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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to hurt this child although I wont?

181 replies

LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 17:11

DS is in year 10. Today I got a call from his Head of Year to tell me he had been beaten up by another pupil.
It was all caught on CCTV and after viewing that and making further investigations the school have said ds was in no way responsible. The other child's parents have been informed and he is being included in school. Ds was tackled to the ground then punched several times. HoY said it was a very nasty attack. Most of the blows landed to the side of his head so no obvious marks and ds seems ok.

That's all great. I am happy with how it's being dealt with.

BUT....... I want to track down the brat, rip his arms out and beat him with the bloody stumps Blush I really do. My stomach is churning. Somebody dared to hurt my precious child for no reason.

Obviously I wont do anything but I am really shocked at the strengh of my feelings. Ive never been in this situation, is it normal to feel like this, or am I a very U crazy loon mother?

OP posts:
ChippingInGluggingOn · 10/02/2015 10:00

How did it go at your meeting this morning?

I'd take DS to the hospital & I'd go to the police station or call them back & tell them their time frame needs sorting out & you expect to see someone today as your son can't stay off school. This isn't two small children, where school sanctions will sort it out.

Poor, sweet DS :( Would he go to a martial arts group?

mimishimmi · 10/02/2015 10:32

YANBU. I'd be making it a police matter too.

RandomNPC · 10/02/2015 10:38

Another one who supports you pressing the police. If it happened at work, would it be dealt with 'within the workplace'? If course it wouldn't. The police would be involved too. Bloody lazy plod!

SlightlyJadedJack · 10/02/2015 13:08

I'm raging on your behalf and would want to rip his arms off too. At this age I would definitely involve the police, this isn't some weak armed little kid, it's an almost adult (and probably physically adult sized) attacking another.

BorisBaby · 10/02/2015 17:26

How's it going today Lady? Hope the police have been to see your DS, has he been checked out and hope he is fine? If anyone hurt my DD's I would have the same reaction as you. Mama bears we are

Original poster
LadyPenny · 12/02/2015 13:27

Sorry I haven't been back I was concerned about saying too much in case I was outed.
Thanks for your concern. DS is ok. We did go to hospital when a large lump developed and he had a headache but it was just bruising.

I am however, raging. The police rang this morning to say they prefer to let schools deal with incidents like this and will be taking no action. I told the officer that was not acceptable. I am now waiting for a sergant to call me but I am not hopeful. Does anyone know if I have the right to insist on an investigation.
The school are sticking with the original sanction of one days inclusion. I've now talked to other parents and pupils and have found out that this boy is a known bully who has form for hitting and abusing other children.

I've sent a strongly worded complaint to the HT and chair of governors. Any other advice?. I'm not letting this drop.

OP posts:
Teeb · 12/02/2015 13:43

Can you demand a copy of the CCTV under data protection as it involves images of your son? I really feel having a hard copy of the evidence will be good to confront the police/governors/ school with if they try to minimise in any way.

FoodPorn · 12/02/2015 14:03

Well done OP. I've no advice but I think you are dealing with this brilliantly. I would not drop the issue if my child had been violently assaulted. Surely with CCTV footage and your insistence the police would have to investigate.

Behindthepaintedgarden · 12/02/2015 14:14

I would ask the police to confirm their decision in writing. If they're just chancing their arm because they can't be arsed to get involved, that will put them in an awkward position.

ByeByeButterfly · 12/02/2015 14:18

Get the police to look at cctv they may have thought it was less serious but will be left with no doubt.

DarkBlueEyes · 12/02/2015 14:21

OP have you called the police? You are SO not being U. I'd be right behind you handing you the instruments of torture...

NO excuse for that at ALL.

MissYamabuki · 12/02/2015 14:35

OP this has been said before by others on MN: ask the police to quote the law that says that assault is not assault if it happens in school premises

I am furious on your behalf. Good luck!

SolitudeSometimesIs · 12/02/2015 14:35

Absolutely furious on your behalf OP. I hope your son is ok.

Can you call in to your local station and speak to an officer face to face? Perhaps coming face to face with you and seeing your distress will get their arses in gear. Take photo's of your sons injury too. Could you inform OFSTED yourself and explain you are unhappy about the course of action regarding discipling the bully?

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 12/02/2015 14:36

Shocking response from the police. Definitely take it further. Schools aren't there to mete out their version of justice, that's what the police are for!

bigbluebus · 12/02/2015 15:07

That boy would absolutely have got a fixed term exclusion of at least a week for that offence at my son's school - and then only if it was his 1st offence, which it doesn't sound as though it is.
The school have not dealt with it adequately - so the police need to.
Do you know if this boy has been at the school all along or has he come from elsewhere - having being excluded for similar behaviour?
I would ask to see the school's policy for dealing with this sort of behaviour and see if it is actually as lenient as it appears to be.

Bea · 12/02/2015 15:21

Flippin Nora!
Say you may have to mention concerns over "safeguarding" to OFSTED! Unless there is a more suitable punishment! Internal exclusion. . . One day? Is rubbish!

I'm a teacher. .. And I hate OFSTED with a passion. .. And the power that parents seem to have to trigger a school inspection is unbelievable!
However if this happened to my ds and all the other pupil got was one day internal exclusion I would be livid!

lem73 · 12/02/2015 15:47

It's very strange. I have a year 10 ds too and if that happened and the boy was a repeat offender he would definitely got more than a day's exclusion. How does your school normally handle discipline? Ds1 goes to a strict boys school so I don't know what's the norm these days. What does your son say about this boy?

lionheart · 12/02/2015 16:24

How on earth is it up to the police to choose?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/02/2015 16:36

YANBU. If anyone or anything hurts your child the claws come out. It's an animal instinct.
How is your ds now, OP. How are you. X

Original poster
LadyPenny · 12/02/2015 17:20

Result, minutes after I sent my e mail copying in the Chair of Govenors and saying I was going to inform Ofsted things started moving.
The school called the police who then called me again.
It has now been decided that the police will "overlook normal protocol" (their words) and get involved. DS is being interviewed tonight and thug child will be asked to attend the police station next week once police have obtained the CCTV from school.

I hate bullies.

OP posts:
waitingowaiting · 12/02/2015 17:27

Glad the police are getting involved. The kid who beat up your boy may or may not have a crap homelife, but he has a choice to beat up another kid or not.

Police involvement may just stop him before he cracks someone's skull open and kills them.

I hope your boy is OK and not rattled by this.

Andro · 12/02/2015 17:28

Good work OP, hopefully this will be the wake up call the bully needs SD well assd a good resolution for your son.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 12/02/2015 17:28

Well done OP. hope your son is ok.

laughingmyarseoff · 12/02/2015 17:31

I'm pleased for you and your DS op. It just shows how much they'd rather take a back seat so the school can brush it over. I hope other parents finding the same issues google and find your thread for advice.

GoooRooo · 12/02/2015 17:35

Blimey, well done LadyPenny! Your poor DS!

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