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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: Not enjoy watching DS play soccer, rather get on with my own work or play solitaire on my laptop

136 replies

Evelight · 08/02/2015 14:18

DS, aged 9 plays soccer. he loves it, and is very very enthusiastic about it. It is the only afterschool activity that he gets ready for and goes willingly, without an hour of bellyaching beforehand.

Their coach circulated an e-mail a while ago asking all parents to watch kids play, to encourage their child, to be involved with the game. Well bollocks to that. I often have work with me and I use the "quiet hour" sitting in the lobby of the gym (they have unusually comfy sofas) marking, reading etc. Sometimes just playing solitaire- whatever. Nobody's business, surely? I don't "get" soccer anyway.

DH loves soccer, he also take DS - he is the ideal parent from coach's pov. Really engaged, together with all the other parents yelling encouragement. Fine. Later, they talk about soccer, look up youtube clips, talk about Messi and Ronaldo. Also fine, nice father-son bonding say I.

The annoying thing is now DS has the expectation for me to watch him play. Last year he wouldn't give a hoot whether I was watching or not- he just enjoyed the game. Now he nags "Why don't YOU watch me play?" "Other parents do" "Daddy does" "I wish daddy would always take me" "Youpr efer doing your work to watching me"

Oh do shut up. This is annoying. I wish the coach, other parents, DH, etc would not perpetuate this idea that it is somehow our responsibility to actually watch the kids play- isn't it enough that we pay hefty club fees, and give up at least two hours of our weekend, driving around etc? We also have to be enthusiastically following each game?

OP posts:
Original poster
Evelight · 08/02/2015 14:22

Am now getting ready to go. Getting on bloody shinguards aaargh.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/02/2015 14:22

I've watched two of my 3 play football for years, ds1 and 3 are 19 and 15.

I love watching them and I love football anyway.

If you feel so passionate about not watching him then don't but I think you could make an occasional effort if he wants you there.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/02/2015 14:23

Are you in the UK?

ilovesooty · 08/02/2015 14:25

If he's passionate about the game I don't think it would hurt you to get involved. If you got interested, asked questions etc you might enjoy it.

Original poster
Evelight · 08/02/2015 14:25

I do actually- that is my cunning compromise. I drop in the last 10-15 minutes or so and make a note of what he is doing. the in the car I can chirp "Oh yes, I saw you catch the ball! wonderful!"

Even those 10 min I am bored out of my mind though. And the noise and yelling and thumping.

The annoying thing is, he would have been just as happy to play without my chirping. It's other adults who created this fake expectation in him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Evelight · 08/02/2015 14:26

Canada. Used to live in UK.

OP posts:
rocketeer · 08/02/2015 14:26

That's a bit sad. My boys play every Sunday and I love watching them play because they want me to be there and showing me what they can do. I also get to chat to other parents and drink coffee at the same time. I work ft so if I didn't watch them play I wouldn't see them much at the weekend!

ilovesooty · 08/02/2015 14:27

What a shame you see it as such a chore.

Eva50 · 08/02/2015 14:28

Actually I'm afraid I think YABU. I can't stand it either. I dislike standing in the cold observing any sort of sport but I believe it is my job, as a parent, to do so. I'm also not fond of very very long orchestral concerts or festival classes where 45 children all play or sing the same piece for hours but feel it is my job as a parent to be there.

Waitingonasunnyday · 08/02/2015 14:28

I like watching DC at things. But they know I can't do it all the time due to work/the other DC etc. I don't watch football training except last few minutes, but I do watch matches whenever I can.

arlagirl · 08/02/2015 14:29

I did it for about 8 years. I used to mainly chat to other parents. Missed most of his goal scoring. But everyone else filled me in. Smile
When he got to 13 I refused to do anymore.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2015 14:29

I'd love to see dads' reactions at being told they had to stay and watch every move their daughter made at ballet class.

hoobypickypicky · 08/02/2015 14:29

YANBU. It isn't down to the club to dictate what you do with your time and they're being VU to try it. A kids' sports club is exactly that - for the kids to do. You take them, you drop them off, you come back and collect them at the appointed time. Make an effort to be there for the "big games", cup matches, league title battles, local "derbies" but stand and watch every one of them? No thank you (and I like sport!). I don't watch my DC each violin lesson, each time they go to cubs or each archery lesson. These are two-way things, they benefit the child and they benefit me too.

Original poster
Evelight · 08/02/2015 14:30

It is a chore for me- I do it because I can see the value of it. But I don't see why I also have to fake interest in order to qualify for the good parent certificate.

OP posts:
WhatismyLife · 08/02/2015 14:30

YANBU. I really hope my DC don't like football/soccer when they're older as it is so so dull. I'm really not a sport person and have no interest in it.

YABU if you mean actual matches though. I think you should make the effort for those, but for general practice hours after school, YANBU.

BackforGood · 08/02/2015 14:32

I think that was very unfair of the coasch, tbh.
What about all the parents who have other dc to look after / take to places, and those who actually need that time to complete (or do some more towards) their work? It really is none of his business.

FWIW, I do like football, and am happy to watch dd's games, but I don't feel it's necessary to watch her train - I've got other stuff to be getting on with. Yes, I agree with those saying ti's good to show an interest in your dcs' activities / hobbies, but that doesn't mean your whole life can necessarily be dedicated to watching everything they do, throughout the week.

Of course YANBU

ilovesooty · 08/02/2015 14:36

If you learned more about what was going on perhaps you wouldn't have to fake interest?

If other parents are there it's not surprising if he wants you to be.

googoodolly · 08/02/2015 14:39

I think you should make the effort. He won't want you there as a teenager so it won't be forever - would it really kill you to go and cheer him on for a couple of hours once a week?

And as for the poster who said dad's wouldn't be expected to go to ballet classes - Hmm, my dad took me to all of mine, and sat and watched me every week. He definitely wasn't the only one there. I'm sure he was bored shitless a lot of the time but he never showed it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/02/2015 14:40

Football's better as they get older!

CleverPlansAndSecretTricks · 08/02/2015 14:40

YANBU
I think it's great that he is doing it because he enjoys it, not just for parental praise. He has one parent who is really into it, that's plenty. pretend to watch the odd important match sure, but standing about for every practice is madness! Imagine if parents all had to do that for every violin lesson? I think your approach is perfect and his coach is a bore with no imagination and a sense of humour failure.

Paleodad · 08/02/2015 14:41

curlyhairedassassin
That's quite a sweeping sexist statement

Theas18 · 08/02/2015 14:44

I could never watch DS play rugby. I was just waiting for the injuries.

WeAllHaveWings · 08/02/2015 14:47

I drop and run at football training but always make the effort to be there on (freezing cold/raining) Saturday mornings for the games (home and away) and cheer him on. I detest football and usually miss the goals and don't know what the final score is, but he knows I'm there "watching" and we talk about the game on the way home and it means a lot to him.

Part of being a parent (thankfully swimming lessons are over as they were worse, but at least I got a seat and it was warm!)

ChocolateCherry · 08/02/2015 14:49

Well I'm with you regarding finding it a strain but if my ds had noticed as yours has, I think I'd try to at least appear to be more interested.

My ds used to play football and I found the whole thing completely impenetrable (not to mention some of the other parents' over reactions which always bemused me Confused) but I did used to clap and shout well done here and there (whilst reading Kindle at same time Wink). It's fair to say football will never be something I have the slightest interest in, but it was important to ds to have me there cheering him on so that was enough for me.

Thankfully ds has moved on to another activity which Dh and he go off and do and both love.

I8toys · 08/02/2015 14:53

YANBU - never been and never will. Said to my husband if son number 1 takes it up he is doing the participating and watching. Husband is now running the development football side. He does the sports stuff which I hate and I do the school stuff - assemblies, plays, sports days, PTA, Governor.