AIBU: Not enjoy watching DS play soccer, rather get on with my own work or play solitaire on my laptop

[Evelight]

DS, aged 9 plays soccer. he loves it, and is very very enthusiastic about it. It is the only afterschool activity that he gets ready for and goes willingly, without an hour of bellyaching beforehand.

Their coach circulated an e-mail a while ago asking all parents to watch kids play, to encourage their child, to be involved with the game. Well bollocks to that. I often have work with me and I use the "quiet hour" sitting in the lobby of the gym (they have unusually comfy sofas) marking, reading etc. Sometimes just playing solitaire- whatever. Nobody's business, surely? I don't "get" soccer anyway.

DH loves soccer, he also take DS - he is the ideal parent from coach's pov. Really engaged, together with all the other parents yelling encouragement. Fine. Later, they talk about soccer, look up youtube clips, talk about Messi and Ronaldo. Also fine, nice father-son bonding say I.

The annoying thing is now DS has the expectation for me to watch him play. Last year he wouldn't give a hoot whether I was watching or not- he just enjoyed the game. Now he nags "Why don't YOU watch me play?" "Other parents do" "Daddy does" "I wish daddy would always take me" "Youpr efer doing your work to watching me"

Oh do shut up. This is annoying. I wish the coach, other parents, DH, etc would not perpetuate this idea that it is somehow our responsibility to actually watch the kids play- isn't it enough that we pay hefty club fees, and give up at least two hours of our weekend, driving around etc? We also have to be enthusiastically following each game?

But why Andrewofgg?

Just because YOU chose to do it?

For many of us kindle it's a case of balance.
The OP (I presume from the 'marking' comment) is a teacher. She needs to get that marking done as part of her job. From where I'm sitting, that means she either takes him to his training, and gets some marking done for 3/4 hour while she's there, or she doesn't take him. Personally, I think she's doing what most of us do - her best to juggle all the things into the day that she can. This is training - she has already said that her dh is really into it and spends lots of time involved with the football.

My closest friend here is a hockey mom, and omg that is scary. Often more than four evenings a week, often in far-away stadiums (over an hour drive each way), icy rink. I am always thankful neither of mine took to ice, despite the culture here.

Will somebody please pass me the job description for parents- it sounds like a useful document to have at hand.

But the current compromise seems to work well- I watch the last 15 min and make happy comments about it in the car.

DH travels a lot and can't make all the games. When he's here he loves going.

Kindle- when they were smaller I wouldn't let on my deep boredom with many aspects of parenting, But now they are at an age when they can appreciate we all have different interests, and I often do have other actual work to get on with, even during the weekends.

His comments about my not watching annoy me more than make me sad, because I feel it is a fake expectation created by other people's action- he never cared about having me watch before, he's being doing soccer since he was 5.

Mocker No. because it comes with the parenthood territory. You go if you can; you watch if you go.

What a sad attitude that you feel overburdened by watching your son play soccer for a whole hour when you'd rather work or play on your IPAD. Does your OP make you feel good when you read it back to yourself?

You don't need to "get" soccer - it's about your child.

I don't personally empathize with your perceived problem

There's no law that says you have to watch if you go. And the OP is watching for the last 15 mins.

Andrew - Really? I used to do gym and netball for the county. My parents never came unless it was a major tournament. It never occurred to me that they would come and sit around while I practiced! Likewise, my son never assumes I will stay and watch him. It doesn't seem to bother him. If it's a game, I will stay, but for practice... I guess I am lucky in that where I live parents have similar feelings, often sharing lifts etc. We are very active in other activities - putting things on at school for after school activities so they are hardly neglected.

Evelight. I don't agree it is the parenting code that you have to show interest in everything they do (to the extent of having to watch him ALL THE TIME). I am sure if you said "I can mark while you play and spend more time with you later", your son sounds like that is acceptable to him. That is what counts!

FixitUp - get a grip as you say its one hour out of the week. She doesn't feel overburdened she just doesn't feel the need to go and its everyone else that has put the idea in her son's head.

It doesn't make her a bad parent in any way. These are extra things in your child's life - not the essentials.

YANBU, OP.

Some of the pearl-clutching responses upthread, however, ABVU in their oh-will-someone-please-think-of-the-children attitudes.

It's not part of being a parent. And the coach was out of line to send the email suggesting that it was.

I have come across this perspective from some sporty families before, though. Sport is such an important part of their lives, and the way they relate to their kids, that they can't imagine how being a good parent is supposed to work without every kick of the ball being a shared family event.

Such thinking represents a failure of imagination on their parts, though, not a failure of parenting on yours.

Why assume it's everyone else planting the idea? I used to play sport as a child and loved it when my mom showed an interest and watched and conversely found it irritating when she obviously could care less because it "wasn't her thing".

regardless of why, OPs son has advised he would like her to take an interest. I'd take his word for it.

I stand by my opinion that the OP has a bad attitude about it

Well said Geeka

I am not interested in all the interests of my children. I do not need to pretend to be interested in their interests for them to understand that I am interested in them.

Same goes for my husband and my friends. I have been known to sayhumorouslythat's bores me to years, come tell me all about it.

OP, YANBU and you're not a shit parent (which is clearly the judgmental subtext here).

Oh, and to those bemoaning the use of the word 'soccer'or letting it pass because OP is in Canadayou might want to have a word with the good people at (the UK) telly programme, Soccer AM.

*tears of course, not years

YANBU OP. My siblings and I all had different sports hobbies, my parents could never watch us all- lack of time and conflicts- especially all the time. They came to my big ones (once or twice a year), the same with my other siblings. While it was nice to have them there, I was very independent and really looked forward to pushing myself that little bit more in the other games. People- mainly other parents- did try to be competitive and show up and express sympathy that my parents weren't there but that was just them pushing their own issue and competitive natures onto my relationship with my parents. I wouldn't have even considered it an issue if they didn't keep going on. Luckily for my parents I didn't start asking them about it, I just rolled my eyes at the other parents and had fun. Certainly in hockey it wasn't that hard to when at least two of them had fights every weekend and one was an overly enthusiastic cheerer! Made me glad my parents didn't show up often and never embarrassed me.

Your compromise sounds good and seems like it works for both of you, that's all that's really important. Not anyone else's opinion or thought but that it works for you and yours.

Imo putting yourself out for you child and putting them first is par for the course of a parent but it refers to being responsive and caring- not going to the games has not bear on your responsibility or caring OP.

2 hours a week. One hour practice (Saturday evening), one hour game (Sunday morning).

He also does martial arts 3 evening a week on weekdays.

DD swims four evenings a week weekdays, with "swim meets" twice a month on saturdays. Piano Sunday evenings. I've fought to leave saturday afternoon free of drama class.

I hasten to add they both enjoy these activities and asked to be signed up- I wouldn't have committed otherwise. I also think these are good, healthy activities, and I am willing to spend a significant chunk of our family income, not to mention time and energy, on them.

I just draw the line on actually having to spend the time there watching them.

I can't mark by the game- it's too noisy.

I don't watch my ds play football, I can't bear standing around in the cold for an hour feigning interest in something that bores the pants off me. Even the fact it is my fabulous ds out there doesn't help. I send dh instead. And if he isn't available I send grandad

Mocker What I am saying is: Go if you can, if in good faith you can't, you can't. But watch if you go - DCs should not see parents there but not there, nose in a book or watching their bloody mobiles.

Yanbu, OP. I resent that many people's view of good parenting seems to be based on how many "activities" kids are dragged around to, like it or not. Classic performance parenting, imo! I'm of the generation where there was little or no parental involvement or interest in kids' lives outside school and we were probably only sent to activities -brownies, guides etc. to give parents some time together sans kids. The extent of my parents' involvement was to wave me goodbye and let me in afterwards.

And the coach was out of order. I'd take his "instructions" up with him direct-cheeky bugger.

i think you should watch. H said his parents never watched and he was secretly jealous of the other kids whose parents were there.

IMO this stage is so fleeting, and its par of parenthood

try to be a little less selfish and watch

the thought that 30 years later he still remembers how everyone elses parents watched and they didnt makes me feel a little sad.

( try having three kids who do cricket, rugby , hockey , basketball and occasional athletics!)

The world does not have to revolve around your kids and their hobbies.

Data - her dh goes so there is a parent watching him.