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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: Not enjoy watching DS play soccer, rather get on with my own work or play solitaire on my laptop

136 replies

Evelight · 08/02/2015 14:18

DS, aged 9 plays soccer. he loves it, and is very very enthusiastic about it. It is the only afterschool activity that he gets ready for and goes willingly, without an hour of bellyaching beforehand.

Their coach circulated an e-mail a while ago asking all parents to watch kids play, to encourage their child, to be involved with the game. Well bollocks to that. I often have work with me and I use the "quiet hour" sitting in the lobby of the gym (they have unusually comfy sofas) marking, reading etc. Sometimes just playing solitaire- whatever. Nobody's business, surely? I don't "get" soccer anyway.

DH loves soccer, he also take DS - he is the ideal parent from coach's pov. Really engaged, together with all the other parents yelling encouragement. Fine. Later, they talk about soccer, look up youtube clips, talk about Messi and Ronaldo. Also fine, nice father-son bonding say I.

The annoying thing is now DS has the expectation for me to watch him play. Last year he wouldn't give a hoot whether I was watching or not- he just enjoyed the game. Now he nags "Why don't YOU watch me play?" "Other parents do" "Daddy does" "I wish daddy would always take me" "Youpr efer doing your work to watching me"

Oh do shut up. This is annoying. I wish the coach, other parents, DH, etc would not perpetuate this idea that it is somehow our responsibility to actually watch the kids play- isn't it enough that we pay hefty club fees, and give up at least two hours of our weekend, driving around etc? We also have to be enthusiastically following each game?

OP posts:
KindleFancy · 08/02/2015 14:56

Why don't YOU watch me play?" "Other parents do" "Daddy does" "I wish daddy would always take me" "Youpr efer doing your work to watching me"

Doesn't that make you feel sad op? He's proud and happy and wants YOU to be proud of him and watch him do what he loves.

I HATE football and thankfully don't have to go to training with Ds's aged 4 and 7 because DH is a coach so he takes them.

But ds1 has a Saturday match every other week, and I go and watch them all. The thought of either of them saying ^ that to me is awful tbh.

Goneintohibernation · 08/02/2015 14:59

YABU if you mean you don't watch the matches. I never watch DS training, and he is happy with that, but he'd be gutted if I said I didn't want to watch him play in matches. It does make a big difference to them having parents cheering them on from the sides.

I8toys · 08/02/2015 15:00

But why does it need both of you. Its okay if you've nothing better to do but if you have a busy life and work you need weekends for other things. I feel aggreived when football matches get in the way of days out for me and my other child.

DraggingDownDownDown · 08/02/2015 15:10

I am totally with you on the bore factor. Can't your DH just take him?

My DH takes DS2 to his taekondo (yawn) and I do his riding lesson. Each of us do the one's we prefer.

ArgyMargy · 08/02/2015 15:15

Training no, matches yes. You might learn something. You might definitely learn something about your child's friends' parents!! I remember many a sideline "coach" getting very shouty and the boys didn't know which instruction to follow sometimes… Happy days I'm glad I didn't miss. Never went if it was raining though. Grin

ArgyMargy · 08/02/2015 15:16

Oh and YABU for calling it soccer.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/02/2015 15:19

Argy she's in Canada, that's what they call it out there, that's why I asked if she was in the UK otherwise I'd have said the same as you Wink

MrsTawdry · 08/02/2015 15:19

I understand OP. It sounds like my idea of hell. My sister's entire weekends have been taken up for the past 5 years with football one day and netball the next. She watches EVERY game. Fair play if she likes it...but GOD! It sounds like a life sentence to me and the epitome of living life through your children.

Why not watch "important games"? Or just one or two per term? She couldn't do it she says...feels bad for missing one.

MrsTawdry · 08/02/2015 15:20

Out of interest, OP why can't their Dad take them weekly?

I8toys · 08/02/2015 15:21

That's another reason why I don't go ArgyMargy - the shouty aggressive parents - there would be a sideline skirmish if I went!!

Mehitabel6 · 08/02/2015 15:22

It is nothing to do with what the coach said- regardless of that of course he wants you watching and involved.
I hate football- I had years of standing watching games- it is part of being a parent.

Suefla62 · 08/02/2015 15:22

Well it's fine as long as you don't mind them bring not interested in what you do when they're older because you're dull and boring.

BackforGood · 08/02/2015 15:27

Argy Canadians are allowed to call it soccer Wink

My dc used to do swim training 2 or 3 (or even 4 sometimes) times a week. I like chatting with other parents on the side, so could make it look like I was interested in what they were doing, as it was too far to go home and get back again in traffic at that time of night. On the nights dh took them, he doesn't like chatting so would take a book and fall asleep. I can honestly say - although they do remember him falling asleep (as they couldn't work out why he didn't slide off the narrow seat and into the pool Wink), it has quite honestly not affected their relationship with them one little bit. All my dc have just as good a relationship with dh as they do with me, so, the fact one parent is enthusiastic is more than enough. The fact the other one still enables them to get there, even though it's not their 'thing' is actually appreciated by the dc more as they get older. OP your ds will NOT be traumatised by you doing your marking / reading / MNing in the foyer while he trains.

SwedishEdith · 08/02/2015 15:30

Of course YANBU.

meanwhilebackintherealworld · 08/02/2015 15:47

It's not "part of being a parent" fgs! It's not even part of being a parent to take or send your son or daughter to clubs in the first place! It might be your idea of being a parent, whoever said it, but it's not the norm and it's not a failure if you don't do it.

clam · 08/02/2015 15:54

YANBU. I was in the very fortunate position of have a ds who wasn't into football. Grin Phew!

Next time your ds whinges about you being on your laptop instead of on the sidelines cheering, point out that it's your work that pays the fees for him to be there in the first place.

ArgyMargy · 08/02/2015 16:00

Ok I forgive OP for the soccer thing. But through my DSs I did learn to like football and now they are grown up & gone away, football is something DS1 and I talk about and watch together. It's an important connection for us.

ArgyMargy · 08/02/2015 16:03

er, watch on TV that is - you wouldn't get me at a match unless it was in a box or at the warmer ends of the season!

PeaStalks · 08/02/2015 16:09

Well I agree it's mind numbingly boring and I loathe the shouty parents but it's part of your job as a parent. You have to do it and he will know and care if you are not there.

Tisiphone · 08/02/2015 16:10

Of course not, OP. I have no intention of becoming any kind of touchline martyr, however passionate about any sport my son becomes. I am currently the mother who brings her laptop to soft play, and unapologetically so.

meanwhilebackintherealworld · 08/02/2015 16:14

"it's part of your job as a parent. You have to do it "

Bollocks and, ummmm, bollocks.

A parent's job is many things. Feed, clothe, house, nurse, love, educate. It is not to stand watching something which it isn't essential to watch when there are other things the adult wants or needs to do. Note the word "adult". The adult doesn't "have to do" anything of the sort.

JeanSeberg · 08/02/2015 16:17

I used to stay in the car during the match. Read my book, had a nap.

Thankfully he gave it up a few years back.

Mocker · 08/02/2015 16:17

I've just read this thread and am a bit Hmm

meanwhilebackintherealworld - as far as I am concerned you are the voice of reason! When I was a kid we didn't have all these activities after school (I was trying to explain to my 6 year old the other day why there is a picture of me in arm bands when I was six - because nobody did swimming lessons. Now I don't know a child that doesn't have lessons after school). If we did activities, they would be after school or brownies, where my mum's involvement was taking / collecting me!

That's not to say I don't think children should do activities - mine do swimming, football, rugby and gym. Personally I hate both rugby and football and hate standing around in the wet and cold so have taught my kids that footballers/rugby players play in the rain but their mummies can sit in the car!!

So, OP, I don't think you are not being unreasonable. I mean, what if you couldn't take him and he relied on a lift from a friend? You wouldn't be there then.

And, I don't think my lack of interest in 1 or 2 of my sons interests will mean he is any less interested than he already would be in my interests in future. I don't think if I feign interest in football he will suddenly be interested in my sewing. Just because the OP doesn't watch all of it, she's still supporting his interest by taking him!

Andrewofgg · 08/02/2015 16:18

I had to watch my DS playing hockey so I am not overly sympathetic. No mobiles in those days to sneak a look at. Step up to the plate and WATCH HIM!!

KindleFancy · 08/02/2015 16:26

I'm a bit sad that some people don't find taking an interest in things that are important to your dc as 'part of being a parent' tbh.

It's central to being a parent IMO. Lots of things about small children - even my own - bore me. But I wouldn't let them know that in a million years.