To have zero patience with fussy/picky/faddy eaters?

[JudgeyHotPants]

I'm not talking about people with genuine medical conditions that prevent them eating certain foods such as celiacs, but those with a list as long as their arm of various foods that they "don't like" and who try and dictate where you should eat when you go out with them in a group, won't budge and insist on everyone else making allowances to suit their fussiness and then sulk when you don't. Pushing their food around their places passive aggressively with faces like slapped arses.

You might wonder why it bothers me so much but I have several family members like is and eating out with them is a nightmare. We're talking the kind of people who will only eat plain meat and two veg type of stuff and won't touch anything "fancy" or spicey or seasoned with herbs or god forbid anything "foreign". So when you go anywhere with them your restricted to cheap and chearful pub chains or fast food places. When they go abroad they even seak out those hideous places that do full English breakfasts and egg and chips! I find it rude and childish.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of behaviour and am often made out go be the bad guy when I push to go somewhere decent for a meal. But they way I see it your not ill, you don't have an intolerance, your just being a twat. Just shut up and eat it!

AIBU?

I have a friend who has these fussy, attention seeking behaviours.

Mushrooms
Cooked carrot (Although we know this one is now bollocks as we have seen her eat it)
Anything too milky
Butter

and the one that drives us crazy, Bananas. Taste, feel, smell, she makes a big scene about it and hates us having anything that will smell vaguely like Bananas.

Oh I have an allergy to grapes and raisins, I dont bleat on about it.

anzu66 So instead you'd prefer your guests to sit there and force themselves to eat something that they won't enjoy? To me, that sounds like some kind of power struggle rather than graciously entertaining a guest in your home.

Who me? Sounds like you are confusing inviting someone over for food with someone else.

Ending up with a takeaway when you've invited someone over to eat at yours isn't my idea of a great fun night out. It might be yours, but not mine. Maybe if we'd planned it in advance together, but I like to eat reasonably healthily, and I don't eat takeaways myself. But if a person can eat a takeaway, how on earth can they not eat a normal meal? Even out of politeness.

I find it rude, and I suspect its less to do with being fussy and more to do with being addicted to takeaways and having unhealthy eating habits. Not everyone lives on burgers, chips and takeaways, hard thought it may be to believe.

Ending up with a takeaway when you've invited someone over to eat at yours isn't my idea of a great fun night out.

Couldnt you just go ahead and make what you wanted to eat and friend could get takeaway for themselves?

I think if you invite someone over then as a good host you should ensure that they get to eat what they want. If you can't manage it without resentment then don't invite them. It's just the basic rule of being a good host.

I get fed up with DM, she's not a fussy eater but there are so many foods that upset her tummy e.g. chocolate, ice-cream, butter, milk, yoghurt, soya milk, cheese, bread, anything with seeds in like sunflower seed, but she eats it anyway and then spends half the morning on the toilet after scoffing a McDonalds McFlurry Or at Christmas when she confessed that she'd eaten chocolates at 6am

Every time she visits she tells us what she can't eat and we cook meals around it but it's not much fun thinking up a whole weeks worth of meals when she doesn't give me any ideas of meals I can cook!

A friend has a DH that only eats peas and sweetcorn for his vegetables, but that doesn't bother me because he just leaves what he doesn't like on the side and doesn't say anything about it. I try to make things like roast dinner or spaghetti carbonara for him and include peas and sweetcorn and one other vegetable in the roast dinner for the rest of us.

I don't invite people who I know will be utter pains in the arse to my home to eat.

Example - my husbands cousin. Announced she was gluten intolerant in October last year - not so gluten intolerant that she couldn't eat a pizza when when we went to an Italian restaurant. Not a gluten free base one either. In December she announced she was now vegan...then proceeded to order and eat sashimi at the Japanese restaurant we were in. Also ate veal over New Year. But will make a right royal fuss about being given the "right" foods when in your home. I've come to the conclusion that the woman is an idiot. And that kind of behaviour ruins evenings.

My brother previously mentioned upthread is fussy, if he eats at my home I will provide something he likes, why wouldn't I. It isn't going to make the evening anymore enjoyable if I knowingly give him something he doesn't like, which he then won't eat.

I don't consider myself fussy, but I grew up in Hungary and growing up I never ate bleeding meat, lamb or seafood.
consequently

• I don't eat meat that's still bleeding. or kidneys
• I don't like fish much and no seafood for me, prawns look like worms and make me feel sick to look at and I find the idea of eating raw fish appaling.
• I hate lamb

I can't actually eat anything spicy as in hot (love mustard and garlic though) I tried but I can't, it hurts

Zing - that's an interesting point. A lot of the fussy older people who won't eat anything 'foreign' or garlicy, or spicy, or just different from burgers and chips or meat and two veg (a lot of the 'fussy' people on here) are people who grew up with limited food options and choices (anyone in their mid - to -late 60s were born at times of rationing, and there was still limited food in large parts of the UK through the 50s). A lot won't recognise they are fussy because they grew up eating everything they were given and not making a fuss. The range and types of 'normal' foods has changed a great deal from 80s onwards- but some people have just carried on eating their old 'normal' foods cooked in old ways. not really changing with the national diet.

They often won't recognise they are 'fussy' more that the types of cafes and restaurants they like have become surounded by ones they don't. They haven't changed, menus have and if their limited diets aren't an issue for them catering for themselves, not recognising it's an issue for others to cater for them.

I guess that's why people with food allergies often realise they are more of an issue to cater for, they often have prevoiusly eaten the foods they can't have now, they are often in families where the foods they can't have are eaten by others, so see that their "I can't have X, Y and Z" can be an issue for catering for, whereas fussy people who have always eaten that way, (often with parents who just didn't serve those foods, or older so those foods just never got added to their diets in the first place) don't see that other people eat differently so they are having to make allowances and meal changes for them.

In your case, not eating lamb wouldn't seem like a big deal if you werent served it, or only a few times as a child. In the UK, it's been rather common to serve to children (cheaper cuts of meat so much more family/budget friendly foods, until chicken and beef fell in price), so it would have been served much more frequently and so not eating it would seem more of an obvious issue. In a similar vein, I have eaten horse once in my life and didn't like it. Not liking horse hasn't been an issue as that's the only time in my life someone has served me horse. (but not liking it the one time I tried it wouldn't stop me from eating it again if I was served it at someone else's house out of politeness, I just wouldn't order it from a menu).

oi, I'm not that old yet!

but that's what it is.
I eat what I consider normal food, chicken, beef and pork based meals and some fish (and of course fruit, veg etc) and a lot of foods that English people eat either disgust me (taste, smell,sight) or doesn't interest me and that includes certain cuisines.
it's textures as well, you could chase me round the world with marshmallows and jelly. both horribly sickening for me.

I wish I could like and enjoy certain things my DH loves, like a nice beef
l wellington or a Thai curry. but I can't.
as a trade off I can have all the mushrooms!

I didn't mean you were that old! but reading the thread, so many of the "only eat plain foods" are people who are the baby boomer generation. It's all the DMs, MILs and FIL who are fussy!

you had a similar issue, you ate everything that was 'normal' in your childhood, so not fussy. You've moved countries so now it might seem fussy to not eat lots of foods that are 'normal' here, whereas a similar change has happened to older people just staying where they are and the country's diet changing around them. (does that make sense?)

I had a housemate at uni who would freak out if I cut the carrots into slices. He wouldn't eat "round" carrot. It was carrot strips or nothing. He's a lovely chap but daft as a brush

I also can't stand fussy eaters (and I don't mean those with allergies / pregnant women / veggies and vegans). As a waitress they are the most annoying people you can ever come across; you stand there like a lemon whilst they fuss and tut over the menu, as the rest of the party obviously starts getting bored and embarrassed, and then when they finally settle on the fifth thing they've picked (the first four had lettuce / cheese / tomatos in, or something like that) they ask you to make 20 alterations to it. The chef gets irritated, I have to take a few minutes out to actually go and explain to him what's required (there are only so many lines of instructions the automated system can take) and then when it comes out after a longer wait than normal they a) bitch about the wait (well if you want a batch of sauce made special, tough) and b) complain it's not done right, the sauce is wrong, there's green bits in it and the menu said it came with tomatos, where are the tomatos? You know, the tomatos they asked you to take off when they placed the order.

Fussy eaters are fuckers!

The place I work at has a very wide and varied menu; we have whole pages of vegetarian and vegan dishes as well a page of gluten free and a list we keep at the back for those who can't have dairy / eggs or anything like that. Got an allergy? No problem. Pregnant and can't have fresh mayo? Absolutely fine, we have store bought for this. Fussy? I'll get you another colleague

FyreFly perhaps you should start using an iPod to record orders like this so that you can play it back to them when they start getting difficult. [evil ]

I have IBS - any milk product gives me D&V and wheat bloats me like I'm 8 months pregnant.

I feel totally mortified eating out with friends and "making a fuss". They don't know why I can't eat these things (who wants to talk D&V at the dinner table?). Your view is what I fear

Mary

it makes perfect sense! I'm not offended.

fyre

i had my gallbladder out in Oct and besides all things I won't eat now I have a whole lot of other things I can't eat.

why are you breathing down on people's necks while they are looking at the menu, figuring out what they want/can/able to eat?
sorry but that sounds really bad manners, if you were my waiter I'd tell you to back off and let me choose something without pressure.
because it's difficult enough without you judging me

It does annoy me when you invite a group of people to lunch and then one individual presents you with list of "Don't likes" as long as your arm including:
Only potatoes - no rice or pasta.
No seafood.
No pork or lamb.
No sauces except gravy.
No spices or seasoning at all.
No fruit.
No vegetables (even chopped up and cooked in a dish e.g. onions or carrots in a casserole...but then again casseroles also fail under the "no sauces" rule).
No cheese.

Just come clean and say "I'll only come if you serve me a beef or chicken roast dinner with optional veggies, followed by a treacle pudding and custard." instead of presenting me with the illusion of being able to choose a menu, when in reality there are no other options.

Cakes, is that example drawn from RL?

I wouldn't even bother inviting that person. How tedious.

Yes - RL and tedious .

Only

you have no idea how I hate being "the fussy one"
I have turned down many invitations and family gatherings because it is really stressful that I have limited choices.
It has made me cry that I can't just go and eat whatever.

all of you who call fussy eaters fuckers and tedious be fucking grateful you have no issues and health problems or dislikes or phobias or anxeity or whatever.

and maybe have more empathy next time.

Do most of you hate fussy eaters regardless, or only if they inconvenience you personally? Genuine question.

pennie, I don't hate them at all, but finding it annoying when sometimes a) they muddy the water for people with genuine medical conditions by blurring the line between "I can't eat" and "I won't eat" and b) they are oblivious about the impact their preferences have on their friends' and family's choices.
I'm sure that I've met plenty people who are quite fussy in their food preferences and not even noticed because they just crack on eating what they can and the company and conversation mean nobody notices what everyone else is eating. It is probably a tiny minority who turn it all into a performance in which they have the lead role.

Zing, I don't know why you singled me out from all the posters saying they don't like fussiness.

Cakes, I totally sympathise.

pennie, genuine answer: regardless. Meaning that I don't mind the inconvenience really (but largely because, thank heavens, none of the people I choose to eat with are fussy); I just find it very childish, rude and sometimes attention-seeking.

Nicki I think you will find there is lots of research on the psychology behind the pros and cons of a diagnosis. For some people who are severely impacted a diagnosis is a path to recognition, treatment and understanding. For a number of people though it becomes the cause of further symptoms and is de motivational. I remember while studying psychology that there were some professionals who felt there was nothing more damaging than getting an official diagnosis as people felt it defined them.

In all honesty, much as I love him, my DH is human and I do believe had he got a label of the kind you mentioned then yes, he would have used it in that way. Instead of giving meals a try he would have most likely said 'there's no point trying it, I wont be able to eat it because of my condition'.

I will admit that a pretty obvious character flaw of mine is intolerance to issues such as this. There is part of me that would like to feel more sympathy for such things but I just don't.

I cannot comprehend that in a world where hunger is a serious issue and poverty is common even in the UK that people indulge extreme fussiness. People are inevitable going to have some likes and dislikes, that's fine, but if I had food issues severe enough to impact on my ability to engage in everyday life then I would seek help. I wouldn't accept that as okay for myself.

Zing you have clearly missed my point. I am not talking about people who can't eat certain foods, I'm talking about fussy buggers who are perfectly capable of doing so but for whatever reason choose to be awkward and decide to arse about playing 20 questions with the menu for no good reason. The chap I used in my example insisted he couldn't have the quiche "as it had tomatos", proceded to order a steak - without the grilled tomatos - and then complained that when it was brought to him that there were no tomatos. THAT is what I'm talking about.

Nor do I "breathe down people's necks" - when someone at the table signals they're ready to order I stand to the side of the table and take the table's order. I don't hover about waiting for the party to choose; it's a busy place and I have other things I could be doing.

If there's someone in the party who can't eat some foods I'm perfectly happy to fetch our special gluten / dairy free menus, to help them pick out something they can have or to ring the kitchen to ask about options.