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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect dd's friend to abide by our mealtime rules?

94 replies

Joolsy · 09/02/2015 20:37

Dd has a friend whose mum, like me, likes her kids to eat plenty of veg. For the past few times she's been over for tea,however, I've put veg on her plate that I know she likes (she's not fussy at all) but she says "I don't want any". I always get my kids to eat most of their veg or no pudding but a feel like a bit of a cow saying this to dds friend, however, I do feel she's trying it on as she probably wouldn't get away with it at home. I'm not being u to expect her to follow our rules am I?

OP posts:
Charlotte3333 · 09/02/2015 20:39

Nope not at all. When the boys friends come to tea I plate stuff up just as I would for the boys and tell them to eat what they like and leave what they don't. The only one I make an exception for is one of my friends children who has Aspergers and can't have anything touching on his plate. Everyone else sucks it up.

Jackieharris · 09/02/2015 20:39

Just done give her the pudding.

TheFecklessFairy · 09/02/2015 20:40

I'd ask her Mum what she would like you to do.

TwitterWooooo · 09/02/2015 20:40

Just anticipate this and offer fresh fruit juice squeezed by them, and fruit salad, made by them.
It's easier all round.

dementedpixie · 09/02/2015 20:41

I would put it on the plate but not specify that a certain amount needs to be eaten. I would also not withhold pudding

CuddlesfromChickens · 09/02/2015 20:42

I'd agree with Feckless ask the other Mum.

Passthecake30 · 09/02/2015 20:43

Unless I was very close to the mum I would just let the child eat as they please. Maybe let them plate up their own veg. I would hate for my kids to go on a play date and not feel comfortable.

Original poster
Joolsy · 09/02/2015 20:44

She's comfortabe all right, that's how I know she's trying it on! I think I'll ask the mum as she's a friend of mine

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 09/02/2015 20:45

I think chill out on play dates - it's not like she's moving in with you. The odd evening without worrying about vegetables won't kill anyone. Smile

AlpacaLypse · 09/02/2015 20:45

Mine are teenagers now, so 'coming round for tea' tends to be 'bake your own pizza' and I have very little do with it (apart from of course buying all the frozen pizzas... Grin)

When they were all that size - primary - I used to dish up the same all round, and expect everyone to have at least a mouthful of everything. Apart from mushrooms, which everyone hates until adolescence kicks in! Rather like dry wine and liquorice!

esiotrot2015 · 09/02/2015 20:48

I just serve it up & let them eat what they like
I'm their friends parent not their parent , teacher or dinner lady
Just one meal of pizza & no veg won't harm them

esiotrot2015 · 09/02/2015 20:49

The aim of a 'playdates' is fun , doing stuff you're not allowed to do at home imo
So they can leave their veg & still get ice cream in my eyes

Goldenbear · 09/02/2015 20:49

I really wouldn't care- I just present food for them to eat. I'm not going to cajole someone else's child into eating stuff that I is 'good for them'. My DS loves vegetables but is fussy about stuff that makes a dish cheaper like cheese, egg, anything mixed together. I have enough to contend with on that front so don't want that kind of hassle with another child. I don't see the food as a big element of having friends over though- IME they just want to play!

Quitelikely · 09/02/2015 20:52

I really think you're over thinking this. Whats it to you if she eats her vegetables?

Let it go (sings frozen song) Smile

Original poster
Joolsy · 09/02/2015 21:13

It's just that if she leaves her veg that'll give my dds an excuse to leave theirs! I know this girl pretty well, she likes pretty much all food. I want 1 rule for all

OP posts:
Waltonswatcher · 09/02/2015 21:15

But she's not your kid...

ValentinesDay · 09/02/2015 21:18

I wouldn't care if they all left their veg when they had a friend round to play.

In fact I would probably give them all pizza and chips.

Mrsjayy · 09/02/2015 21:18

She is at it say to your friend and she will probably agree with you on no pudding

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/02/2015 21:18

Do you ever tell her that you know she's trying it on, Joolsy? "Oh come on - I know you eat that at home, so don't try it on here!" - in a jokey tone, but with a firm look in your eye.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 09/02/2015 21:18

I can't imagine serving bog standard dinners when friends are invited - aren't they meant to be the evenings for pizzas or chicken nuggets and chips, a big picnic infront of the telly, or a hot dog and popcorn and ice cream type shebang?

Unclench!

vestandknickers · 09/02/2015 21:18

Just don't give her the veg. It won't do her any harm and you'll all enjoy the playdates more. I wouldn't dream of telling other people's children what they have to eat.

Rivercam · 09/02/2015 21:19

All kids have different size appetites - mine have always eaten loads, whilst others eat a lot less, so I'm not bothered if friends don't finish their food.

Not eating all your veg once in a while is fine.

sqibble · 09/02/2015 21:20

No, not my job to police other people's dc. A guest can eat the bits they like and everybody has pudding because it's supposed to be fun.

Mine know what the rules are for them. Doesn't matter what anybody else is doing.

QuintlessShadows · 09/02/2015 21:20

So, then neither has pudding and both will know why!

Original poster
Joolsy · 09/02/2015 21:21

Yes I understand that they want to do things they don't get to do at home but I like my kids to eat a healthy balanced diet. My dd1 is constantly hungry (tall, thin, always growing!) and she eats quite a lot of cake, choc etc so I like to have healthy mealtimes. Dds friend comes over quite a lot so it's not like its a novelty for either of them

OP posts: