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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect dd's friend to abide by our mealtime rules?

94 replies

Joolsy · 09/02/2015 20:37

Dd has a friend whose mum, like me, likes her kids to eat plenty of veg. For the past few times she's been over for tea,however, I've put veg on her plate that I know she likes (she's not fussy at all) but she says "I don't want any". I always get my kids to eat most of their veg or no pudding but a feel like a bit of a cow saying this to dds friend, however, I do feel she's trying it on as she probably wouldn't get away with it at home. I'm not being u to expect her to follow our rules am I?

OP posts:
pepperpigmustdie · 09/02/2015 21:23

You actually can't make another child eat anything.

Having tea at your friends is supposed to be a treat - hardly if your being forced to eat food you don't really.

My dm used to force me to eat cauliflower and it used to make me retch!

bonhomme · 09/02/2015 21:24

I think it depends on frequency of visits. Another child eats at our house twice a week and it does become tricky if you have one set of rules for your child and another set of rules for said fussy eater. So I apply my rules equally to both.

Salmotrutta · 09/02/2015 21:24

Drop kick her over the fence.

Sorted.

Wink
Original poster
Joolsy · 09/02/2015 21:24

SDTG - yes I've said that to her but she'll still try it on - she's a sneaky one

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/02/2015 21:24

Why does it matter if this child doesn't eat her veg at your house?

1.) She's not your child

2.) She doesn't eat at yours every single day

3.) She probably just didn't fancy it at that given time

4.) She won't drop dead through lack of veg with one meal

Pick your battles. This one is not yours to fight.

bubalou · 09/02/2015 21:26

I agree about asking her mum.

Just say it in a way like 'I just wanted to ask, what you would like me to do with regards to your DS and eating veg at ours'.

Just make it clear that you don't mind and that you are just wanting to be clear on her wishes Smile

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2015 21:27

'Trying it on' and 'sneaky'? Confused

If you went went out to dinner tomorrow and didn't happen to fancy veg with your meal, would you consider yourself sneaky or trying it on?

If I offered you an apple now and you didn't fancy it, would you eat it anyway or is this just a veg thing?

bonhomme · 09/02/2015 21:27

Although tbh, some of the issues we have had is with table manners - eating with fingers instead of cutlery for example.

Samcro · 09/02/2015 21:27

i would stop having child round.
you don't like her

Original poster
Joolsy · 09/02/2015 21:28

Pepperpig - im not getting her to eat food she doesn't like, she admits she likes it, she just says she doesn't want any. I think she's just trying to get away with what she wouldn't be allowed to at home.

OP posts:
vestandknickers · 09/02/2015 21:28

Maybe you don't cook veg very well! Grin

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2015 21:30

Actually I know vest was joking, but she has a fair point Grin

My Mum used to stew the fuck out of veg, so I'd end up only eating it at other people's houses.

Original poster
Joolsy · 09/02/2015 21:30

Worra - this happens every time she comes round. It's the same with lunches too, she'll eat mountains of crisps but not any fruit, even though she likes all fruit

OP posts:
Shortofcash · 09/02/2015 21:31

I don't even make my own dc eat all there veg, I just plate up a healthy dinner for her and let her eat as much of it as she wants. Some nights she may eat it all and other night she might just eat the meat! I always serve a piece of fruit or yogurt or ice cream or whatever I had planned for desert regardless. I remember being forced to eat my dinners as a child and it used to make me gag. On a play date I would probably serve something fun maybe, with no pressure to eat it

Samcro · 09/02/2015 21:31

she isn't at home though

Moniker1 · 09/02/2015 21:31

I would tell her that you are going to send her home for meals as she doesn't eat properly when with you. And do it. She should get fed up with that.

Make the excuse that you're worried she isn't eating healthily or some such.

MidniteScribbler · 09/02/2015 21:32

It's one night. You're not going going to cause her to lifelong eating disorders because she doesn't eat her vegetables one night. This is not your battle to fight.

Shortofcash · 09/02/2015 21:32

Don't serve the crisps then serve veg sticks instead. If the whole meal is healthy eg sandwich, veg sticks, fruit and yogurt then it doesn't matter which bits they eat and which bits they leave

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2015 21:32

So what's the problem where you are concerned?

She's not your child, so I would have thought you'd just be pleased that when she comes round to play with yours, she has a good time and goes home happy?

I think you need to step back as you sound over invested in someone else's eating habits.

Original poster
Joolsy · 09/02/2015 21:33

Imo my veg is lush, steamed with a bit of crunch. She usually eats it in the end but I wish she'd eat it in the first place

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 09/02/2015 21:33

Is there any reason why you want to bring this hassle on yourself?

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2015 21:34

I would tell her that you are going to send her home for meals as she doesn't eat properly when with you. And do it. She should get fed up with that.

Fucking hell!

The poor OP's kids will end up with zero friends if she started acting like a dictator.

Shortofcash · 09/02/2015 21:35

My sister works in a nursery and they just serve a healthy main and a healthy pudding, kids each as much or little as they like, I think that is what best practise is in child care settings at the moment, that's how I feed my dd and it stops mealtimes becoming a battle

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2015 21:36

Imo my veg is lush, steamed with a bit of crunch. She usually eats it in the end but I wish she'd eat it in the first place

Just leave the poor kid alone

Honestly play dates are supposed to be happy occasions for kids to enjoy.

They don't need someone on their back at dinner time when all they probably want to do, is bolt their food down and get back to playing.

mymatemax · 09/02/2015 21:39

Manners and house rules, visitors have to follow our rules generally. but I usually serve veg free crap when they have friends over for tea to avoid any hassle.
One night of Pizza or chicken & chips wont hurt.