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Original poster

...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

999 replies

Floundering · 10/02/2015 09:13

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)
OP posts:
mommy2ash · 10/02/2015 10:45

that's my only concern it's normalizing behaviour that should not be seen as ok. for me it is the same as young men thinking porn is an example of how sex should be.

maybe it would be a good talking point for anyone who has younger relatives looking to see the film and use it as a positive way to inform of the dangers of controlling abusive relationships.

maybe I see it a little differently than those who think she entered into this willingly. I see it as a woman who wanted a man and was willing to do whatever he wanted get him. that's what we should be steering women away from. either it's right or its not and if it Isn't walk away. I dislike the idea of him changing later on even more that is a terrible message.

Samcro · 10/02/2015 10:48

i havn't read the book and won't see the film s not my cup of tea.
but I hate the idea that anyone can tell me what to read, or what book to read.

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 10:53

I have read all three and found that in the end it is her who is in control of him. She can bring him to his knees and cause him to change who is entire life for her.

I practice bdsm and enjoy being out of control as I'm sure many others do. There are plenty of other films which normalise all sorts of violence and criminal behaviour but no-one jumps on top of those and try to ban them.

Suzannewithaplan · 10/02/2015 10:54

?
I'm surprised that anyone can get past the bad writing, that makes me wonder if the books are read by people looking for titillation?, rather than by people who enjoy reading for it's own sake?

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 11:02

I do admit it was a poorly written but I had to discover the ending of thEE story in my.opinion the true abuse came from her boss not her bf

Hissy · 10/02/2015 11:21

It's meant to be a love overcomes all thing

The book was not preplanned with this, it's been spun like that because the raunch sporned such a demand that the publisher/writer wanted to cash in. Don't dress this up as anything other than mercenary methods to try to make this more palatable and give it more longevity/financial return.

As for the love overcomes all....

This stupid hollywood example of relationships is the biggest reason why so many men and women are trapped in abusive/dysfunctional relationships.

Love doesn't need to overcome control, or coercion or unequal roles.

Love can overcome shared difficulties, but not dysfunction by one partner against another for their own warped reasons.

Abusers don't love, they have no concept of channelling feelings towards anyone other than for their own gain.

Abusers CHOOSE to abuse. They can choose NOT to, but that isn't as rewarding for them.

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 11:24

What about those who choose to be abused within the bedroom and coerce their partner to go along. My dh is not really into bdsmyet he does it because I ask and I enjoy it. Some people enjoy this sort of 'abuse' as it is described in the book I know I do

Hissy · 10/02/2015 11:26

BDSM is not abuse!

Don't use terms you don't understand pineapple, it insults those who have experienced abuse AND those who enjoy BDSM.

MerryMarigold · 10/02/2015 11:27

and coerce their partner to go along

That's pretty worrying in itself. I think your dh needs to get out!

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 11:29

Neither is this book in my opinion and when I say I like to abused I mean it. I don't like to plan what we do in advance because I like it to feel real. I know that may mean that I have issues but it does not make my dh abusive which is what you would say my relationship is. I also ask permission to go out and to buy some things. I don't have to but I do yet this is not abusive in my relationship. Also Edward from twilight is similar to grey yet that didn't get this press

ElsaShmelsa · 10/02/2015 11:31

The books are not about abuse. You cannot judge them if you haven't read them, that is just pathetic. It's like saying that you hate a film when you haven't watched it.

You do realize that some people actually enjoy relationships like this on a daily basis? How can it be abuse if both parties AGREE to partake in these acts? Absolutely ridiculous.

You are actually minimizing REAL abuse by spouting this drivel.

Another massive eye-roll from me.

And I'm really looking forward to watching the film on Monday!!! Grin

Bettybodybooboo · 10/02/2015 11:31

Mmm have read all 3. They were ok. Wouldn't be bothered to see the film really.

Can't stop laughing though at posters commenting who havnt read them. What's that about?

They are on a par with barbera Cartland really. Good when you have a day in bed with a heavy cold.

Definatly not to be taken seriously.

Stop pearl clutching op.

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 11:32

Merrymarigold I don't force or pressure my husband we have been together for a long time a nd it wasn't till the last year or so that I revealed what I liked because I was afraid and felt like it was something I should feel ashamed of but he has shown me that that isn't the case. We love each other very much

MerryMarigold · 10/02/2015 11:35

Glad to hear that, pineapple. 'Coerce' generally does mean, "force or pressure" into something someone doesn't want to do. Which is very dangerous when it comes to sex. I hope he is not resentful.

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/02/2015 11:36

I've not read the books, though I've read extracts. They're not really my kind of thing and from what I have seen are very badly written (but all power to her creating what she has with mediocre at best writing ability). I won't be watching the films.

However, I have become so tired of people deciding what is ok for others to like, calling for things which are "not ok" to be banned for the well being of others.

We're not talking joining terrorist groups here, just a kinky book which appears to polarise opinion on many levels.

This particular brand of "do as I say, what you think is wrong" feminism does the cause no favours whatsoever.

MerryMarigold · 10/02/2015 11:38

You cannot judge them if you haven't read them,

There's plenty of things you don't need to experience first hand to know. Have you ever tasted poo? Have you ever believed germs spread disease? (without looking in a microscope and studying it?). Have you ever taken a doctor's advice because they actually know more than you? It is ok to go on what someone else has said, if they know what they are talking about. Women's Aid anyone?

Suzannewithaplan · 10/02/2015 11:39

?Dangerous misogyny disguised as pulp fiction...slips under the radar because people think it's not to be taken seriously so it stealthily becomes part of the collective unconscious

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 11:39

Thank you he is not resentful I think because he spent years trying to get me to tell him what I enjoyed in the bedroom instead of just wanting to please him so I think is relieved even if it is not the normal per say

SusanIvanova · 10/02/2015 11:39

It's not an accurate portrayal of BDSM though. The way he conducts guys dom/sub relationship is not healthy. It is abuse.

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 11:41

But normally professionals such as doctors remain unbiased whereas women's aid have an agenda I know it's a great cause and women need support when dealing with horrific abuse yet they are bias to their cause so sometimes you do need to experience things first hand

Jaded2004 · 10/02/2015 11:41

Ooo you should read 'the claiming of sleeping beauty' if 50 shades gets you so riled that will cause a blown gasket!

JugglingFromHereToThere · 10/02/2015 11:45

Sounds like crap to me. I won't be reading or watching.
I like stuff that's well written apart from anything everything else

Want to see too many other great films out ATM - History of Everything, Testament of Youth, Boyhood, to name three that actually have something to say

Do not support this. Utterly depressing in every way

ClashCityRocker · 10/02/2015 11:46

BDSM, done correctly, is not abuse.

Christian Grey is abusive.

He is also fictional, and I think in all honesty, the whole thing only works because he's filthy rich. If he was your ordinary joe blogs from the pub, no one would believe it.

pineappleshortbread · 10/02/2015 11:47

Like I said before if you remove the sex Christian grey is no different to Edward from twilight yet we feed that to our children