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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have zero patience with fussy/picky/faddy eaters?

249 replies

JudgeyHotPants · 09/02/2015 16:37

I'm not talking about people with genuine medical conditions that prevent them eating certain foods such as celiacs, but those with a list as long as their arm of various foods that they "don't like" and who try and dictate where you should eat when you go out with them in a group, won't budge and insist on everyone else making allowances to suit their fussiness and then sulk when you don't. Pushing their food around their places passive aggressively with faces like slapped arses.

You might wonder why it bothers me so much but I have several family members like is and eating out with them is a nightmare. We're talking the kind of people who will only eat plain meat and two veg type of stuff and won't touch anything "fancy" or spicey or seasoned with herbs or god forbid anything "foreign". So when you go anywhere with them your restricted to cheap and chearful pub chains or fast food places. When they go abroad they even seak out those hideous places that do full English breakfasts and egg and chips! I find it rude and childish.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of behaviour and am often made out go be the bad guy when I push to go somewhere decent for a meal. But they way I see it your not ill, you don't have an intolerance, your just being a twat. Just shut up and eat it!

AIBU?

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 09/02/2015 20:15

After all no one WANTS to be fearful of food surely?

Goodness what i would not give to be able to tuck into something as simple as a curry at the weekend or even have a banana smoothie.

MaryWestmacott · 09/02/2015 20:17

Tinkerbell - I think the problem isn't that different people have different preferences, it's that some people have a long list of foods they won't have and they won't allow for other people's preferences to be taken into consideration and just have a meal that's not to their taste some times.

And that's all fussiness is, a preference. When people are aware enough to know that so they should either avoid food being a social occasion or just accept sometimes they'll have to only have the bread or the simpliest meal on a menu, that's fine. It's when they feel their preference should have prority over everyone elses in a group, that's when it's a problem.

Sadly, there are a lot of fussy people were pandered too throughout their lives and just never had to confront the idea that other people might not want to eat their way, that they are being difficult and other people's food likes and perferences should have the same weight as theirs. And when it's a family member, it becomes a lot harder to work round - leaving people out gets tricker when so many 'family occasions' are centred around food.

Tinkerball · 09/02/2015 20:19

But why should anyone have to eat something they don't like though?

NeedABumChange · 09/02/2015 20:19

YANBU! I have a friend who will eat nothing but plain chicken and baked potato and carrots! It's a nightmare and for some reason the rest of us pander to her and always organise meals with her in mind. She refuses to even taste other food and is a nightmare at dinner parties, pulling faces etc. It's pathetic.

cremedecacao · 09/02/2015 20:22

Stopthefrog- I am also lactose intolerant (more mildly than you, but thats not the point) and I still think the op is NBU Grin

ImBatDog · 09/02/2015 20:27

i've got better as i've got older, my problems are sensory related, i have a type of ASD and i'm also a 'super taster' which can make things interesting.

I try to be adventurous, i don't limit where my friends go to eat.. i will check out the places menu before hand and see if there is something i can eat, and if not, i decline the invitation.

What i dislike is people over 30 being described as 'fussy' surely by the time we're adults we know what we like and dont like? There are things i'm willing to try, and things i won't.. i hate cinnamon and paprika and won't touch anything with fish in it (bar cod and tuna) and i loathe 'cajun' spicing. Calling me fussy because i choose not to keep assaulting my palette with things i don't like and know i don't like is unfair.

ChickenMe · 09/02/2015 20:34

Yanbu. Aibu to still be laughing at lung

I find extreme fussiness irritating. I have relatives like this. Two will only eat freezer food. Others poke and prod at food with suspicious faces "what's that? what's this?" as if it's poison. Not related to me by blood I may say but all related to each other. So I say learned fear.

I wouldnt pander to it or give any attention to the fussy person. It's childish and they probably got attention from it in the past hence carrying it on. Actually I know children who eat more adventurously than some adults!

It can affect me in that I love food but if you have fussy eaters around you end up going where they want because they are so narrow minded. I draw the line at having my choices restricted because they choose to be so restrictive.

I don't care what they eat day to day but if you're going out or its you cooking then Yanbu to roll eyes at them.

MaryWestmacott · 09/02/2015 20:37

Tinkerbell - but that's the Op's point, she has to eat things she doesn't like but can eat because someone in their group/family won't eat a list of foods, pushing everyone to only eat their preferences. If it's not an allergy, it's "won't eat" list, yet 'fussy' people generally present is "can't".

Needabumchange - why do you keep inviting her to meals? It can't be good company if she pulls faces and insults the food throughout a meal, she clearly doesn't like food. can you not just stop inviting her for meals and explain why? Arrange other stuff with her if you don't want to not see her, but I also wouldn't stop the rest of you eating meals together.

Deux · 09/02/2015 20:38

I can tolerate fussiness as long as they STFU about it. It's the ones that go on about it, pull faces, that get on my nerves.

Just overgrown toddlers who then say something equally toddlerish such as 'bleurgh how can you eat that it looks like vomit/poo/something the cat brought up. They're just plain rude.

MrsCs · 09/02/2015 20:56

I don't get the distinction when people say 'it's a sensory issue for me'. Taste is a....sense? So all fussiness is a 'sensory issue', it might be a more 'official' sounding way of putting it but semantically you are saying the same thing. Weird!

MajorasMask · 09/02/2015 20:59

I grew up eating badly, and yeah, I hate being "fussy" or "picky" whichever you'd like to use. I tried curry for the first time when I met DP a couple of years ago - I just need a certain sauce made with no extra onions/veg and it's fine! I'm very picky with textures, nursery and school always worried about my limited palate. Now I am an adult and I am embarrassed in any situation involving food and people I don't see often. Seeing DP's posh family who eat smoked salmon and lobster makes me feel uncultured and I often grin and bear it through meals, even when I have the urge to spit it out or vomit. Restaurants serving one type of thing (Mexican, Chinese etc) can be a puzzle but usually I just get the plain sides if there's way too many peppers/onions/mushrooms and too much sauce.

I do try things just to make people shut up and stop asking me to try it just to prove that I'm not doing it for attention. It's not fun to gag on things or pick through a bowl finding every tiny bit of onion to remove or to waste money on something I thought I would like. I wish I liked everything but it's just not going to happen - I try my very best to apologise and not have it impact on others, but it's certainly a real 'thing' to me and I'm glad that most people understand that I am embarrassed by it and don't want to disrupt already set plans for meals. I still attempt to branch out within my own comfort zone but after my dad forced me to finish food as a child I will not go through that bullying again.

I think YABU to think all fussy eaters demand that others do what they want with food, actually I would say most fussy people IME try and minimise the impact as much as possible.

Tinkerball · 09/02/2015 21:00

Mary the OP doesn't have to est things they don't like, they said they like everything apart from liver.

Some of these comments are really quite horrible actually, for me it's just about wanting food I actually like, nothing to do with being fussy, wanting attention and I'm certainly not "choosing" to be "restrictive"....why is it so hard for some people to understand others dislike certain foods. Of course I would never be rude about anyone else's food either.

NickiFury · 09/02/2015 21:01

What's "weird" about it mrsc? It's no different to have different preferences to something like colour or certain fabrics we prefer to wear or sounds we can't bear. It's only different in that it's harder to overcome or manage because it's something you are putting into your mouth, FULL of taste buds so a total onslaught on that particular sense. I'm quite surprised at quite how hard this is for some people to understand.

Runningupthathill82 · 09/02/2015 21:11

YANBU, OP. And what I find particularly irritating is when grown adults want to go to chain restaurants because they "know what they're getting."
I have friends who would choose, every time, to eat at Frankie and Benny's rather than a genuinely good restaurant. Gives me the rage.

pepperpigmustdie · 09/02/2015 21:12

YANBU.

My mil and db are pathetic and infuriating when eating out.

Mil won't order anything but will wait for people to receive their dishes and if she likes the look/taste she will expect to be offered a portion of it. If she doesn't like it she will say "eeeeew that's racid!!' While your actually eating it. When I first ate out as a family I was shocked that no one blinked an eye at it. It took me about two years to build up the courage to say fuck off "no I'm starving i'm eating it all" not that I don't mind sharing but to feel that entitled to eat every fuckers meal is taking the piss!

Db will only eating white meat and chips Angry

pepperpigmustdie · 09/02/2015 21:13

Frankie and Bennys.... Dry arse garbage!

MrsCs · 09/02/2015 21:13

I think you've misunderstood Nicki. I get likes and dislikes, I don't get why people refer to as a 'sensory issue' as if that means something different to not liking the taste. The two phrases have the same definition.

NickiFury · 09/02/2015 21:27

Because it affects some people more greatly than others. For example I don't like sweet and sour food flavouring in food but I wouldn't be sick if I ate it. My ds was violently sick when he ate one piece of asparagus at my persuasion. It affects him more, the sight, smell, taste all combine to be an assault in his senses that makes him fearful and unable to eat it. That's very different from just not liking the taste of something.

As I said before, certain sounds, fabrics, colours affect people differently so why not food? You didn't answer why you used the word "weird" to describe my suggestion of sensory issues. What exactly is "weird" about that idea?

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 09/02/2015 21:32

Do sensory issues exist in poor countries?

MrsCs · 09/02/2015 21:34

Again 'weird' was in reference to using 'sensory issue' to mean something different to 'not liking the taste' when they are the same thing. What you've described with your DS would be extreme dislike of something, still not different at all. It is possible to dislike something so much it makes you sick, still not a different meaning in terms of words.

SurlyCue · 09/02/2015 21:35

Texture plays a big part for many people mrsC perhaps that is the sensory issue they mean. It is a factor for me.

majoras i am very much the same as you in what you describe. And i can assure anyone that attention is the last thing i want when it comes to my diet. Far too much of that all my life with people deciding what i will eat and that i just need to be made to eat or starve and setting things in front of me to 'prove' i can eat if i just tried while they watch. Nah, fuck that. If the entire table could carry on with their meal oblivious to the contents of my stomach that'd be fab thanks.

NickiFury · 09/02/2015 21:37

Google Selective Eating Disorder.

SurlyCue · 09/02/2015 21:38

Also i think you'll find that sight and smell are different from taste.

NickiFury · 09/02/2015 21:39

I don't think "weird" is an appropriate word to use. Do you label everyone who holds a different opinion or who offers an alternative argument as "weird"? Confused

bubalou · 09/02/2015 21:41

YANBU!

I chose chimichangas for my birthday 3 or so years ago. Not particularly a fan of mil and sil but we're friendly and I like to try and make an effort so invited them too.

They said choice of restaurant was fine - yes I did check.

Mil wouldn't eat a starter and made a point of saying it was because there's nothing she likes on the menu.

Sil did the same - plus ordered chilli for her main and then sat through the whole meal with a huge frown on her face for AGES picking out every fucking kidney bean!!!!?ConfusedConfusedConfused

It was so painful! Why order that! They had steak, chicken meals, fajitas, salads - it's not like everything was really spicy or anything - there was loads of choice.

Still pisses me off now. Haha Wink