Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

999 replies

middleschoolmuddle · 07/02/2015 23:23

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 07/02/2015 23:25

I'd leave her. Year 9 means she'll have a network of friends and everything.

ouryve · 07/02/2015 23:25

It would be rather silly, I think, particularly if you're acting out of a misplaced sense of treating them exactly the same. Why should she be uprooted because her brother didn't get in?

Chapuys · 07/02/2015 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lookingforsunshine · 07/02/2015 23:27

I'm not sure what the issue is here. Why can't they be at different schools?
Does your DS want to be at independent school?

There will be advantages and disadvantages to both options.

Is it just not practical having them in different schools?

Think it could be damaging to all to move your daughter out.

DeanKoontz · 07/02/2015 23:27

Is there a reason why they need to be at the same school?

antimatter · 07/02/2015 23:29

Y9 is when they have good friendship group on which she is going to rely during her GSCE's

At the age of 14 they have a lot going on in their life, don't move your DD!

meditrina · 07/02/2015 23:29

Would you be able to secure a place for her? No point in attempting to work out if you should, if you don't know whether you could. If offered a state place, you need to take it up more or less immediately. So you cannot apply now for September.

I think it would be unfair to her to move her. As she has a scholarship, could you see if they would top it up a but with a bursary for her as well?

LongDistanceLove · 07/02/2015 23:30

I think it would be cruel to move her, if she's happy there.

It's not your sons fault he didn't get a scholarship, and it certainly isn't your daughters fault. It also isn't your fault either. It's just one of those things that happen.

CocktailQueen · 07/02/2015 23:30

No - leave her. She has managed to get there So deserves to stay there.

Galvanized · 07/02/2015 23:31

Why would you do this? It smacks of valuing his education more! How messed up will that make her emotionally? YABU.

Karenthetoadwhisperer · 07/02/2015 23:31

I agree with both of the above. Your DD is also beginning to plan GCSE's. She has two tough years ahead. Uprooting her at this stage and potentially ruining her GCSE's for her, in my opinion, is hugely unfair on her.

This is not her fault.

Have you asked her, if she would like to move?

ZeldaMae · 07/02/2015 23:31

don't do it! Unfair.

saintlyjimjams · 07/02/2015 23:32

Gosh no.

I have mine in a mix of state & private schools. It's not an issue as we don't really see any difference in quality - they're in the schools that suit them.

PtolemysNeedle · 07/02/2015 23:32

If your dd won a scholarship and you aren't having to pay for her to go, then I cant see a problem with having them at different schools. I think it would be mean to move a year 9 for no other reason than her brother didn't do well enough in a test.

It would have been wrong for you to deny your son the opportunity to go to that school because you provided it for your dd, but providing the opportunity is as far as your duty goes on getting your ds into this school.

tiggytape · 07/02/2015 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 07/02/2015 23:33

Why would you move her? Confused

BestZebbie · 07/02/2015 23:38

Is there some problem with physically getting them both to different schools every day? Otherwise, no, definitely do not move your DD - why should she have the rewards of her achievement removed for the actions of her brother? Most demotivational thing ever.

Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 07/02/2015 23:38

Thanks for the comments. DS would love to go to her school and it would be a great fit for him. The school is not close and whilst DD loves it she does not love the commute or living far away from her friends.

Faced with having to send DS to a more local school (although still a commute away), we are tempted to move to the town where the state school that he will be going to is. DD would then have the option of walking to DS's school if we move her, vs a slightly longer commute than she already has.

They have been at different schools (20 miles apart) for the past 4 years so that in itself is not a problem.

OP posts:
Karenthetoadwhisperer · 07/02/2015 23:39

My DCs are going to different schools. DS is going to a top grammar and DD is going to go to our local comprehensive, because it will suit her more, for her own reasons. I offered her the opportunity to go to grammar, but it's not what she wants to do and I can see that. But it's not an issue. She has different interests than her brother and we all appreciate this. She is artistic and her brother is academic. No 'grading' involved.

Don't take your DD out of her school. Neither of your children is going to gain from this.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 07/02/2015 23:46

Can you apply for a bursary? It's not the same as a scholarship and it's based on parental income.

Snapespotions · 07/02/2015 23:46

Why would you make your dd's commute even longer by moving? Presumably your ds would have had to commute anyway.

I don't think independent schools are generally any better than good state schools tbh, but I think it would be deeply unfair and unnecessarily disruptive to move your dd at 14, just because her brother didn't get a scholarship.

If dd wants to move to a more local school, then fair enough, but otherwise I wouldn't risk it.

Snapespotions · 07/02/2015 23:47

Have you asked your dd if she would prefer to move and drop the commute?

Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 07/02/2015 23:48

Keeping DD at her school costs us 8.5K per year. That amount gets added on to our mortgage. She won't be staying at her school for 6th form so we only have to pay about 20K more in fees for her until the end of Y11. That 20K would pay for our house moving fees.

I hear what you are all saying about it being cruel to move DD but we most likely won't move house if she stays at her current school and she can see the benefit of moving to a town. Can you see why my head is spinning?

OP posts:
Original poster
middleschoolmuddle · 07/02/2015 23:52

LadySybil, we go offered a bursary worth 16%. We were hoping for at least 25% and even then things would have been tight (monthly mortgage payments increasing to 50% of take home monthly salary).

OP posts:
NancyJones · 07/02/2015 23:55

I wouldn't do it. His awful that her future is to be determined by how well her brother does.
Can't you move closer to her school and your DS go to a school near there?

Swipe left for the next trending thread