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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 05/02/2015 21:34

however, the child should not have been sent into school in the first place. children can go down hill suddenly... and vomit on their teacher's leg.

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 21:38

naty You still haven't said where the child should lie down. Most schools don't have a sick bay or quiet room these days - and who is supposed to neglect the work and the children they are paid to do to look after him?

unclerory · 05/02/2015 21:46

I love the fact that the parents (who both have responsible jobs that are not easy to leave with no notice) are being blamed but the emergency contacts are not, despite being contactable and available to pick him up. I'd pick up my friend's child if they were poorly, in all reality they have probably already been exposed to whatever caused his illness at school, at least at home I can put some strict cleaning regimes in place.

OP, for some of us emergency contacts are incredibly difficult to think of. DH and I have no family nearby (nearest grandparents are 3h away), and all my friends work. It takes me 30 minutes to get from work to school, but when I've been called home for sick children it usually takes me ~30-60 minutes to a) talk to the managers I work with to let them know I'm off and what they will need to keep an eye on and b) speak to the staff on each project I'm managing to make sure they know what needs to be done over the next 48h. And I don't have to deal with arsey bosses in emergency situations. DH currently works over an hour from school so even if he walks out of a meeting (which he has had to do more than once) he couldn't make your 30 minutes. He's about to move to a job closer (15 mins cycle away) but he's been looking for a suitable job for years before he got this one.

PenguinSalute · 05/02/2015 21:52

Mythical I don't think anyone is disputing that's an issue. It's shit schools don't have the facilities they used to, and clearly the best place for an ill child to be is at home with their parents. I think I just felt uncomfortable with the suggestion of some posters that it's simple enough to have someone there straight away, or that there is always the option for one parent to be at home/flexibly working.

Clearly, this wasn't an unavoidable situation as the boy shouldn't have been sent in today at all but it's complicated isn't it... With zero hour contracts, poor employee rights and people living month to month financially, people inevitably are feeling the pressure to put work and earning over other, more important things. I know I feel the pressure often, and DP and I are both in secure, reasonably well paid jobs.

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 05/02/2015 21:54

Parents are responsible, emergency contacts are not. If your child is sick at school and the emergency contacts are unavailable then one of the parents has to leave work and go and collect the child. There isn't any negotiation. The child's health comes first. Being stuck at work is no excuse for leaving a sick child at school. School is not free childcare for sick children.

DioneTheDiabolist · 05/02/2015 21:55

Sending a sick child to school is neglect. I understand the difficulties of getting time off work to look after a sick DC, but they knew he was sick. They had been asked to collect him the day before.

They could have got a sitter. They could have asked their emergency contacts. They didn't. They sent their son to school, knowing he was so sick that he was not fit to be there. I agree that they are treating the school as childcare.

IME, schools which have introduced a 30minute rule have had to do so because of cases like this. However, when it comes to it, as long as the parent can explain that they are 1.5hours away and are leaving immediately are treated fine.

pourmeanotherglass · 05/02/2015 21:59

I agree 30 minutes is really tight for most people to hand over their work to a colleague and get to school.

I'm only 20 mins cycle ride away (from DD2 primary and DD1 secondary), but may not be in the office when they call, and there are parts of my department with no mobile signal, so they may not be able to get hold of me straight away. Also, secondary school is half an hours walk from our house, so an ill child may not want to be picked up by someone on a bike and have to walk home.
DH is only 20-30 or so mins drive away, but again, isn't always in the office and doesn't always have his mobile on him.
I never know who to put down as a third contact when asked for one, but gave DDs secondary school my parents number. They are an hour drive away, have quite a few holidays in term time, and probably don't know the exact location of the school, but I haven't really got anyone else to ask.

I'd have thought 1.5 hours would be a realistic time to expect someone to get in. It would be nice if the sick bay had a bed, as this must be a fairly common situation. Our primary school has a room by the office with a bed. That way, the child doesn't need a member of staff with them while they wait, but the office staff are within earshot. I'm not sure about the secondary school.

I'm a healthcare worker, but my boss would always let me take time off for a sick child (luckily this has been quite rare, and DH and I have taken it in turns when needed).

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 05/02/2015 22:01

And yes, I agree that 30 mins is ridiculous as many parents work further than 30 mins travel time from school, however, sending a sick child to school and not collecting him for five hours after being called is even more ridiculous and is most certainly neglect.

Canshopwillshop · 05/02/2015 22:02

Inthedark - I agree entirely. I cannot understand the attitude that a parent cannot possibly leave work to get their sick child from school but expect the teachers/teaching assistants/office staff to leave their work and look after the child! Your child your responsibility.

Starlightbright1 · 05/02/2015 22:02

There are some very sad comments on this thread...How low down the list is this child...He felt so poorly yesterday he needed to go home , he parents weren't able to prioritise him and let him spend the day at home ..Yet no one was willing including parents and contacts to take him to lie on a sofa or bed with some calpol..instead he spent the day on the floor in school.

This poor boy

Patchworkpatty · 05/02/2015 22:04

It matters not one jot if you are a cardiac surgeon or a zero hours factory worker, when you are a parent the playing field is equal. You make a decision to have children, you have a responsibility to have effective emergency back up if your child is sick. a sick child should never be sent to school for parental convenience , it's neglectful. End of. I have worked ft since my youngest was 3 months. 3.children through nursery/primary. No family nearby. I made a contingency because it is not the schools responsibility its the parents. I found a child minder near the school who was willing to pick up and keep them warm and safe until one of us could get to her/him. There is absolutely no justification to hand ringing about not being able to leave. its simply the parents priority above ALL else.

Lalalalandlord · 05/02/2015 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMot · 05/02/2015 22:08

The issue isn't the emergency contacts and their speed of response (or lack of).

I have no family within 200 miles and rely on a nebulous list of contacts and friends if one of my four is ill and has to be collected. Sometimes it just fails.

For me the real problem is that fact that they sent an obviously ill child in to school with the expectation that they would be dealt with/managed/cared for until the end of the day.

A school is not a nursing facility and nor should it be.

Evelight · 05/02/2015 22:13

Chiming in again to say: we have swapped emergency contact with a colleague/friend. I am the emergency contact of her kids, she's ours. Neither of us has close family in our town.

I agree with the poster who said providing reliable emergency contacts is a basic parental responsibility. You can't just say "well we have no-one here, and I work 5 hours away, so deal with it, school, daycare, if something comes up". Reach out to people, ask for help, solutions. I know parents who have had their kids moved to the school in the area where they work, rather than where they live, precisely for this kind of thing. Yeah, life is hard, we need to make complicated decisions, consider trade-offs and consequences. And we have to make provisions for our children.

Oh, and the emergency contacts in this situation proved themselves shitty and unreliable. I hope the parents involved have had time to read this, recognize themselves, and change them immediately.

Permanentlyexhausted · 05/02/2015 22:14

I do wish posters wouldn't keep banging on about this child being "very ill", "very unwell", etc. He isn't. The child so far has shown signs of being a little bit poorly and under the weather. That isn't to say he doesn't have something more serious going on but not a single person on this thread has any evidence to suggest that is the case. Perhaps you could save your hand wringing for those children who really are seriously ill (i.e. those whose lives and long-term health are in danger).

OhYouBadBadKitten · 05/02/2015 22:16

There is the very practical side too. Today's poorly child may become tomorrow's several poorly children. Then where are school supposed to put them all?

DioneTheDiabolist · 05/02/2015 22:17

He was so poorly that the school wanted him collected the day before. He didn't get better overnight. He was too poorly to be brought to school today.

Stealthpolarbear · 05/02/2015 22:19

"Add message | Report | Message poster Stillwishihadabs Thu 05-Feb-15 21:21:10
I am a HCP and have been in jobs where: a) I couldn't leave and /or b) I was minimum 2 hours away. For that reason Dh and I make sure that there is ALWAYS some one who could get to school and pick up in an emergency. I consider it a parental responsibility. The only time used to be when I was travelling back from a night shift and dh had already left for work."

Exactly. All the people saying "but what are we supposed to do??" Are missing the point. You are the parents, this, along with a load of other stuff, is your responsibility to sort out.

naty1 · 05/02/2015 22:20

But patchwork how much did that cost ? As just in case cover?
Wonder if parents agree he was ill enough to need to go home. Or if he could have sat quietly at his desk. Maybe with paracetamol.

MrsMot · 05/02/2015 22:20

Permanently
If your own child were presenting as the OP describes - shivering, crying, wanting to just lie down - how would you treat them?

Permanentlyexhausted · 05/02/2015 22:24

That is not the point I was making MrsMot. As someone whose child almost lost their life through illness I find it offensive to see people exaggerating this child's current symptoms.

Permanentlyexhausted · 05/02/2015 22:28

FWIW I would make arrangements for my child to be off school.

All I'm asking is for posters to have a bit of perspective. This really isn't a "very ill" child.

pharoahinthebath · 05/02/2015 22:28

I still say it's neglect - a sick child shouldn't be left at school.

If you have the sort of jobs where you can't be contacted then you need to find someone to be an emergency contact - it's a no brainer. Doesn't need to be family - just someone you can trust who is available.

Starlightbright1 · 05/02/2015 22:30

I haven't see anyone say this child needed to be in hospital, was going to die but he does sound like he needed to be tucked up at home or a friends home if no other option..

I am guessing he was given calpol before school and he was still so unwell the school thought he needed to be at home.

MrsMot · 05/02/2015 22:33

Permanently I'm sorry to hear that. The OP however was clear about the state the child was in. If people extrapolate, well it happens - you could look at any number of threads to see similar. The basic premise remains the same - the child was too ill to be in school.

And FWIW I have a child with a lifelong serious condition which is highly medicated to the detriment of so many other parts of his life. Someone sends an ill child in to school, my child could well suffer.