to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

[middleschoolmuddle]

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

Bonsoir Do you mean in answer to the question 'what's educational project work?'

There are not loads of kids whose lives are soooo pampered that they have no interaction with anything ordinary.

My DC attend pretty expensive schools and some of their mates are well off, but they still do normal stuff; take tubes and buses, go to the footie, shop in Top Shop Oxford Street, eat in fast food joints.

And they sit exams and tests which they sometimes fail, they audition for parts they don't get, they play matches they don't win...

Yes.

It's easier for other people to understand your skills if you state it in terms of achievements.

I don't think there are "loads" of kids who lead very sheltered and pampered lives but there are definitely some and it is a temptation for some wealthy parents (particularly those who themselves like a lot of service) to provide that lifestyle for their DC.

Is this better Bonsoir? I co-authored a professional learning resource (28 X 2hr workshop sessions) that helped teachers in SSA to gain skills in ICT and to teach children (including the most vulnerable i.e. rural girls) in an interactive way that led to an improvement in school attendance, improved relations between teachers and students and renewed teachers' professional vigor. [disclaimer: the research on this is still being collated]

Ah now that is certainly something I saw when we lived abroad bonsoir.

As expats we were provided with every possible kind of domestic help, and it would be very easy to bring up DC who did not do basic things for themselves.

I've seen children in ex pat communities who barely pick up a sock! Domestic staff treated with little/no respect.

FWIW one of my old school friends is ultra rich - even by USA standards.
Her kids have never wanted for anything, ever.
She has staff to do the boring stuff like shopping and cooking and gardening and moving her car from one of her houses to another. She admits she lives in a bubble where she never interacts with other than the ultra rich and their staff.
BUT
The sort of education each of her kids need is different.
Both mind bogglingly expensive, but very different.
So they have gone to very different schools, will attend very different colleges and probably have very different life outcomes.

Its a lot more about supportive parents than anything else in the long run.

There are plenty of non-expat DC in London/Paris/Brussels/Geneva etc who live like that, TheWordFactory. Any rich city really.

But once you have to start paying proper money for your domestic help, people seem to get a bit less disrespectful.

A common complaint from people relocating to London on a non-expat package is how expensive slaves are!

Suddenly everyone becomes capable of doing basic things for themselves!

I don't think the last few posts will be doing much for the op's status anxiety.

vind

vind tbh there are so few families living like this. Really.

DS attends Westminster. Public school. Pretty expensive. Slap bang in the middle of London. And most of the lads don't live like this...

I won't pretend they're not wealthy. Most of them are. Some of them very. But not living some la-la existence. Many support Arsenal...so...vicissitudes are part and parcel .

middles

I'm wondering if it is my own lack of cultural capital that is holding me back.

Me too! (TBH, while I don't breath the rarified air of some MNers, I suspect most people would think I had enough cultural capital and to just buck up!)

Time for another rich kid anecdote?

So DD's friend said that DD could have her old iPhone when she gets a new one. When DD said this, I said 'You can't take something that expensive as a gift from someone DD'. She laughed and said "I think it's OK Mummy, she has an 11 million pound trust fund".

Anyone care to guess what my response to that was?

[Just to reiterate, none of this impresses me and there is some serious wealth in our local state school too.]

My response would be
yeah, but its going to be tied up in the HMRC offshore investigations for a long time to come.

When I was in my 20's I was shown a statement of what I would inherit upon a person's death. It was well into 7 figures.
Sadly medical bills swallowed the lot.
Do not count your chickens till they hatch.

Worry less about other people and more about yourself.

I'd be so embarrassed if one of my DC was offered discarded electronics as charity :(

Word and theforce

I know exactly what you mean about schooling. Dh and I are bog standard (me) and pretty dire (dh) comprehensive and Oxbridge.

On the one hand - what's the point of private schools - we didn't need them.

But on the other - why did we work so hard if not to give our kids things that we didn't have - and what matters more than education?

We can afford private schooling but the money isn't irrelevant to us and would it be better for a house deposit for each of the kids????

As it is I think the decision has been made for us as our local catchment secondary came an Impressive 10th out of 10 for our city.

Part of me is really annoyed that my children and my neighbours children can't access a decent state secondary education as that really should be a right.

But I have to confess that part of me is relieved that I can go private and not even feel guilty about it.

Ouch, that was a dose of reality Talkin.

I'm puzzled now. If you're not impressed by money, what are you impressed by?

Hak - choice!

options

opportunities

Sure, I can pass on a lot of what I know to my DC but then they'll only see it through my lens. And maybe an education at an independent school that oozes pride in itself and good taste in pretty much all it does won't offer them the best springboard to a 'richer' life (another corny metaphor) but I have to hope that it might.
If I've understood correctly, you want to broaden their horizons and hope that an independent school will do that better (or differently) than you plus a state school.
You are doing yourself a disservice and need to address your lack of confidence in your ability to 'grow' your children. You clearly involve them in discussions about education, money etc. that many parents wouldn't. Use this to your advantage and take on more responsibility for their life experiences and outlook. Don't leave it to a big old pricey school with a green and polo field (just guessing that last bit - my DH's school had one!).

OK. what choices does your dd have that my ds doesn't?

Hak, we are not at the 'reaping the rewards' stage yet, that will probably be in about 20 years time for DD.