Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to hurt this child although I wont?

181 replies

LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 17:11

DS is in year 10. Today I got a call from his Head of Year to tell me he had been beaten up by another pupil.
It was all caught on CCTV and after viewing that and making further investigations the school have said ds was in no way responsible. The other child's parents have been informed and he is being included in school. Ds was tackled to the ground then punched several times. HoY said it was a very nasty attack. Most of the blows landed to the side of his head so no obvious marks and ds seems ok.

That's all great. I am happy with how it's being dealt with.

BUT....... I want to track down the brat, rip his arms out and beat him with the bloody stumps Blush I really do. My stomach is churning. Somebody dared to hurt my precious child for no reason.

Obviously I wont do anything but I am really shocked at the strengh of my feelings. Ive never been in this situation, is it normal to feel like this, or am I a very U crazy loon mother?

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 09/02/2015 17:39

Year 10 = 14/15

LineRunner · 09/02/2015 17:40

I am genuinely thinking calmly here.

I do think you should make a police report. This will imprint on all involved that what happened is serious, that it has consequences, and you will not be messed around with.

I doubt you will have to do it again.

SergeantJarhead · 09/02/2015 17:40

YANBU Op, I was picked up and dropped on my head by a boy in my form class in school when I was 13, nothing was done. If you feel you want to inform the police then do so, it is probably a good idea as pp have suggested to take your son to a doctor/hospital just to check.

MinceSpy · 09/02/2015 17:45

LadyPenny I really do understand how you feel. I would get my son medically examined and his injuries recorded. I would then tell the school that you are reporting the incident to police. Report it and let the police deal.with it.

IKnewYou · 09/02/2015 17:47

How about asking for a meeting with the school. I don't think they can tell you too much about the other boy and his punishments but they might be able to give you a bit more information and reassurance.

I hope your DS is feeling ok. He might find that he is upset later on. It must have been horrible for him. Does he know why the other boy attacked him?

I don't blame you feeling furious at the other boy. I am feeling furious on your behalf Smile

Original poster
LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 17:47

Weathergames yourpoor dd that is awful. I'm glad things have got better.

I am going to call school in the morning and tell them I'm coming in to see HoY. I want to see the CCTV and I agree with other posters, the punishment isn't enough.
I will be calling the police. A good telling off now could be the best thing that will ever happen to this child.

OP posts:
pieinthesky123 · 09/02/2015 17:48

Normal and understandable to think this way and especially so as you won't act upon your feeling. That is what makes you normal and the attack so shocking iyswim. Your not like that so it's horrible.

My ds was also assaulted at school and needed medical attention. I informed the school who did sweet FA apart from hear me out. That was Infuriating.

The parents of the child who assaulted my ds were angry we had complained. The dad pushed me when I was collecting my ds from football in a dark area where noone could see and tried to start a fight with dh when the dad got to the carpark. We had numerous phone calls and visits too from the dad wanting us to tell school it was a mistake!!!!! Get his ds of the hook. They gave jack shit my ds was hospitalised. I despise that family and I am not used to feeling like that but it's your child and your his mum.

The lad who attacked my ds smirks and gets in my personal space at the local shops if he can. His dad is a bully and thick as a brick and the mum looks down her nose at us. I am normally a kind, quiet and peaceful person but I hate that kid and the family who bred him. I feel awful saying that but that's what it is and we didn't retaliate and so I can and do look down my nose at them.

The mum picks up her son from school and I see her glaring at my ds trying to intimidate him as he walks to my car. What a crazy bitch! Ds finds it funny and laughs. But if she ever went further than crazy staring then it's the police. His name is on my ds hospital records too.

I know how you feel and not acting on your anger makes you the bigger person and in time to come you will take comfort in that.

Hoping your ds is OK and that this is a one off. He will probably have forgotten about it long before you ever will.

tarashill · 09/02/2015 17:52

My daughter was beaten up once when she was 15 by a vile nasty bully who beat her up simply because she was pretty and got attention from boys. She got a broken nose and split lip. There was no way on this earth i felt the slightest concern for the vile bitch that did it, and worried about what sort of home she came from.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 09/02/2015 17:54

YANBU. I'd call the police and I wouldn't send him to school until I had a cast iron guarantee that the school would protect him - ie that the attacker wouldn't be allowed anywhere near him. I'd also engage a solicitor and pursue damages. Feral brats shouldn't be allowed to get away with this kind of thing. Your son has every right to his education in a safe environment. Assuming the other child is also year ten, he is well over the age of criminal responsibility and should face the consequences of his actions.

MisForMumNotMaid · 09/02/2015 17:54

An internal exclusion for a vicious unprovoked assault wouldn't sit well with me. The school have to report proper exclusions now I believe.

This would tip me toward contacting the non emergency police number for advice.

jerryfudd · 09/02/2015 17:54

So he doesn't even get kicked out of school for any length of time? He just gets one on one teaching? And that's a punishment?!

If it happened in the street you would report without second thought. Glad you are going to involve the police. The thug needs some sort of comeback for such a nasty unprovoked attack

championnibbler · 09/02/2015 17:55

Police. No hesitation.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 09/02/2015 17:57

Wibbly No school can give a cast iron guarantee that an attacker would not go near their victim again.... it's impossible.
OP be prepared for the fact that the school is highly unlikely to show you the CCTV footage because of data protection re: his attacker.

LokiBear · 09/02/2015 17:58

I am a HOY. I would have pushed for an exclusion in this case. You should log it with the police. A fight is very different from an unprovoked attack. HOY ' S absolutely can tell you the consequence that has been issued. They can't tell you the other pupil's name.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/02/2015 17:59

I totally get how you feel, you are entitled to think how you want, of course you won't carry it out Hmm

lougle · 09/02/2015 18:03

I think we've all been conditioned to think that violence within a school setting is less severe than outside it. If he was working at a newsagent and was beaten up by the same boy, the police would be called, no question...

Call the police and report it. They may just have a word. They may take it much more seriously, but the boy should have thought of that.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 09/02/2015 18:04

You sure about that Loki
We are not permitted to disclose sanctions. The victim will have generally told parents the name of the student anyway. When my daughter was assaulted the college were not permitted to disclose the sanction.

Jessica78 · 09/02/2015 18:07

It should be a fixed term exclusion - outside of school - and presumably the school has a re admittance procedure, which should involve some kind of restorative justice opportunity. If the school isn't doing this they aren't treating it seriously enough.

In my experience the police won't do anything if the school has taken action. Whether we think it's enough action will be irrelevant.

I would suggest that you contact the deputy head in charge of behaviour ASAP. My concern is that they will have contacted the other parent & told them their decision on the sanction so won't change it. As a teacher I've argued the toss about the levels of punishment before when the incident is between two children & the deputy head has listened & changed the punishment. You have to approach it in a calm, measured manner though, however you are actually feeling inside - just clearly state that internal exclusion doesn't seem enough for an unprovoked physical attack - surely any physical violence should warrant a fixed term exclusion - otherwise, what are they teaching that child?

LittleBrownRabbit · 09/02/2015 18:07

in my opinion kids who do that have shit homes and don't know any better fairy

What a load of bollocks! The little shits who cut my DD's waist length, blonde pony tail off in the girls toilets after kicking the shit out of her came from VERY well to do families. They never came from shit homes. She was 13 at the time.

OP get the police involved. We pressed charges.

BeeRayKay · 09/02/2015 18:08

14/15 scots

Your poor poor DS. Is he ok? I second/third/fourth the motion to contact the police.

Has he been checked over?

LadyLuck10 · 09/02/2015 18:09

Yanbu, those vile scum need to be excluded. Hope your DS is ok. I wouldn't blame you at all if you did the same to them.

DownstairsMixUp · 09/02/2015 18:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

laughingmyarseoff · 09/02/2015 18:11

YANBU to feel that way at all OP. My sister was bullied and I really wanted to beat up the shits doing it.

Quitelikely · 09/02/2015 18:11

What an absolute thug and bully. Absolutely call the police. Don't discuss it with your son first because he is only 15 and doesn't understand the wider context of the whole thing.

Was there any reason behind the violence?

I like the idea of restorative justice. Nasty thug.

Bananayellow · 09/02/2015 18:12

Definitely not crazy loon mum.

I know someone who was reasonable after the assault of their 12year old child. They dropped the charges with the police because of the bad upbringing of the assailant and they felt sorry for him. In retrospect it was the worst thing they could have done. The child didn't feel the culprit had been punished. Also, although the child wasn't physically attacked again, the culprit continued to make life difficult for him at school and I think the school and social services (they got involved because of the nature of the attack) didn't take things as seriously as they should have done because "if it had been that serious, they wouldn't have dropped the charges".

You have CCTV evidence so you will be believed but my friend wished they'd taken it further at the time, and not been quite so understanding.