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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to hurt this child although I wont?

181 replies

LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 17:11

DS is in year 10. Today I got a call from his Head of Year to tell me he had been beaten up by another pupil.
It was all caught on CCTV and after viewing that and making further investigations the school have said ds was in no way responsible. The other child's parents have been informed and he is being included in school. Ds was tackled to the ground then punched several times. HoY said it was a very nasty attack. Most of the blows landed to the side of his head so no obvious marks and ds seems ok.

That's all great. I am happy with how it's being dealt with.

BUT....... I want to track down the brat, rip his arms out and beat him with the bloody stumps Blush I really do. My stomach is churning. Somebody dared to hurt my precious child for no reason.

Obviously I wont do anything but I am really shocked at the strengh of my feelings. Ive never been in this situation, is it normal to feel like this, or am I a very U crazy loon mother?

OP posts:
TheFecklessFairy · 09/02/2015 19:07

joanne - RTFT - the OP said that her son, in the school's opinion, was in NO WAY responsible, nor did he retaliate. FFS.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 09/02/2015 19:09

I can't believe the police's attitude - well done for pushing the issue. It's as much for the perpetrator imo, it could be a turning point for him? Good luck op

JudgeRinderSays · 09/02/2015 19:10

If the school are dealing with it the police won't get involved.

MoanCollins · 09/02/2015 19:12

Bollocks Judge Rinder, absolute shite. That is not true. If the police believe a serious enough offende has been committed they'll get involved. There's even been a thread on here recently about a case where police got involved against school wishes.

Original poster
LadyPenny · 09/02/2015 19:14

No joanne1947 all the punches were thrown by the other boy. The HoY confirmed that CCTV shows ds trying to walk away. When he was on the ground the other child was kneeling to the side punching him in the head. Ds turned his turned his head away which is how the blows hit mainly the back and side of his head so no obvious bruising.

OP posts:
AMillionNameChangesLater · 09/02/2015 19:19

Bloody hell, I'd be livid. Totally livid. You're doing the right thing

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 09/02/2015 19:26

Don't let it rest and get DS to the doctors for a check up. A day's internal exclusion Imo absolutely fucking disgraceful. My friend was beaten up at a similar age and he could have died, it was awful.

yanbu for how you feel. I am the same when my 2yo gets pushed over deliberately Sad

GoofyIsACow · 09/02/2015 19:27

The response from the police is terrible!
Good on you for standing your ground

JudgeRinderSays · 09/02/2015 19:27

It isn't bollocks, it is one or the other -police or school.Of course schools want to deal with it rather than get police involved.

LineRunner · 09/02/2015 19:30

JudgeRinder, a serious offence e.g. assualt is required to be investigated by the police if a complaint is made.

Just because it takes place in a particular location is irrelevant.

Behooven · 09/02/2015 19:34

I would be apoplectic and want to rip the little fucker limb from limb. Angry for you
Honestly, go to the police. The next victim might be even worse.

Hope your DS is ok .

LondonRocks · 09/02/2015 19:35

I'd be raging.

I'm with you.

And I don't have any misplaced sympathy for the little arsewipe.

chocogirl77 · 09/02/2015 19:45

Lady Penny, can you visit the police station rather than call 101? If you speak to the officer on duty and explain the situation as well as get your sons injuries documented by a trip to A&E, they might take it more seriously.

As it is, the community support officer who liases with the school will probably 'investigate' and it'll get brushed under the carpet.

I'm so sorry for you and for your Son.

lem73 · 09/02/2015 19:47

In a way I think you're lucky that any action was taken. My ds is the same age and was attacked in the street by three boys of the same age and slightly older last year. The police were called by a bystander and the boys were arrested and charged with common assault. My dh asked for a restorative justice option but the police chose to charge them. To cut a long short the CPS screwed up their paperwork and the case was dismissed by the magistrate. I was gutted. Basically these boys received no punishment for an unprovoked assault. Now I have to put up with the boys' families smirking at me in the playground because our younger dcs are in the same school.
However my ds is at a different school and has moved on. His confidence did take a bit of bashing at the time. He actually got involved in a fight at school for the first time ever two weeks after the assault. I think it was because he was wound up about it. It did help that he had really good supportive friends.
I think the real issue is making sure your ds is safe at school. I would be at the school first thing and not leave until they have told you how they will ensure your son's safety.
I would also take him to a and e. Don't take a chance with head injuries.
My last word of advice (which is a bit controversial) is to send your ds for martial art lessons. That's what saved my son from more serious injury. He escaped with a hairline fracture to his nose.

KERALA1 · 09/02/2015 19:50

I would want to sue for personal injury. Even if it didn't get anywhere a particulars of claim for £10k would focus the minds of his parents . Check your house insurance for legal cover

grannytomine · 09/02/2015 19:54

My daughter was attacked by a group of girls when she was ten. She is mid twenties now and if I see any of the girls now I still want to kill them, slowly, painfully and without mercy. I am normally a nice person, honest.

My daughter forgave them along time ago, she is a nice person.

Perfectlypurple · 09/02/2015 19:56

There is no point visiting the police station as it has already been recorded and they are getting someone to call her in a couple of days which is sta card practice. When she is contacted the officer will tell her what happens next, statements etc.

Xenadog · 09/02/2015 19:56

OP, schools don't like to make external exclusions because these have to be officially recorded and enough of them will trigger an Ofsted. Do not make the mistake of thinking an internal exclusion is the appropriate punishment for this thug - it isn't.

As a secondary school teacher I say you have done the right thing by getting the police involved. I also think that in this election year getting in touch with your local MP about how the school (and possibly the police if you are dissatisfied with their efforts) has dealt with this would be useful too.

There is no reason why the school shouldn't come down hard on the perpetrator and I personally would care not one jot about their background or any issues they may have. If my child was physically attacked like your DS I wouldn't rest until the hardest punishment had been metered out.

Ilovereadingbooks · 09/02/2015 19:56

Go to the police. I would feel the same as you. Hope your son feels better soon. Its a nasty horrible world sometimes.

angelohsodelight · 09/02/2015 20:06

If you make an official complaint then the police have to deal with it. They can't choose to press charges, you do. They don't want the extra statistic.

Perfectlypurple · 09/02/2015 20:07

Angel. That is wrong. A victim can chose to make a complaint or not. But the police and/or CPS decide on if there are any charges.

prettywhiteguitar · 09/02/2015 20:14

Has your ds been to hospital? I think it's important that he goes, sustaining injuries to the head is not to be ignored. Was it at lunchtime? You need more details about why it happened and how they are going to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I too would be reporting to the police and telling to school where to go with their 'punishment' that's a total undereaction on their part and I work in a school in a pastoral capacity.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 09/02/2015 20:25

With some home lives I think internal exclusions are the best.

I would rather this thug being in school alone in a classroom with a teacher watching him from start to home time ( I do think that it should follow with an after school detention as well) then him being at home happily on his Xbox.

I hope your son is going to be ok and the police takes action.

ohtheholidays · 10/02/2015 09:08

Completely normal how your feeling.

What the school is doing is piss poor.This isn't ordinary bullying(which is bad enough)it's a serious physical assault and the boy could face charges by the Police.

Ignore the idiot on the phone(DH is a Police Officer)she's completely wrong!I'd expect to see a Police Officer today,no later if I was you and I'd also make an appointment with your Dr for today,take your son with you and asked to be referred to the hospital for a head scan.Explain everything that's happened to your DS.

Serious physical force inflicted onto anyone's head should never be ignored.Better to be safe than sorry.

Head/brain trauma is often sadly missed.I wouldn't be taking any chances OP if it was my son.

anothergenericname · 10/02/2015 09:39

Just want to join the call for you to get him checked out. I lost a family member to a brain aneurism after a fight and the symptoms didn't occur until quite some time after the injury was inflicted :(

And no. You're normal. A little girl bit my two year old and I still want to bodily remove her from my son's vicinity even a year later.