...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

[Floundering]

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

don't know till you've tried? I don't agree with this. If it isn't a fantasy you've naturally thought of, I don't see how you can change your mind.

But I think the bdsm thing is a red herring. It's his behaviour outside of the bedroom.

He covers her in love bites so she can't wear a bikini, turns up out of the blue when she doesn't respond as he wants to to texts and emails, orders her around on the contraception front, buys the company she works for so he can keep an eye on her, won't let her go places/see people he doesn't approve of...and these all happen in the later books.

Again, thats your opinion.

I know from personal experience, it certainly wasn't a fantasy of mine, still dont like the porn, way too hardcore, but parts of it are fun and exciting.

I've read the books - and they are strangely addictive even though the rational part of my brain absolutely cringes and the content and the writing (it is awfully written, truly, badly, awfully).

I feel like I can read them and separate the fantasy of it from reality. If any man near me behaved like Christian Grey (billionaire at 27) I would phone the police. At one point he whips her until she bleeds - she is crying. It is NOT consensual. He controls her access to friends, family and says her virgin vagina is "mine, just mine". He is a feminist NIGHTMARE.

But its a story, a depressing tome on women's attitude to money and sexual control but its a continuation of Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Gone With The Wind, Twilight - any story where a woman is unaware of how much she is loved and adored by a controlling and 'dark' misunderstood male figure. Except unlike those examples totally shite.

What I don't like is that so many billions of women will read it at a young age and think that its OK to love a rich man who behaves like this as long as he loves you. But I think you are just going to have to hope people read it with a critical eye OP. Or write a similar bestseller with a better portrayal of Male/female relationships.

And she chooses to roll over and accept them. She has the option to leave, she isn't in danger at any point. And she chooses to forgive him these things. By the conclusion of all the books that's not happening, because she kept saying no.

He also uses sex as a weapon on at least one occasion in the later books.

I agree, the main problem with this book is the portrayal of women.

And him claiming her vagina isn't unusual....don't many partners say things liek that in the heat of the moment?

100% right Floundering. Definetely NBU

there is lots of films worse though? just because you watch Saw dosent make you a sadistic killer? Just because you play GTA doesn't make you kill prostitutes... Just because you watch 50 Shades doesn't mean you suddenly think controlling behaviour is the norm.

theramblingcurl.blogspot.com.au/2014/02/fifty-abusive-moments-in-fifty-shades.html

And there is the voice of reason charley

I agree with you, floundering and others. This article, explains my position better than I can...

everydayvictimblaming.com/responses-to-media/6386/#more-'

Its a bonk buster. Same as Jilly Cooper and a thousand others.

People like it and are aroused by it because she is exploring her sexuality with someone else 'in charge'. Its pure escapism. Not many people know a real life Christian Grey. if it was about Steve the Plumber from the local pub it would lose its appeal massively. If Steve was saying 'do you fancy a bit of light spanking when we've had a chippy tea' it would lose its appeal.

There are more important things to get worked up about in relation to domestic abuse like the pisspoor way the police deal with dv cases and harassment claims and rape accusations.

A film about 2 consenting adults doing a bit of kinky shit in the comfort of their own homes isn't worth losing sleep over.

Snark Squad do a hilarious chapter by chaper summary.

www.snarksquad.com/category/books-2/fifty-shades/fifty-shades-of-grey

I do think Christian Grey is abusive.

But he is a fictional charactar. On the whole, he's probably better than Patrcik Bateman.

OK, so I haven't read the books. However I do have a VAST amount of respect for Women's Aid and the National Centre for Domestic Violence. I assume they know more than me about it all. And if they are urging people not to watch the film, then why can't we have some respect for their expert opinion? If Cancer Research turned round and said, "Don't eat oranges, they cause cancer in 10% of people", we'd probably avoid them and certainly not let our kids have them.

I think the problem with this story is younger females without experience of the world read or view it and think this is supposed to be normal. when you don't Have the benefit of age or experience it can be hard to separate fantasy from fiction. I don't mind the story myself as such but I can see that it potentially puts a bad message to younger girls.

it's surprising that on here so many often argue the damage Disney princesses do to show young girls the image of a damsel in distress but many have no problem with a controlling relationship being given such widespread popularity.

The most depressing aspect of this is that intelligent men and women TRULY fail to understand the issue here.

Which, in itself, proves the very point.

I guess the crux of it is whether people see Ana's relationship as something to aspire to IRL. I would hope most people wouldn't.

ClashCity

That link is hilarious

The snark squad link is hilarious (thanks for wasting my day clashcityrocker). Here's one extract:

An “involuntary shiver” runs down Ana’s spine as she drives and I personally know that I hate it when that happens! I like to plan all of my shivers. Can’t have too many in a day, you know?

bim please follow the link LadyPeter posted, to see the many occasions in the books where Ana is not consenting and is in fact explicitly refusing.

Like others, I wouldn't be bothered if I hadn't heard women of my acquaintance genuinely saying they would like to find a RL Grey. They don't mean the megabucks, but the close control, jealousy and "firm hand". Please, please, please listen to WA on that topic!

What is the issue, Izzy, as you see it?

mommy2ash - took the words out of my mouth!

It's those young women and teens seeing it (and young men as well I suppose) thinking the control aspect is how it should be if you're into a bit of kink.

I mean, it wouldn't influence me because I'm a woman in my thirties, married. But I probably would have been had I gone to see this with my boyfriend I had at the age of 18 who was certainly pretty controlling.

I am intelligent enough to distinguish reality and fantasy. And I think that as long as you can do that you should be trusted enough to draw your own conclusions on whether the relationships in the book are abusive or not.

Sadly I have witnessed abusive relationships at close quarters. Non of them resemble the relationships in the book.

I've not read the books

But I have to smile at the people who were so outraged, they read all 3 of them...