To have zero patience with fussy/picky/faddy eaters?

[JudgeyHotPants]

I'm not talking about people with genuine medical conditions that prevent them eating certain foods such as celiacs, but those with a list as long as their arm of various foods that they "don't like" and who try and dictate where you should eat when you go out with them in a group, won't budge and insist on everyone else making allowances to suit their fussiness and then sulk when you don't. Pushing their food around their places passive aggressively with faces like slapped arses.

You might wonder why it bothers me so much but I have several family members like is and eating out with them is a nightmare. We're talking the kind of people who will only eat plain meat and two veg type of stuff and won't touch anything "fancy" or spicey or seasoned with herbs or god forbid anything "foreign". So when you go anywhere with them your restricted to cheap and chearful pub chains or fast food places. When they go abroad they even seak out those hideous places that do full English breakfasts and egg and chips! I find it rude and childish.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of behaviour and am often made out go be the bad guy when I push to go somewhere decent for a meal. But they way I see it your not ill, you don't have an intolerance, your just being a twat. Just shut up and eat it!

AIBU?

Well I can see it's annoying if you have looked or want to go out for something to eat. But that is your problem more than theirs.

What is annoying is the grimacing or the insistence that what they eat is the right way to eat.

Very annoying with children that tell you that they " hate" whatever it is. Big deal just leave it. And no I'm not making you a whole meal now without the cheese sauce/ garlic/ spicy meat. You just pick out the bits you can eat and be polite.

There is a serious point to be considered though. When I first met my OH he listed a ridiculous amount of foods he disliked (all cheeses, a wide variety of veg, eggs, pasta). There was probably more but I can't remember them all. His diet was consequently lacking in several nutrients. He has serious acid reflux issues, a lack of energy and also wanted to lose a small amount of weight.

I slowly reintroduced most of these foods by incorporating small amounts building up to our incredibly varied diet of now. His health has improved hugely, in particular no longer needing antacid medication. Also I was determined when we had children they would not witness fussiness thus normalising such behaviour.

We have one son now and another on the way. My son will literally eat any cuisine, loves trying food from other countries and loves a variety of spice levels. So far he only dislikes raspberries!

Mrs D, why not just point me towards the poor countries where children are starving themselves because of sensory issues?

Oh and that is dumbass question.

What a class act.

Well said MrsDV.

Mrs D, why not just point me towards the poor countries where children are starving themselves because of sensory issues?

Countries so poor they cant feed their children but can fund studies into food sensory issues?

mrsC you've just described many of the symptoms of SED, in you're own DH, you know that condition you had no interest in finding out about?

Your not you're.

Well without having googled a label I'm sure was totally necessary to his survival he has now got passed the issue and enjoys food far more. Tell me, what use would have been getting an 'official' name for refusing so many foods?

The WHO/WFP are deeply invested in such issues in poor countries, are they not?

She refuses to even taste other food and is a nightmare at dinner parties, pulling faces etc. It's pathetic

Not tasting food that you don't want to taste is not pathetic but pulling faces is unless the pulling faces is due to someone going on at you for not tasting some thing you don't want to taste

I have a lovely friend with a severely restrictive diet (self imposed, no health issues) but so what! She never makes a fuss and just eats what is available that she likes. I wouldn't dream of trying to make her try something, she's an adult, she doesn't have to eat it if she doesn't want to.

If she made negative comments about what others are eating then I would be annoyed but she doesn't. The DC know that they can say that they don't like something but they're not allowed to say it's disgusting or yucky or even worse make gagging noises (looking at you DD3 ) because that's just really disrespectful.

The WHO/WFP are deeply invested in such issues in poor countries, are they not?

I dunno, why dont you find out and you can let us know.

MrsDeVerve- with respect it stands to reason that countries with plenty of food from many cultures is bound to encourage fussy eaters. It's a numbers game surely?
I'm sure plenty of children hate fish,curry or soy sauce but if they haven't got any alternatives then they haven't got as many options to be fussy.

I guess you could say that about many conditions couldn't you mrsC? Eg autism. Lots of talk about what use is a "label" but in my experience it helps to know what you're dealing with otherwise you might not make the required allowances. Not saying that's relevant to your particular situation just in response to your question regarding how a label might help. I just found it surprising to read of your experiences, yet you said you had no interest in reading about something that may have been relevant.

some of the posts on here about Sensory issues are bordering on being disablist, i hope you realise that.

I'm sure that things like food aversion do exist in other countries, but the children who ARE food averse to the available food probably starve to death or die from malnutrition related illnesses in infancy.

I can assure you, my son with autism who is seriously food avoident wasn't overwhelmed with choice as a child, but he sure as hell refused to eat almost everything put in front of him, and yes he did starve himself rather than eat.. luckily i live in a country where there is a wealth of choice and managed with much heartache to find some foods he will eat, enough to sustain him and get him off the 'failure to thrive' list.

I don't care what other people want to eat except when I'm the one desperately trying to cater to them. My PILs are the fussiest eaters I've ever come across, they will only eat very plain meat (not even veg!) and potatoes. It's actually really stressful trying to cook them. I made them shepherd's pie, lamb in red wine stew etc... the first time they visited and they barely forced down a single bite each time (I swear I'm a pretty decent cook). I even screwed up with mashed potatoes by making them with parsnips mixed in... the horror! The next visit I remembered that I'd seen them eat spaghetti bolognese before so I decided to make that, only to be informed by my SIL that they won't eat garlic or mushrooms and probably not onions - I ended up making the most miserable bolognese ever. It drives me nuts to see my FIL cover his food with salt before even taking a bite as well...

Give me a vegan, gluten-free dinner guest anyday, I can work with that. I defy anyone to come up with a weekend's worth of meals that will please my PILs!

any way.. this thread has been done to death.

I believe that on the last one, the majority established that you fussy haters dont have a fussy eater problem, you have a twat problem.

ie, its not the not eating that bugs you, but the performance that goes with it.

Thankfully, most picky/fussy eaters just do their best to get on with it, but the drama queens? they give the rest of us a bad name and need to fuck off.

I think a diagnosis is helpful in the case of people who are seriously affected by something in their life. Autism is a good example as a child who struggles with everyday life can then access support with recognition of why they are struggling. What you are describing though, is attaching a label to even the most borderline of cases. I have briefly read about the condition you mentioned now and I think if my OH had got that label it would have been an easy go to excuse not to address the problem.

YANBU.

My FIL is dreadful for this. He won't eat butter whatsoever, even if it is just a bit on some veg, because "it's saturated fat" but he will eat an entire block of cheese in one go. He won't eat anything "in a sauce" but somehow this does not include potato dauphinoise or a piece of game in a wine sauce.

He won't eat a chicken breast on a bed of roasted peppers, but he loves chicken fajitas -- somehow the chicken and peppers must magically change into something else when they are wrapped in a tortilla.

The whole thing makes no sense. He won't eat anything with cream in it, but somehow that changes if said cream is on top of a trifle.

I agree entirely with your post of 23.22 imbatdog similar situation with one of my dc.

I have to say too that I have never met an extremely food fussy person or child in my life that did not have underlying issues or a condition or eating disorder of some kind. I also think it's a matter of perception too, I went to an ex boyfriends house for dinner, the only things I don't eat are red meat and I don't like trifle. I also don't drink tea or coffee either. Guess what his Mum served? All of the above and then told me I was the fussiest person she had ever met because I couldn't eat the meat and refused a cup of coffee.

Supertasters and non-tasters are scientifically recognised. Its not always 'just' picky eating and some people will never 'grow out of it'

www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/articles/senses/supertaster.shtml

mealtimehostage.com/tag/supertaster/

I'm not describing "attaching a label to even the most borderline cases" at all, please quote me where I have. This is a general discussion and I expressed surprise that you had abruptly told me you had no interest in something I mentioned when it clearly had some relevance to your experiences. At no point did I suggest your DH had it.

Also I don't really understand why a "label" would lead to a condition not being addressed? Or are you saying you think that's how YOUR DH would have responded?

YANBU. I find eating with my ILs a chore. They like their food as bland, dry and chewy as possible. Eating out is a better option as at least there's a better chance of eating something enjoyable than wasting time cooking something faffy that I wasn't keen on that still turns out to be too tasty and gets the pick, pick treatment. Complaints when eating out have included ambient lighting, food being seasoned with anything other than the gallon of salt they apply to olbiterate any hint of flavour, anything that deviates from a set way of preparing food e.g. skins left on chips. Discussions on a mutually acceptable place to eat can be long winded. Due to the distance they live, eating can't really be avoided. I suspect that the underlying reason is being used to badly prepared food, and a generally unadventurous attitude. I'd be surprised if they had tried most of the foods they apparently dislike.

In small mercies, at least they put ketchup out when serving their overcooked roasts as no other gravy or sauce is served, and its hard to chew through the meat in the absence of any moisture. I tend to score badly on guess the meat.