Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my teenage son

335 replies

Apple17 · 11/02/2015 09:34

I will probably be flamed for this but I'm at the end of my tether with him.
My son is 14 and completely unruly, he has no respect for anyone in our family, swears and is violent.
I love him so much but really dislike him, living with him is like living with a ticking bomb waiting for any minute when he's gonna explode into one of his rages.
His anger and violence is mainly aimed at his 10 year old sister, he is absolutely vile to her, calls her a fat bitch, wanker, c**t.. You name it he calls her it, she's a red head and he will also call her things like 'ginger prick'.. He hits her, pushes her, he's given her a fat lip before, she's no angel and I know at times she will probably wind him up as siblings do but he's reactions are extreme and it's got to the point where I don't want to leave them in the same room together, Its got to the point when I pick her up from school we both don't want to go home cos we know he will just be horrible, pick fights and be verbally abusive to us both so we will sit in costa for a couple of hours till DH comes home, I feel so sorry for her she has such a hard time and is always in tears by the way he's treated her or hurt her.
This morning has just pushed me over the edge, I was in the bedroom getting ready after a shower DD said she would feed the dog, 2 minutes later I hear world war 3 going off my DD run in the bedroom screaming holding her side, her brother had punched her and swore at her for apparently feeding the dog wrong! I go and speak with him and I get called a fat wanker and a face full of dog biscuits thrown at me... I just went to my room and broke down, I really have had enough of him. I'm also 5 months pregnant so feeling emotional as it is. I have tried to seek help for him for his anger problems, been to the doctors numerous times begging for help and I just get nowhere, the last doctors appointment resulted in a referral to camms?? (Not sure if that's what's it called) so will see how far we get with them although I'm not holding out much hope! Sorry it's so long I just wanted to explain the best I could.

OP posts:
duplodon · 11/02/2015 22:23

That's lovely, Celtic. You think saying this helps this real life situation... How? Hate breeds hate. This is clearly causing you to suffer so step away instead of increasing suffering for others and yourself while you're at it.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:24

Op has enough on her plate, and is trying her best to deal with the situation. She is seeing CAHMS, and said she will call the police if anybody in the family is attacked by him again!

Andro · 11/02/2015 22:28

The op's dd is only caught in it because her mother is not protecting her, the whole situation is a child protection failure and a potential disaster waiting to happen.

The ds needs help, but he needs to not be in the same house as a vulnerable 10yo who can neither defend herself nor be assured that the adults in her home can protect her (it would impossible for the dd to be completely safe unless Her brother was lockedc in his room 24/7)

Andro · 11/02/2015 22:30

Situations like this infuriate me, why on earth do as keep closing the case when it is clear that one child is in danger and the other needs help because he is a danger!

Andro · 11/02/2015 22:31

SS, not as

LynetteScavo · 11/02/2015 22:32

Have pm'ed Apple....her DS is still a child. obviously an unhappy child. I'm Shock and Sad so many posters seem to think the police is the magical answer.

A zero tolerance to violence, protecting her DD, and seeking appropriate help, yes, but really.... the police?

I think there is a massive misunderstanding of teenage boys and the role of the UK police force by many MNetters.

mildlyacquiescent · 11/02/2015 22:33

Flowers for Capricorn.

OP, your little girl is being damaged. Abused in her own home. Beaten for trifles; aware her parents are going to keep pussyfooting around her abusive brother; and for what?

And your son is going to the footy and the cinema and being cheered on... Where are the consequences for him of his disgusting, woman-hating behaviour? I second the poster who asked why your husband was tolerating this.

You need to get him removed for the sake of your girl and your unborn child.

mildlyacquiescent · 11/02/2015 22:34

I agree with Andro.

Giving your sister a fat lip is NOT a "teenage boy" thing, Lynette, FFS.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:37

Yes lnetted, if he attacks a child if course. I bet if a child was punched in the face outside a home by a teenager, you would have no hesitation in calling the police. This is no different, because is behind closed doors and they are related.

LynetteScavo · 11/02/2015 22:37

Giving your sister a fat lip is NOT a "teenage boy" thing

I totally, 100% agree.

Neither is it a matter for the police.

I have been reading this thread and thinking if this was about a teenage girl and the younger sibling were a boy, replies would be somewhat different. We still have a long way to go in that respect, it seems.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:38

Lynette I meant.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:40

Yes it is kynette, he attacked her. he has done this more than once.

duplodon · 11/02/2015 22:40

I agree... The OP has gone to CAMHs etc, this hysterical reaction about woman hating is OTT. So was my cousin man hating when he did this to his brother... Or would it be okay if the dd were a boy?

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:41

No it woukd be the same lynette!

tiggytape · 11/02/2015 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trickydecision · 11/02/2015 22:42

I agree with Aeroflot that Apple has plenty on her plate, and I think we should all back off as nothing new and helpful is being added. Probably a majority of posters are in favour of police intervention, the rest are not, but just adding to each 'side' will not really help Apple decide whose advice to take. Leave her to reflect and decide what action is needed.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:43

Well it is duplodon, can you not see a patten to his behaviour. Anyway, it is unacceptable, there will be 2 vulnerable children in the house. It must be severe if both dd and her mum hide in coffee shops, afraid of going home.

LynetteScavo · 11/02/2015 22:44

The difference between your child being punched by a random teenager on the street, is that you have no control about how someone else's child is dealt with.

The OP has the option to deal with her DS appropriately. Personally, I don't consider the police to be the answer. The police do not have a magic wand.

As I said, I've pm'ed the OP.

duplodon · 11/02/2015 22:45

No, I can't see a pattern because I am not a professional trained to assess and advise in these situations and have only a few Internet posts to go on.

Andro · 11/02/2015 22:46

Lynnette, if he'd given his sister the fat lip accidently (messing around with a ball, being careless and clipping her etc) I would agree that it's not a police matter. I would even agree if the loop incident was an isolated incident - completely unacceptable, but not a police issue - but there is a pattern of sustained abuse to the point where the dd is scared to go home and op is worried about them being in the same room (and rightly so). How should the op protect her dd? How much longer should this little girl be made to endure her brothers repeated assaults?

tiggytape · 11/02/2015 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:48

Hopefully op has said she will go to the police. A vulnerable child is being physically and emotionally abused. If going to the police gives him the wake up call and enables op to get professionals to take the problem seriously, so be it! What next, the fat lip could turn into something a lot more serious.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:50

You don't have to be a professional to see some kind of patten.

duplodon · 11/02/2015 22:52

Well you can see a pattern of behaviour on Eastenders too and pseudoanalyse it but it doesn't harm fictional characters to do so...

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 22:54

We are not talking about Eastenders but the op Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread