Good mother or total spoil sport?

[Mumtotherescueagain]

Dd is angry with me. She has hatched a plan to go to a well known fun park at the end of her study leave, with friends. This would be around a 2 -2 1/2 hour journey involving motorways. There would be 4-5 people in the car driven by a female driver who would have passed her test at the absolute most 3 months before.

I have absolutely refused to allow her to do this. She is 17. I have told her why which is because I don't think it's safe. I have told the reality of this situation, the first funeral I ever attended was a girl the year above me at school killed driving with friends in the car.

I feel wretched about this because dd is having a tough time atm and she is angry with what I've said but I can't help that. I don't think it's safe.

AIBU?

As it is, the OP's DD has already made other, more appropriate arrangements as a result, so a win/win.

Only because the other options were "defy mum" or "don't go". She didn't make other arrangements because she accepted or believed the point her mum was making; she and her friends have come up with a solution that gets round her mums demands.

It's highly unlikely that they have learnt anything about driving safety from this; what theyve learnt is not to share too much detail about their plans with the OP.

Hardly Peruvian. If she was of a mind to ignore her Mum, or had very little respect for her opinion, then I imagine she'd have gone. As it is, as the OP has already said she rarely says no - it sounds like the DD is very much like my teens in that they enjoy a large amount of freedom unless they want to do something which is really unsafe, and she has listened to what she (and many of us on here) think about driving in this way, and made alternative arrangements.

I completely disagree that they haven't learnt anything about driving safely - they've reflected and they've changed their plans. The DD sounds very much like she's got her head screwed on the right way.

I parent the same way as SirChenjin I think. There is very little I have ever said 'no' to. Dd has been given pretty much free choice without me sticking my oar in.

However, in the OP's position, I think I'd have said no and offered alternatives. It's all worked out well in the end, using common sense and compromise.

You couldn't be more wrong Peruvian. She has listened to what I said, what her other friend's parents said and they've made their own plan accordingly. I'm out at work all day. If she was desperate to defy me she could. But she does respect my opinions even when they make her angry initially.

In OP's position, i'd say we'll talk about it WHEN the supposed driver actually has passed that test and has the car. Maybe the whole thing won't happen at all