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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: Not enjoy watching DS play soccer, rather get on with my own work or play solitaire on my laptop

136 replies

Evelight · 08/02/2015 14:18

DS, aged 9 plays soccer. he loves it, and is very very enthusiastic about it. It is the only afterschool activity that he gets ready for and goes willingly, without an hour of bellyaching beforehand.

Their coach circulated an e-mail a while ago asking all parents to watch kids play, to encourage their child, to be involved with the game. Well bollocks to that. I often have work with me and I use the "quiet hour" sitting in the lobby of the gym (they have unusually comfy sofas) marking, reading etc. Sometimes just playing solitaire- whatever. Nobody's business, surely? I don't "get" soccer anyway.

DH loves soccer, he also take DS - he is the ideal parent from coach's pov. Really engaged, together with all the other parents yelling encouragement. Fine. Later, they talk about soccer, look up youtube clips, talk about Messi and Ronaldo. Also fine, nice father-son bonding say I.

The annoying thing is now DS has the expectation for me to watch him play. Last year he wouldn't give a hoot whether I was watching or not- he just enjoyed the game. Now he nags "Why don't YOU watch me play?" "Other parents do" "Daddy does" "I wish daddy would always take me" "Youpr efer doing your work to watching me"

Oh do shut up. This is annoying. I wish the coach, other parents, DH, etc would not perpetuate this idea that it is somehow our responsibility to actually watch the kids play- isn't it enough that we pay hefty club fees, and give up at least two hours of our weekend, driving around etc? We also have to be enthusiastically following each game?

OP posts:
Original poster
Evelight · 08/02/2015 17:38

@Andrew- If I'm by the field, I watch, it's too noisy to do anything else really. But my nose is in a book, laptop, papers in the lobby outside the field, so he doesn't to undergo the pain of me being there but not watching him :) the horror- parents have other things to do not directly related to kids!

@Datahub- if we are to resort to namecalling, I would call other parents lame for spending their time watching and getting sooo excited over a kids' game. But I don't.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 08/02/2015 17:39

does no harm for him to realise that everyone has different interests. And that for many people sport is for participation, not spectating.

you can still talk about it with him.

BingBong36 · 08/02/2015 17:40

I do not like football but I LOVE watching my boy play and it makes him happy that I am there supporting him.. Surely that is what parents are there for? Cheer the children on and support them.

It's very sad that you don't enjoy it!

Original poster
Evelight · 08/02/2015 18:02

They're bunch of little boys running round a field kicking a ball. I kinda think it's sad that grown adults -who also happen to be parents, but presumably have interests and things to do from before and not directly related to parenthood- take such an interest in it.

It's a very first world problem though- I admit that.

OP posts:
paxtecum · 08/02/2015 18:20

Wow. Maybe be honest with him and tell him you can't be bothered.

notsogoldenoldie · 08/02/2015 18:26

pax the OP is already taking him there, waiting for him, and taking him home again. Hardly "not bothered".

paxtecum · 08/02/2015 18:29

Sorry, I think op is a miserable, sad woman.
Why would anyone rather play solitaire on their phone than watch their DS playing football?

JollyFrog · 08/02/2015 18:33

Thats why im glad DS plays cricket. Nice sunny day, picnic, good book. Pretend your watching the cricket. Win win situation Grin

Audweb81 · 08/02/2015 18:40

No you're not BU. Our families interests were music me and my siblings played in a million groups every week that our parents took us too etc. there would have been no expectation for them to watch us practice - they showed up to the concerts and took interest that way. Don't see the difference between that and football practice

meanwhilebackintherealworld · 08/02/2015 18:50

"Sorry, I think op is a miserable, sad woman.
Why would anyone rather play solitaire on their phone than watch their DS playing football?"

pax, how long have you got? Clearly too much time on your hands. It's great that you have it but like the OP I don't so I'll pass on giving you a long list of reasons.

This boy is nine. He is, as his mum says, at an age where he can appreciate that people have different interests. That's healthy. That's good parenting. That's a child who's not going to be a spoiled little Lord Fauntleroy. He's being brought up to realise that the world doesn't revolve around him and that his parents have jobs and lives too.

kawliga · 08/02/2015 19:01

2 hours a week. One hour practice (Saturday evening), one hour game (Sunday morning). He also does martial arts 3 evening a week on weekdays. DD swims four evenings a week weekdays, with "swim meets" twice a month on saturdays. Piano Sunday evenings.

You are an AMAZING parent to have signed up your dc for all that activity time, which costs money and time for you to take them there.

There are so many children who do NO activities at all, because their parents cba to sign them up for anything or pay for it or take them there. Often taking them to activities means waiting, so it's a huge time commitment. I can't believe posters saying that's not enough, you also have to WATCH every minute? Confused

I know a young girl with a very demanding boyfriend, he is sporty and expects her to be at every game watching - probably was raised to think people who love you have to watch you at all times if you're on the field. Teach your dc to play for love of the game, not so they can be WATCHED every minute! 'Look at me, mummy, look at me! Mummy, see what I can do, look, look, mummy, see what I'm doing!' is for toddlers.

Mehitabel6 · 08/02/2015 19:14

It is all part of being a parent to me. You support the child you have and not the one that you might want. If they have an interest that they have chosen then you at least show an interest and don't let them down by never being there and preferring to play on laptops etc.
Looking back it is a short time and I am glad that my children had me thinking it was part of being a parent.
I know that I would have been very disappointed when I was a child if my parents couldn't be bothered to watch me in something.
It is a very simple thing to do for them. Children don't want much, but they do want your time.

Mehitabel6 · 08/02/2015 19:16

Why would anyone rather play solitaire on their phone than watch their DS playing football?

Exactly! You can have years of playing solitaire when they have left home.

kawliga · 08/02/2015 19:32

2 hours a week. One hour practice (Saturday evening), one hour game (Sunday morning). He also does martial arts 3 evening a week on weekdays. DD swims four evenings a week weekdays, with "swim meets" twice a month on saturdays. Piano Sunday evenings.

OP does all this, and posters are having a go because she watches solitaire sometimes?!! She drives the dc to all these events, and she watches the last 15 minutes of the game, then has a chat with her ds about it!!!

Also, OP has WORK to do. I think the situation might be different if OP was a stay at home mum who no hobbies, no friends, and also had a full time nanny and possibly a chauffeur to drive everyone around, plus a housekeeper to make sure everything is ticking over at home. In that case yes, I would say she IBU to dare watch solitaire instead of keeping her eyes glued to the dc every minute.

grannytomine · 08/02/2015 19:33

I feel for you, with three sons and three grandsons I have stood in the cold watching football, sat by the pool watching swimming lessons etc etc for more hours that I would like to think about. I just think it is what we do for our kids even though its a penance for non sporty parents.

Mehitabel6 · 08/02/2015 19:39

It is up to the individual.
Mine didn't do many clubs -only the ones they chose- apart from swimming which I see as an essential life skill.
The ones they did were ones they loved and since they are all adults now it was such a short period looking back and I prefer them to have the memory of a mother who showed an interest and gave them her time, rather than one who couldn't be bothered or begrudged it.
It is part of being a parent to me-sometimes you put yourself out to support.
If you don't see it as being part of being a parent then you don't need to do it.
We are all different.

Original poster
Evelight · 08/02/2015 19:39

Thanks for the kind messages- most kids in their set seem to do as much, if not more - my dd had a go at me last for week for refusing to drive out in snowy, freezing rain weather on the highway to an out-of-town swim meet, in the dark, and she sulked for the whole weekend after, so I often feel I'm doing the bare minimum expected of parents.

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 08/02/2015 19:40

I shall do exactly the same if I have grandchildren grannytomine because I see it as a very important role.

I8toys · 08/02/2015 19:44

Oh god grandparents at swimming lessons drives me crazy. Not enough seats and grandma, grandad, auntie, mum and dad and the world turn up. Takes just one parent - but that's a whole other thread.........

Original poster
Evelight · 08/02/2015 19:45

I would rather play (max. two games of) solitaire than watch soccer. I'm not ashamed of that. Sorry not sorry. There's also NR Shooter and Tetris. All good games.

I also play video games with DS occasionally. yay bonding!

Maybe if parents developed other interests than watching kids kick balls, they wouldn't fall apart when their kids grew up and left the house? At least I will have gaming to fall back on!

OP posts:
MajorasMask · 08/02/2015 19:50

i don't think you are being U. one of my housemates is in a band and i've known him ages, his band aren't entirely my thing, but he really annoys me and puts me off by asking us to attend every single local gig and it turns into a guilt trip. we know all the songs and because they're wanting to make it we just make up the numbers. i find it sadder to fake excitement and delude somebody, and i would say it's a good lesson in childhood that sometimes people don't want to come to your thing but they do appreciate your passion and how important it is to you, they just don't want to go. i see it as a similar situation. if you're going just do your thing and as others say, at least your kid can get to the activity and you are supporting him in that.

rookiemere · 08/02/2015 19:54

YANBU.
It would be fine if by watching you could help your DS to improve, so if you were interested in the sport you could give him pointers, but if you're not, then meh, don't know what you watching it will achieve.

DS goes to rugby (or doesn't now that DH has decided that he is too busy and important to have a regular commitment, but that's a whole other thread Hmm). He's one of the coaches so is obviously involved when he is there.

If I am there instead, I will use the opportunity to jog round the pitch during the time, rather than standing freezing at the sidelines watching several dozen small boys chasing balls. If it's a match then I'll do my best to look vaguely interested.

On the swimmeet though, well I have to admit I'm glad that DS isn't the worlds best at swimming. It is a tough old parental and child life getting up at the crack of dawn to take them to meets, however if your DD wanted to go and was good enough to be there, then yes I feel you should have taken her there. What you did once you got there though is your own affair !!

Scholes34 · 08/02/2015 20:00

It's up to you OP. Your children. Do what you want. Personally, if it's a choice between playing solitaire and watching DS play in a football match, I would make a different decision to you. Football, ballet, korfball, rowing - it's important to me to be there to encourage them and get enjoyment watching them and discussing events afterwards too.

I haven't watched them in every match or event, but if they specifically said they wanted me to be there, I'd be there for them.

Scholes34 · 08/02/2015 20:02

. . . and I do have my own interests for when they all leave home.

laughingmyarseoff · 08/02/2015 20:08

Rookie I suspect the weather may have played a part in the op not going too since she's mentioned snowy icyness, not all roads are good under those conditions. it snows here I go to work but make few unnecessary journeys because so many accidents happen on them.

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