to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

[middleschoolmuddle]

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

Because in the hours that they are not in lessons I do my job as a parent to put them in the right head space to succeed in life.

…says she with the privately educated siblings, parents and grandparents.

I'm going to come right out and say this Talkin, I've seen you post on many many education threads raving on about state education. I think you are being incredibly disingenuous (at best) if you think that state education is the be all and end all for kids who don't have the privilege afforded to your DC by virtue of their background.

What background is that?

OP - I don't know you in RL but your writing style is fairly unique especially since you obsess about the same topic over and over again. The school is indeed good and I understand why you would like to send your DC there but you have 3 DC! You are handwringing over the cost of 1 DC and now, over the cost of 2DC. The stress when the time comes for DC3 will be unbearable - do us all a favour, please don't start another thread asking for advice especially since once again, you will be ignoring it all anyway.

If the Op's school is the one that I think, and it is the only one matching the criteria that comes up in East Anglia then I am distinctly underwhelmed by their university destinations.3 to Oxbridge!!

I don't think it's about the destinations. Since OP is moving her DD to a state school for 6th form and has no plans/expectations for university.

3 Oxbridge from an independent school? That's pathetic.

3 Oxbridge from an independent school? That's pathetic
Surely that depends to a mahoosive extent on

• the size of the school
• its ethos
• its intake

there is more to life than Oxbridge

There is definitely more to life , and academic success than Oxbridge!

And I say that as someone who went there and now works there.

True but seeing as we are continually told how academic and selective this wonderful school is you would naturally assume the ethos of the school tended towards Oxbridge. Yes somes years would be more or less depending on career aspirations of students that year - nowadays some of the Oxbridge lot go to the US instead which lowers the numbers a bit.

Unless there's only one class per year, you would expect more than 3 Oxbridge from any selective indie worth paying for.

And I say it as the mother of a DD who is determined to go there

I really don't think it's that simple any more kundry.

You need to drill down a bit. See how many are going to other highly selective universities. What courses etc.

I thought OXbridge was slipping down league tables anyway and loosing shine, other places better?

you would expect more than 3 Oxbridge from any selective indie worth paying for

Maybe but it is the whole experience I suppose too.

I realise that the whole thread has moved a long way since the original question, but I want to add my thoughts.

Yes, OP, it would be mean to move your DD if the main reason for moving her is that her younger brother hasn't got a high enough bursary for the same school. Year 10 is in any case a bad time to move. I assume she is in Y9 now, and would move into Y10 at the state school. Some of the GCSE syllabus may have been covered in Y9 and she would have missed this. Keep her there if you can.

YANBU to want them to go to good schools or to like the school that your DD attends. YABU to think that it is impossible to combine working with good parenting.

Hope you find a solution.

Read the thread when it first began - surprised to see it's reached near capacity and some issues still unresolved. But very interesting discussion altogether! So definitely not read the bits in middle yet, which means my question may be covered already. BUT have you, OP, asked your son what he wants? Whether he wants to have other family expenditure reduced so he can attend posh school? or how he'd feel at local comp when big sis continues at posh place?

Another question. OP - around p35 of the thread - refers to her lack of 'cultural capital'. What on earth is 'cultural capital', and how can someone who is live in the world lack it?

YABU to think that it is impossible to combine working with good parenting.

I don't think this, I just know that me teaching full-time at this period of our lives isn't right for me/us.

Topaz, try this for the low down on CC.

He's another anecdote, this time something I am impressed by. I believe strongly that DC playing a musical instrument is a beneficial thing for them to do. To that end we have been offering the youngest DC piano lessons for the past 2 years, DH and DD both play. But nope, not interested. He went to a concert at DD's school the other evening and heard something that inspired him, he now wants to learn. I am grateful to 'the school' for that.

here's

Just for reference, DH's old independent selective school has 42 Oxbridge offers this year, aside from the numbers going to LSE for Economics, going to RADA instead etc etc - students will have been well advised on when Oxbridge is not the best choice for their subject.

3 is measly. Oxbridge is not the be all and end all but it is a surrogate marker of the academic status of an indie school. Unless the school is really really tiny, it's not as academic or superselective as made out.

Kundry
42 Offers, so around 85 applicants so around 160 in the year group
that is a BIG school.
My 6th form was only 40 in the cohort.
The total number of places at Oxbridge is physically not enough to get the sort of success that some presume.

Kundry, a %age (not sure how many) leave for 6th form to go to a superselective not that far away. They sent 30 to Oxbridge last year. fingers-crossed DD gets a place there when her time comes.

So, after a quick glance , cc is actually a sort of philosophical theory? philosophy of social theory.Of course you may lack knowledge of this yourself, but there are people in state schools - called teachers - who could cover this with DC. Some of it just comes from living and breathing amongst other humans. It's utter bollocks to think you have to spend money on school fees to get 'cultural capital'. 'Philosophy' at some level comes into daily life. Just having dinner together and discussing the news and why people do what they do. I am amazed that OP, who clearly sets store by a 'good' education, feels she lacks such skills. Many areas also have philosophy groups, classes, etc.

As for your more recent post, OP, your youngest child could have had musical inspiration at any concert - such as a professional orchestra (some are free or cheap), state school orchestra, local community event. I agree music is an important part of education but they do do music in state sector too. Some parents will choose to pay extra for private lessons. By all means spend money on fees, if you can afford it, but apart from privilege there isn't much you can't get in the state sector. Some of it is just a load of pretentious bollocks.

I know I am biased in thinking state education can work, esp. in a nurturing home environment. But looking at my own children (young adults) and many DC of friends - mostly in 20s now - I think many parents delude themselves in thinking an expensive education will 'pay dividends' in 20 years. Many post-state school youngsters I know are doing very well indeed. And they are very polite and lovely with excellent table manners too.

Still waiting to hear what choices the OP thinks this school will give her dd.......

Actually only about 120 per year in the 6th form.

In my school if you applied to Oxbridge, you expected an offer - success was much much higher than 1 in 2.

Something wrong in a school that can't keep students for 6th form - suggests it's not as enriching as it makes out.