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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to hurt this child although I wont?

181 replies

LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 17:11

DS is in year 10. Today I got a call from his Head of Year to tell me he had been beaten up by another pupil.
It was all caught on CCTV and after viewing that and making further investigations the school have said ds was in no way responsible. The other child's parents have been informed and he is being included in school. Ds was tackled to the ground then punched several times. HoY said it was a very nasty attack. Most of the blows landed to the side of his head so no obvious marks and ds seems ok.

That's all great. I am happy with how it's being dealt with.

BUT....... I want to track down the brat, rip his arms out and beat him with the bloody stumps Blush I really do. My stomach is churning. Somebody dared to hurt my precious child for no reason.

Obviously I wont do anything but I am really shocked at the strengh of my feelings. Ive never been in this situation, is it normal to feel like this, or am I a very U crazy loon mother?

OP posts:
tarashill · 12/02/2015 17:55

Very pleased it's being taken with the seriousness it deserves.But the school shouldn't have needed any prompting to get the police involved. If the schools and the police took these kind of vicious assaults seriously maybe there wouldn't be as many. Hope everything turns out well for you. Flowers

Icimoi · 12/02/2015 17:59

Great that the police are involved at last. I guess the school have stupidly boxed themselves into a corner by imposing only an internal exclusion, in that it is difficult for them in legal terms to change their minds about it now, but it is infuriating: they would clearly have had more than sufficient grounds to impose a permanent exclusion based on this incident alone, let alone the previous history of bullying and fights.

I suggest you get a copy of their discipline and bullying policies. I'd be pretty surprised if it doesn't say that this type of conduct will normally merit exclusion: you can then ask why they haven't followed their own policy. You are in any event entitled to ask them to confirm that they have done a risk assessment in relation to the other boy, and what precisely they are going to do to keep your son safe.

ahbollocks · 12/02/2015 18:05

Little prick!
God op I understand how you feel, I would feel the exact same.
Shame on the school and the police for being so laissez faire. It must be worth at least a week exclusion, as well as a police caution.

MisForMumNotMaid · 12/02/2015 18:25

So glad you've got this in control. I was seething on your/ your DS's behalf at the responses you'd had from school and the police.

I'm so fed up with this wooly liberalism we seam to be adopting in society of we don't know about that child's home life so should excuse all sorts of really inappropriate behaviour.

We do know about this childs inappropriate actions, and if they are treated seriously, as they should be, that gives services the opportunity to get properly involved in addressing background issues.

TheCatAteMyTaxReturn · 12/02/2015 18:38

LadyPenny It has now been decided that the police will "overlook normal protocol" (their words) and get involved.

10 out of 10 for persistence - glad you wouldn't let it drop

"normal protocol"

Pah! Angry

Never heard it called that before.

Teeb · 12/02/2015 18:39

I'm pleased some action is taking place for you and your family op, it's just such a shame it seems to have to have come about under duress from the people responsible for protecting our children.

Seconding what someone said previously in the thread, I'd ask for written clarification from your police station on their policy of turning a blind eye to violent assaults.

Teeb · 12/02/2015 18:39

I'm pleased some action is taking place for you and your family op, it's just such a shame it seems to have to have come about under duress from the people responsible for protecting our children.

Seconding what someone said previously in the thread, I'd ask for written clarification from your police station on their policy of turning a blind eye to violent assaults.

Esmum07 · 12/02/2015 18:56

Well done for getting the police involved, at last. I'd still inform Ofsted and let the Chair of the Governors know I did it too. Too little, far too late from the school and police.

pilates · 12/02/2015 18:58

Well done LadyPenny. Hopefully, your actions may stop this happening to someone else's child. I wish schools would take a zero tolerance to this sort of behaviour and come down hard. Hope your son is ok.

echt · 12/02/2015 19:11

Well done, LadyPenny. It's precisely this little world of the school, actively condoned by both school and police, that leaves such actions up to parents like yourself.

The same thing happens when teachers are assaulted, keep it quiet? Sorry for the derailing.

echt · 12/02/2015 19:12

Should be full stop, not questions mark.

BadgersNadgers · 12/02/2015 19:19

I probably don't need to say this but take photos of all of his injuries in case any other evidence goes missing.

ClumsyNinja · 12/02/2015 19:36

Well done LadyP. I'm glad you didn't allow them to fob you off.

hmc · 12/02/2015 19:38

That's brilliant Lady Penny - well done for pursuing it.

MrsCaptainReynolds · 12/02/2015 19:57

Yes, well done.

Reporting this will benefit both boys. A tough lesson for the bully before he is old enough to face real consequences, and a demonstration of justice for your son.

Callico · 12/02/2015 20:26

Really pleased for you that they're now taking this seriously! X

Holliegolightlyscat · 12/02/2015 21:51

Just reading all comments on this thread open-mouthed. I felt such relief when I got to the bit where you'd contacted the police and started to get a result OP! And bless you for feeling guilty for feeling vengeful when it first happened - you were probably in shock!
I too have a 15 yr old boy and I consider myself laid back but if that happened to my son I doubt I would have your restraint. I'd track the little fucker down and ram him with my car, or something..there's no way I'd let him get away with it. The school and police just CANNOT BE ARSED dealing with this- they want to fob you off, sweep it under the carpet, play it down and hope it'll go away. Don't let them. If you don't pursue this as far as possible you WILL Regret it. Your son understandably is worried as he has to see this boy every day and worry about the repercussions- but as the adult you have to be brave and do the right thing, not what is going to keep everyone happy in the short term. Getting the police involved is more likely to make this boy think twice next time.
Good luck with getting the result you want and please keep us updated. I'm totally shocked by the attitude from the police and school. You and your son don't deserve this treatment, you sound like lovely people.

MissDuke · 12/02/2015 23:13

You are absolutely right to pursue this. For the benefit of the 'thug' too tbh. Not sure if it has been mentioned here, but a boy was assaulted at a school on Monday and died this eve :-( www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-31442257

It isn't clear in this report, but earlier reports claimed the boy was assaulted by a 17 year old fellow student.

crazylady12 · 12/02/2015 23:39

How olds year 10. 15 I would deffo be ringing the police. Was attacked in school at 15 they were excluded which is not a punishment in my eyes I was so glad my mum rang the police the girls was also into her martial arts and because she used it to bully
got kicked out of her club

nicenewdusters · 13/02/2015 01:09

So pleased to see the result of your actions, op.

A fair amount of "low level" bullying is going on at our local primary school. However, the HT has decided that no action is to be taken because the main culprit has "issues". I find this such an insult, that people with "issues" are automatically assumed to have no self-control or moral compass.

So if your son, who has gone through a dreadful experience, now does something "bad" at school will he be excused as he has "issues" ? The fact is he won't do anything "bad", because he sounds like a sweet, gentle boy who has a brilliant mum on his side.

BlackeyedSusan · 13/02/2015 01:14

you could also query the policy with the police crime commisioner if you felt so inclined after it is all sorted.

fizzycolagurlie · 13/02/2015 02:21

I'm coming to this very late. I was going to say its a police matter and should be handled by them not the school, but I see thats in hand now.

Big hugs to you and your boy. I'm afraid I'd want to crucify any boy who did that to my own son.

Gen35 · 13/02/2015 08:35

Good for you op, it's shocking isn't it that the police tried to fob you off...

jasper · 13/02/2015 09:03

good for you !

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/02/2015 09:57

Hi OP. How is your ds.
Good for you for persiung things. Schools these days try to brush too much under the carpet.
A mum I knew told me her child was being bullied the ht tried to fob her off, she threatened to go to the local paper and the authorities. Saying the school us failing to safe guard children. He soon got his finger out!