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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have zero patience with fussy/picky/faddy eaters?

249 replies

JudgeyHotPants · 09/02/2015 16:37

I'm not talking about people with genuine medical conditions that prevent them eating certain foods such as celiacs, but those with a list as long as their arm of various foods that they "don't like" and who try and dictate where you should eat when you go out with them in a group, won't budge and insist on everyone else making allowances to suit their fussiness and then sulk when you don't. Pushing their food around their places passive aggressively with faces like slapped arses.

You might wonder why it bothers me so much but I have several family members like is and eating out with them is a nightmare. We're talking the kind of people who will only eat plain meat and two veg type of stuff and won't touch anything "fancy" or spicey or seasoned with herbs or god forbid anything "foreign". So when you go anywhere with them your restricted to cheap and chearful pub chains or fast food places. When they go abroad they even seak out those hideous places that do full English breakfasts and egg and chips! I find it rude and childish.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of behaviour and am often made out go be the bad guy when I push to go somewhere decent for a meal. But they way I see it your not ill, you don't have an intolerance, your just being a twat. Just shut up and eat it!

AIBU?

OP posts:

ZingTheGreat · 10/02/2015 15:35

Only

because you said you would not even invite people like that.

which is very hurtful

PrimalLass · 10/02/2015 15:37

pennie, I don't hate them at all, but finding it annoying when sometimes a) they muddy the water for people with genuine medical conditions by blurring the line between "I can't eat" and "I won't eat" and b) they are oblivious about the impact their preferences have on their friends' and family's choices.

Oh FFS. I don't eat gluten 99% of the time. When I do I feel rubbish. I'm not forcing it down just to please someone else.

ZingTheGreat · 10/02/2015 15:41

i apologise then Fyre i misunderstood the "waiting while they choose bit". sorry

making people wait for no reason is a control issue not a food issue. and that I condemn too

OnlyLovers · 10/02/2015 15:44

Zing, I didn't say 'people like that's. I said I wouldn't invite the person with the extensive 'won't eat' list that Cakes gave.

ZingTheGreat · 10/02/2015 15:55

Only

but you don't know why that person has such a long list.
i took it personally as I have a long list too.
and I bet I'm "that person" for others, so it is upsetting for me that people probably might think I am tedious.
if you think it others bound to think it as well.

not singling you out but your post is the one that touched on something that makes me feel really bad about.

anyway I'm leaving this thread as it's upsetting me a lot.
not your fault though.
I'm reading things into what others said because I have a problem with eating out and at others'.

MaryWestmacott · 10/02/2015 15:59

We have got to the stage of not inviting some people in our family for meals who are difficult about food. Buffets are a good get round for times like Christmas when you have to host at some point over the season, but even then there's lots of dicussion about what they can and can't have. (You can have it, you just don't want to - different)

OnlyLovers · 10/02/2015 16:00

I would take it quite personally if I invited someone to eat at my house and they issued a long list of 'won't eats'.

It would make me feel like a short-order restaurant chef rather than a friend who was offering food, drink and company.

If your problems cause you such upset and make it impossible for you to attend social events, then you could try getting some help; they sound as though they go beyond simple fussiness.

chocolateorsalad · 10/02/2015 16:20

I'm probably considered a fussy eater by most people I know because the things I really don't like are the things that most people do like.

I don't like mushrooms, mayonnaise, ketchup, BBQ sauce, vinegar, or cheese (althouh mozzarella I quite like, because it doesn't have a "cheesy" taste). I don't have a problem with this and I can always find something I like on a menu. But it's the people I eat with who make an issue of it that annoy me! FIL is lovely but he always has to bring it up when we go out to eat. We see him twice a year and go to pub grub type restaurants. I'll usually order a burger, along with a lot of other people on our table. But I'll have mine plain, so just the meat in the bun. To me that tastes delicious and I don't feel like I'm missing out, because I know I don't like the taste of all the things I've listed above, so why would I want them on my burger just so other people don't make an issue of it? FIL will always say, "A nice PLAIN burger eh?" and, "So you haven't expanded your food likes yet?" and I smile sweetly but inside I'm thinking, "Stop bloody bringing it up! Why would I want to eat a food I genuinuely dislike just because it's something you like and therefore think I should like too?!"

You can tell this pisses me off just a tad

OnlyLovers · 10/02/2015 16:25

chocolate, yes, I agree, people who bring up fussiness are irritating and rude (and I mean both the fussies and the commenting-on-fussies).

I was at a friend's for dinner with a small group including a person who's now an ex-friend of the rest of us (not because of this incident! We're not that petty).

My friend made brownies for pudding and gave us a tub of non-dairy ice cream to go with them. The ex-friend made a huge song and dance about how it was 'unusual' and she wasn't sure she'd have any, and how she liked her ice cream with lots of fat and dairy and sugar and on and on and on. I thought 'How ungrateful' when our friend the host had bought it for us!

I don't particularly like and didn't want non-dairy ice cream either, so when it got passed to me, I just took it and quietly passed it to the next person. Ex-friend noticed and said loudly 'Oh, Only, don't you like it either?!' so everyone was looking at me.

So fucking rude and scene-causing.

TheChandler · 10/02/2015 16:48

NickyFury I think if you invite someone over then as a good host you should ensure that they get to eat what they want. If you can't manage it without resentment then don't invite them. It's just the basic rule of being a good host.

Well, I must be a terrible host because you say so then, since I can't do takeaway curry just like a takeaway. Curries are not my strength at all, but if you have a guest who is determined only to eat curry and nothing else from the whole of the rest of the food in the world, then that's the way it will be - I don't run a restaurant either, nor have a staff behind me, so I don't really feel that bound to "ensure that they get to eat what they want" - they're a guest, and while I have a damned good try, I don't really expect their nose to be turned up at anything I might offer. I have sat through my fair share of meals as a guest that wouldn't be my exact choice, but what little spoilt prima donna cannot sit and make polite faces and look as if they're enjoying it?

Didn't your parents teach you any manners?

SoupDragon · 10/02/2015 16:57

I was going to read this thread and reply and then I read this

I have zero tolerance for people who post inflammatory bollocks on the internet.

And I think that says it all really :)

NickiFury · 10/02/2015 17:42

You say you've encountered "people", not just one person who avoids your food mrschandler? If that happened to me more than once I think I would be looking to brush up on my cooking skills. Could that be an issue here do you think? That you're not actually a very good cook?

Personally if I invite someone over, I ask them about likes and dislikes before I decide what to cook. I find this simple compromise alleviates all resentment over fussiness and therefore I do not find myself consumed with rage at other peoples eating habits.

Clearly we have different ideas of what constitutes good manners. Personally I have few food issues so pretty much eat anything that's put in front of me (within reason obviously).

I'm also a bit confused as to why you asked me if I had been taught manners? What exactly did I say to indicate that I had not been?

NickiFury · 10/02/2015 17:43

Sorry THEchandler. Not sure what happened there.

Also I think soupdragon summed this thread up nicely.

OnlyLovers · 10/02/2015 17:48

If that happened to me more than once I think I would be looking to brush up on my cooking skills. Could that be an issue here do you think? That you're not actually a very good cook?

That's so rude. It's quite funny that you then ask why you're being asked if you have manners.

NickiFury · 10/02/2015 17:51

It's just a question only . And it's actually true. If I showed someone some lovely fresh ingredients and they turned their nose up and requested a take away AND this happened more than once I would certainly be wondering if my cooking were the issue?

Also that question came after I was accused of having no manners. So I was asking from my previous posts. Do you see that?

OnlyLovers · 10/02/2015 17:56

I do see that, Nicki, although thanks for the patronising little check. Regardless of the order in which those two things happened, I still found it quite funny and strongly suggests that no, you don't.

There is an obvious difference between what you say in your latest post (that you'd be wondering if it was your cooking) and in your previous one on the issue (asking chandler if she thinks she might not be a very good cook).

NickiFury · 10/02/2015 18:00

I don't really understand the point you're making. You said I was rude to ask the question so I explained why I had asked it. I would think it about myself too so asked Chandler if she might consider that. I haven't changed anything, it all comes from the same train of thought.

chipshop · 10/02/2015 18:03

Can't stand fussy eaters, they suck the fun out of eating out. DP's DSis and her DH are both vegetarians who don't like vegetables. They look po-faced at every restaurant menu and pick at their food like it's an alien species. That's because they basically just eat cheese and tomato pizza at home.

HoobleDooble · 10/02/2015 18:12

I don't like custard. I'll go anywhere with you and try anything
I haven't already eaten. But don't try and push custard on me, my mother tried to force me to eat it for years, despite it being the only thing I'd ever refused. Sorry for being so picky.

HoobleDooble · 10/02/2015 18:21

I don't mind picky eaters, if they just get on with it. It's the one that acts like a toddler about it that boils my piss (not looking at my 'adult' niece at all). Announcing loudly that they don't want "any of that salad and shit" on their burger, making fake sick noises and heaving faces if you offer them the shared dish if vegetables, and actually spitting food back onto their plate if they accidentally put something with vitamins in their mouth.

I was sitting there, fucking mortifed, while her mother and grandmother (my in-laws) pandered to this 18 year old woman-child. MIL is much the same, acts like she's due a medal, and actually uses the phrase "being brave" in relation to trying a new food.

Am considering holding all my son's birthday meals at foreign restaurants in the foreseeable, as their predictable invitation refusal will weed out this behaviour.

NickiFury · 10/02/2015 18:22

At "being brave"

TheChandler · 10/02/2015 20:11

You say you've encountered "people", not just one person who avoids your food mrschandler? If that happened to me more than once I think I would be looking to brush up on my cooking skills. Could that be an issue here do you think? That you're not actually a very good cook?

Well, one person, in my case. If I did use the word "people" in previous posts, then please excuse me as I was probably making a generic reference, as in "rude people in general.

I hadn't cooked for this guest before. Perhaps they didn't like the idea of a meal cooked in someone else's house? I found the whole thing a bit strange, and one of the rudest things I've had a guest do.

Yes, so do I, as I'm sure does everyone, but they failed to supply the details, so I bought steak and potatoes and veg. A particularly nice steak too. And they had a takeaway with beef in it instead.

Clearly we have different ideas of what constitutes good manners

Thank goodness for that. I just could not bring myself to go to someone's house for a meal, screw my nose up at it and insist on being driven around looking for a takeaway instead. I'd be mortified. They were really fussy about finding the "right" takeaway as well.

I'm not sure if you are aware how odd your comments sound, you don't come across as very genuine, but more as if you are trying to twist the facts to points score. Maybe you don't realise how obvious you are being? I get the impression you are probably quite an abrupt, rude person and vaguely know this, but come out with all these bizarre ways of justifying it to make yourself feel better.

Anyway, rudeness is a sure fire way of not getting invited back, or being avoided - can't stand rude people, don't want to be near them.

NickiFury · 10/02/2015 20:14

I'm sorry I didn't read all that.

Let's just agree to disagree shall we ?

DinoMight · 11/02/2015 11:10

Oh I like that.

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