...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

[Floundering]

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

He tracks her phone, doesn't like her speaking to other men, manipulates her into doing things she doesn't want to do (including changing her name upon marriage) and punishes her for sun bathing topless by covering her entire chest in love bites so she can't even wear low tops...sounds unbelievably controlling to me. In rl people would be screaming to ltb not cheering them on. I read them out of curiosity and found myself inwardly screaming for her to run as fast as she could.

It is NOT a love story. It's a story of domestic abuse. The best part of the series was at the end of the first book when she wakes up and leaves him. The series should have ended there

It's nothing like the film Secretary.

Arf at Steve the plumbers light spanking after a chippy tea

Edward from twilight is also abusive, and there have been several blogs about that.

i can't help assuming(and is an assumption) that this is the flowers in the attic of today

Let's play a game it's called, if this was posted on the relationship board, would we call ABUSE/LTB or at least a red flag.

#1:“I have a couple of interviews for intern places."
“You were going tell me this when?” He arches a brow.
“Err… I’m telling you now.”
He narrows his eyes. “Where?” For some reason, possibly because he might use his influence, I don’t want to tell him.
“A couple of publishing houses.”
“Is that what you want to do, something in publishing?” I nod warily.
“Well?” He looks at me patiently wanting more information.
“Well what?”
“Don’t be obtuse, Anastasia, which publishing houses?” he scolds.
“Just small ones,” I murmur.
“Why don’t you want me to know?”

Abuse or not, there is something quite foul about a person who gets kicks, sexual or otherwise, from torturing others. And if you get sexual kicks from being tortured, that's quite sad. We should be putting this sort of behaviour back in the 'deviant' box, not normalising it! We all have less palatable sides to our natures, but I don't buy this, 'as long as it's between consenting adults business'. What if someone consents to murder, is that okay? Yes, I know I'm old-fashioned, but new isn't always better.

Meant to say, 'We all have less palatable sides to our natures but we shouldn't be glorying in some things.'

Sounds like a pile of crap to me anyway, so wouldn't read or watch it.

#2: "I wondered what your bedroom would look like,” he says. I glance around it, plotting an escape route, no – there’s still only the door or window."

Seems healthy enough so far

I'm going to tell my GF all of this. Hopefully I won't have and go see the bloody film then, and we can watch something good instead with explosions in

Like I said before if you remove the sex Christian grey is no different to Edward from twilight yet we feed that to our children

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF! that is extremely unhealthy modelling for our kids and is UTTER shite to boot!

if you are exposing your kids to this, hang your head!

People love to find things to be outraged about and to boycot and have campaigns about... Sounds like the op was bored and saw a passing 'bandwagon' to jump on

#3: “No,” I protest, trying to kick him off. He stops. “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you."

Hissy , the book wasnt written as a conniving money making endeavour. IyIt's actually Twilight fan fiction which became so popular it was altered to be published. Anyone who writes fan fiction does not do it for money.

And there was no way abyonr could predict that a bdsm pornography book would become so popular. It's pure shite of course but if you're going to rail against it at least do it properly

*Anyone

Hissy my kids are 4 and 2 of course I wouldn't show it. I'm a psychologist so wouldn't show or give 50 shades book or film to an under 18

Pineapple - of course Grey is like Edward from Twilight - because he is Edward from Twilight. It started out as a piece of Twilight fanfic, then the author did a "search and replace" on the names. It's so common that it even has an acronym - p2p (pull to publish) and big commercial publishers search fanfiction websites for works with huge numbers of followers/reviewers to get themselves ready made commercial successes.

Which doesn't alter the fact that it sets out to glorify abuse, feeds women that old shite about "he'll change if you love him enough" and is totally different from genuine consensual BDSM. Oh, and if I had a teenage daugher reading Twilight, you can bet I'd be sitting her down for a major feminist takedown of the series (which she'd hate me for...)

Charleston I felt years feeling ashamed and dirty because of my sexual preferences and I'm lucky to have found someone who loves and accepts me. I've learnt what I like is normal and not something I need to be ashamed of I will be dammed if I go back to feeling that way again

#4: "This is the first time I have ever had sex in my home, and as sex goes, I think it was pretty damn fine. But now I feel like a receptacle – an empty vessel to be filled at his whim. [...] I have an overwhelming urge to cry, a sad and lonely melancholy grips and tightens round my heart. Dashing back to my bedroom, I close the door and lean against it trying to rationalize my feelings. I can’t. Sliding to the floor, I put my head in my hands as my tears begin to flow."

LTB!

You'll get a lot of support here.

But think of all the bright sparks who read the badly written rubbish, and the whole trilogy, and love it. They won't be turned so easily into recognising it for what it is.

Which doesn't alter the fact that it sets out to glorify abuse, feeds women that old shite about "he'll change if you love him enough" and is totally different from genuine consensual BDSM.

This sums it up nicely for me.

But its not real LeSaor. Its a book. A story. Not real life.

If we judged everything we read or saw by those standards we would have no books or films or stories. Its fiction not a self help book. Soft porn for women.

I have read some Black lace stuff and its all similar. Do we ban an entire genre on the basis that they may glamourize abuse? Where do you stop?

The books downfall is its success. If it hadn't been for the kindle allowing people to download what they want in the privacy of their kindle I doubt it would have been the success it is.

Love it or Loathe it but don't try and censor what people read 'for their own benefit'.

Its incredibly patronising.

It's not abuse when she willingly agrees and can leave anytime she wants

Well I don't think she's stupid enough to settle for a 3 bed semi with him and knock out a few kids....

Normalising abusive relationships is dangerous and playing at or fetishising abusive relationships is grim. Either way, I won't see this film.