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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to hurt this child although I wont?

181 replies

LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 17:11

DS is in year 10. Today I got a call from his Head of Year to tell me he had been beaten up by another pupil.
It was all caught on CCTV and after viewing that and making further investigations the school have said ds was in no way responsible. The other child's parents have been informed and he is being included in school. Ds was tackled to the ground then punched several times. HoY said it was a very nasty attack. Most of the blows landed to the side of his head so no obvious marks and ds seems ok.

That's all great. I am happy with how it's being dealt with.

BUT....... I want to track down the brat, rip his arms out and beat him with the bloody stumps Blush I really do. My stomach is churning. Somebody dared to hurt my precious child for no reason.

Obviously I wont do anything but I am really shocked at the strengh of my feelings. Ive never been in this situation, is it normal to feel like this, or am I a very U crazy loon mother?

OP posts:
cookielove · 09/02/2015 17:22

I am Shock your poor boy!

I would take him to a&e just to check him for concussion!

magimedi · 09/02/2015 17:22

I would be expecting more than just an exclusion & I think I'd call the police.

And I totally understand your rage.

Frusso · 09/02/2015 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 17:23

Have I got the word wrong, I thought HoY said included. He's going into school but will not be able to join his class. He will work alone. Is that exclusion?. I'm not sure.

MrsGeorgeMichael I understand what you're saying but today my ds, in 5 years time maybe something much more serious that could ruin lives.

OP posts:
MrsGeorgeMichael · 09/02/2015 17:24

no one said you had to feel sorry fairy.
i'm just wondering what sort of life the other child has had.
i would have police involvement asap so that social services became involved tbh

ScotsWhaHae · 09/02/2015 17:24

Thanks frusso.

Police, without a doubt.

MrsGeorgeMichael · 09/02/2015 17:25

cross post lady penny.
have you contacted police?

Frusso · 09/02/2015 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NutcrackerFairy · 09/02/2015 17:27

I don't think George is condoning the other child's behaviour Fairy.

However it does seem to be the case generally that physically aggressive children and teenagers are learning this behaviour somewhere... and that does invite you to imagine the circumstances of this child's life.

However OPs concern must of course be for the mental and physical wellbeing of her own child.

tiggytape · 09/02/2015 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bloodygorgeous · 09/02/2015 17:28

I wouldn't call the police.

I'm sorry you are so upset and angry, it's normal to want to lash out at anyone who has hurt your childI do hope your son is ok. Thanks

UsuallyLurking1 · 09/02/2015 17:28

Hang on fairy! Whilst I have every sympathy for OP, how did this go from 'no obvious external injuries'

To black eye, swollen lip and bleeding head wounds in 20 posts!!

OP, I'd be in exactly the same place as you, would really struggle to deal with it and would want to sort it out myself

zipzap · 09/02/2015 17:29

When you say most of the blows landed to the side of his head, do you mean next to his head or actually on his head, just on the side so you can't see bruises beneath hair?

If he has been beaten up around the head with what the HoY is calling a nasty attack, I'd be tempted to take him to the doctor to get checked for concussion and anything that might be an internal injury - I don't think you can be too careful with attacks around his head Sad (still think of that poor actress who was hit on the side of the head ski-ing and thought she was OK - and then went into a coma a few hours later Sad - sorry don't wish to be alarmist but when it's his head I don't think you can be too careful - a bit different if it was his leg for example).

I also second the calling the police - if the attack is on cctv then there's plenty of proof, the police don't have to do any work in catching the culprit, they can just turn up, give him a ticking off and maybe a formal caution, and chalk up another 'solved crime' on their stats which is good for them. Just because it happened in school doesn't mean that the culprit can only be punished by school.

And yes - absolutely normal to be feeling like that I'd have thought. I don't think school staff bandy around terms like 'very nasty attack' without it being justified as they unfortunately I'm sure get to see too many to know when something is bad or when it's 'just' a spat (not that a spat is ok either). It would be more worrying not to be all lioness about your injured cub!

Hope your ds is really ok and that the perpetrator gets his just punishments!

Gasosaurus · 09/02/2015 17:29

You are definitely not crazy loon mother. I would want to kill the other boy too (I wouldn't). Am very surprised he's not properly excluded. I suppose it might depend on other boys previous history. I would go to A&E as a precaution and to have a record of it.

Weathergames · 09/02/2015 17:30

I feel your pain OP. This happened to my DD in yr 9. Girl was bullying her and got one of her mates to get my DD on the field (with about 100 spectators) and basically pulled her to the ground and kicked her repeatedly in the head Sad

Another pupil pulled her off as they thought the girl was going to do DD some serious damage.

More upsetting was that some of the kids videoed it on their phones and it was on You Tube.

I went to the police (backed by the school) and we went through the RJ process which I think really helped DD (and me!). Girl was made to apologise and explain her actions in front of us, DD, her own dad and the police.

Two years on and the girl has apologised to DD again personally without being prompted and they sit together in a couple of lessons - not best mates but it's ok and DD isn't scared of her.

YANBU OP it's a horrible horrible thing to happen.

TheFecklessFairy · 09/02/2015 17:30

Usual - because that's what happened to MY son - and I felt no sympathy for the perpetrator whatsoever.

Original poster
LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 17:30

My first reaction was that I would involve the police. However, would that make life in school harder for ds?. Despite being 6.3" he wouldn't fight back. He is quite nerdy I suppose but I wouldn't have him any other way. I think he would be mortified if I involved the police.

Does anyone know if it's possible to inform the police so there is a record but not actually take it further at this time?. I will also ask the school to keep the CCTV footage.

I am glad to find my inner rage is acceptable, I was quite worried there.

OP posts:
MoanCollins · 09/02/2015 17:32

Police. Definitely police. This person is violent and the police need to be aware. Given there is video evidence I'm shocked the school haven't done it already. It wouldn't be acceptable anywhere else, I hate that kids are expected just to put up.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/02/2015 17:33

Some teenagers are just nasty fucking yobs.

I know what you mean OP, I'd also be feeling very very angry with that decision to let him return to school albeit in isolation.

I have a 15 year old ds3, he's my youngest and if anyone beat him up him I'd go fucking nuclear.

GoooRooo · 09/02/2015 17:34

A two year old bit my two year old the other day. I dealt with it calmly, but I was raging inside so YANBU. Hope your son is okay.

Behindthepaintedgarden · 09/02/2015 17:37

I would involve the police. If an adult assaulted another adult like that in a workplace the police would be called. If the assaulting child is in a difficult home situation then it needs to be uncovered. If he's just a nasty brat then he needs to face up to the consequences of what he's done.
But there is no benefit to allowing him to go virtually unpunished. He'll just think it's okay to attack someone else when he feels like it.

Frusso · 09/02/2015 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ButterBrickle · 09/02/2015 17:39

So the kid who beat up your kid has been put into isolation? Is that the only punishment?

I would call the police, your son has been physically assaulted. If it happened in a public place, would you be happy with a slap on the wrist punishment?

Frusso · 09/02/2015 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 09/02/2015 17:39

You can log it with the police via 101. I would do that.
I am surprised this lad has only been given an internal isolation if the attack was described by the school as nasty. I'm also surprised the HOY told you this as they are not permitted to discuss sanctions with another parent.
I wouldn't be happy with a day's isolation at all.

YANBU for wanting to smack the shit out of the little bastard. I felt the same when my daughter was assaulted.

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