girlfriend", I asked what happens when you have a gf in yr 4, apparently it means you are partners when they walk to the village Hall or go on the bus to swimming.
He did not give her a valentines gift AFAIK.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 17:04

Truffel kids see their parents, relatives, yes at that age it is innocent, you cannot put adult ideals onto kids, you cannot keep them in a bubble. All dh and I did on Valentine's day was hug and kiss one another very unromantically in front of the kids. Sex and adult stuff is when kids are asleep, and we lock our door.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2015 17:05

I meant kids see their parents and relatives as couples