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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

999 replies

Floundering · 10/02/2015 09:13

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)
OP posts:
pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 12:07

I agree with bimandbam you can't censor what other a reader what but books should have an age rating

mammuzzamia · 10/02/2015 12:08

And what Suzannewithaplan said about dangerous misogyny

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 12:08

I do enjoy a bit or role play and it's not grim in my house Wink

NancyRaygun · 10/02/2015 12:12

Lots of literature doesn't stand up to much feminist critique. Heathcliff and Cathy? It does smack of snobbery to call people out on this series having not read it themselves yes its tosh, not great writing but it is insanely popular so must speak to readers on some level.

I don't like the relationship between Anastasia and Edward Christian Grey. But I don't like the relationship between Fanny Price and Edmund much either.

I don't see what outcome the OP and others desire? Banning the book? Banning the film? Calling on people not to see it? Most sentient people don't really like being told what to do - and if you liked the book, you'll probably want to see the film. If you didn't read it/have taken a stand against it then you wouldn't go.

A good aim would be to try to educate readers and fans that this isn't in fact a healthy relationship. Fine.

LeSaor · 10/02/2015 12:13

It's a fictional story which has got people selling things like "waiting for Mr grey" t shirts because it's been promoted as something desirable and thinking that literally controlling every aspect of your life and banning you from talking to your friends is "BDSM". read the thread if you think people are so intelligent to realise otherwise, and be astounded.

I'm not a book burner/banner so fuck off with that implication, but I do object to how it's been marketed AS A LOVE STORY/DESIRABLE/REPRESENTATIVE OF BDSM to a wide market.

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 12:13

Sensible outlook

LeSaor · 10/02/2015 12:15

Shitty non-con fanfic online is tagged as such and it's set up and advertised to be shitty non-con fanfic, not completely glamorised. It's also free. 10/10 would recommend over fsog.

FloraFox · 10/02/2015 12:15

If you're role playing rape, torture or assault, yes that's grim.

mammuzzamia · 10/02/2015 12:16

What about Heathcliff and Cathy? They're both on a fairly level footing aren't they, initially, him being illegitimate, and penniless, and she a woman.

browneyedgirl86 · 10/02/2015 12:16

Op yanbu!

I hate the 50 shades series. I read the first book and I found it to be ridiculous on every level. I'm not a prude but I found myself cringing and eye rolling every oage or so. The writing is terrible. I didn't find the sex scenes erotic, just unrealistic and don't even get me started on the bit with the tampon.

I don't think this series is a good example to women/girls and I can totally understand why Women's Aid are saying what they are. The character of Christian Grey is abusive. If a woman posted on here saying her partner was telling her how to dress, what to eat, when she could go out and who with and taking control of every aspect of her life out of the bedroom we would all say that it's abuse!!

Viviennemary · 10/02/2015 12:19

I did buy this book to see what the fuss was about. I read a few pages andit was just such a load of garbage I gave it to a charity shop. I don't really think it's got anything to do with domestic violence. It's more like fantasy schoolboy porn stuff. Not to be taken seriously. I won't be seeing the film.

mammuzzamia · 10/02/2015 12:19

If you'd said Heathcliff and Isabella, then maybe

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 12:19

50 shades isn't rape torture or assault unless u count whipping

NancyRaygun · 10/02/2015 12:22

read the thread if you think people are so intelligent to realise otherwise, and be astounded

My point was more that intelligent discerning people see it as abusive and damaging. Other readers do not have that insight it's true - but are you saying that because thick people can't separate fiction from reality we should have stricter controls on books and film? Or on how they are marketed?

Is it really the marketing you don't like? Or the fact that the story is abhorrent to you as a woman and as a reader? If its the latter then its tough tits. People like the books.

also - don't tell people to fuck off - I am just asking what outcome would be best for you? What would you be satisfied with? The film being a flop? I think you might get your wish there!!

FloraFox · 10/02/2015 12:23

whipping isn't assault? Hmm

NancyRaygun · 10/02/2015 12:26

I think I would count whipping...

ImBatDog · 10/02/2015 12:27

i have a friend whos in her 50s, shes been in a Dom/sub relationship for 20 years, even SHE says 50 shades is disgusting and abusive and unhealthy.

i think i'll take her words on it over someone who's only read about D/s in the media.

TSSDNCOP · 10/02/2015 12:29

No way would the whole thing have worked if C Grey was Mike a plumber with a sex box room in his semi (house) in Margate and a Ford Sierra.

I've read all three. No WAY would I have done do without Kindle. After the first half of the first one I started looking for the story, the sex is so repetitive and tedious and so is Ana.

It flummoxes me how it increased sale of role in B&Q, it's just so Victoria Wood. And the prospect of going to see it with my friends is appalling.

As to any men being influenced by it, I can't think of a single man that could get past chapter 1 and surely you wouldn't take your own version of Mike to the cinema to watch it.

It's drivel. I can see why WA have to disavow it, but beyond that it's drivel.

TSSDNCOP · 10/02/2015 12:31

Role = rope

RandomNPC · 10/02/2015 12:31

I'm sure it was just B&Q spotting the chance for a bit of free publicity.

HubertCumberdale · 10/02/2015 12:34

Has anyone seen the film? It's not going to be an exact replica of the book.
It may be presented slightly differently. Who knows? It may depict the characters in a different light that makes a big difference.

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 12:38

Whipping isn't assault if it's consensual and as I do enjoy it. I wouldn't say my dh assaults me and it would be unfair aww in to those who are truly assaulted to say so

VoyageOfDad · 10/02/2015 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NancyRaygun · 10/02/2015 12:38

I ran outside to meet Mike wearing my floppy skirt that Kate had somehow persuaded me to wear. He was there, still in his overalls, looking so...hot! My inner goddess dances for joy. Oh my! He is driving the Ford Sierra. I can hardly contain my glee. "Like it?" He asks, running his hand through his copper frizz. "Yes!" I giggle. "Oh, I love it when you giggle Ana, get in. I hope you're hungry, I have made a reservation at Wetherspoons."

TSSDNCOP · 10/02/2015 12:40

Hubert I do think you might have been right were it not for the fact that the author insisted the film remained true to the book.

The books dialogue read out truthfully on screen will be cringetastic.

It seems the actors are tryng to distance themselves and the fact it's had no critic screening speaks volumes.

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