To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

[Yesitismeagain]

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

This is just another example of schools being used as childcare instead of a learning provider.

I second what mindthegap said. Totally unprofessional to be discussing this on here. If a doctor was discussing a patient or a lawyer one of their cases there would be an outcry on here. This is no different. It's not as anonymous as people think.

D & V has a set rule; having a fever doesn't.

Unless you are lucky enough to have local relatives who don't work, few people could guarantee an emergency contact who would pick up a sick child, as most SAHPs or CMs have other children to consider. If an emergency nanny is required to collect, first school has to reach parents, then parents have to contact agency, then agency has to track down an available nanny, then that nanny needs to travel to the school. Some large employers have contracts with emergency CC providers - most don't.

It's difficult isn't it. It sounds awful for the boy and hard for the school. When my ds was younger and I was called by the nursery I used to drop everything and collect him.

But you just know that you're putting yourself on the list for sacking/redundancy. It's unlikely that you will be sacked for leaving work early once. But it is likely that it creates a perception of being ever-so-slightly unreliable. So if you then do some minor infraction, or fall out with the boss, or the company needs to make redundancies, you are first in line for the chop.

The change from 1 to 2 years for being able to bring an unfair dismissal claim won't have helped, neither will the introduction of fees for employment tribunals. There are rights, but they are difficult to enforce.

And losing your livelihood and possibly then your house etc is probably more serious for the child than having to hang around school on one occasion when they're feeling off-colour.

As for infecting other kids/staff - well he probably did that before he was even showing symptoms. But I accept that it is super-annoying.

And it's no good saying "the school must have more emergency contacts". People don't all have family close by, or friends they call on.

There are no easy answers.

Op, YANBU

I really don't understand why such selfish people even bother having children. When your child is ill it is your responsibility to look after them or arrange for someone else to care for them, no matter how important your job.

In the past I have had to drive to school , pick my child up , drive back to work and dump sick child in the cupboard/staffroom until my shift ended , I had to get a nurse from another ward to cover me while I did it . If infection control ever found out they would have my guts for garters . I had three other emergency contact numbers , two of them had rather selfishly decided to go on holiday and DH was 250 miles away .
I am a emergency contact for a couple of people as I work part-time , even if the child had D&V I would still go and collect the poor little thing

I accept that the 30 minute rule can be difficult to adhere to but I am quite surprised by the number of people on here (mums and dads) who say they could not possibly get to their child even a couple of hours later and are not contactable at all for long periods. I know people have to attend meetings etc but you can still leave your phone on silent and check it periodically. What if there was a true emergency? Maybe I worry too much ...

btw I know a mother who routinely sends her child to school ill.
That is because low school attendance was a major factor in having her older child removed from her care.

I remember years ago working as a nursery manager, we had an ill child. Neither parents responded to calls or voicemails. I left a message at the dad's work but the mum's work number was incorrect. After three hours I was getting desperate as the boy was really unwell. By chance a colleague remembered the mum had started work at her gym. We called them and they got hold of her. When she arrived instead of being worried about her son, she came to the office and said how DARE I embarrass her in front of her employers like that. I should have waited for her to answer her mobile when she'd finished work.

in some jobs you aren't allowed to have your phone on you at all, in some you really can't answer it for a long time. Its not simply a matter of not caring or wanting to be there, it might not be possible.
Parents have to work. Yes, children need lookig after when they are sick, ut I find they also need things like food and shoes and a roof over their heads, which means someone has to earn some money.
Most of us are just doing our best. I prefer to assume that the parents in this case are doing the same. Sometimes that goes wrong, but why not give the benefit of the doubt?

"why not give the benefit of the doubt?"
yes indeed, the vast majority of parents are just doing what they have to.
hang on though....
is this by chance the same OP who was breaking confidence by discussing a child at the school where she works as TA, describing parents as 'Jeremy Kyle types'?

Grocklebox - I am more than aware of the pressures to earn money! I would certainly have given them the benefit of the doubt on day 1 but day 2 is pushing it .

Abuse and extreme neglect?! There's nothing like a bit of hyperbole of a morning.

The abuse and extreme neglect comment was in reference to Crusoes son who she posted about in the post immediately prior to my comment. If you read her post you will realise that her son was subject to abuse and extreme neglect.

Maybe schools should have a list of people willing to be an emergency emergency contact. These would be volunteers with security cecks and parents could sign up for this person to be contacted if all else failed. The ideal would be a small room in school with a bed and a chair where someone could 'nanny' the child till someone came. I would volunteer and I bet other grannies would too.

It's awful. Poor little lad.

I'm tempted to flame the parents - but I am conscious that I have the great fortune to work in a job where my employers are super flexible and super sympathetic. I am also a British citizen and am an employee so am protected by employment law rights.

Perhaps these parents are illegal immigrants working for slave wages and if they don't turn up that's it? We don't know.

I am lucky in that one of either DH or I are based at home every day of the week and if that fails, my parents are down the road.

On the other hand, we did make the conscious choice to put our careers on the back burner, have little money and not work so much and relocate to be near my parents, so that this sort of scenario would not be an issue for us. So perhaps it is not just "luck"; we have actively considered how we can work and also be there for our kids.

We are lucky in that our jobs are quite well paid. On the other hand we worked hard to get qualified to do those jobs.

Can someone provide links to "emergency nannies" in the north east please.

smug much bumps?

thegreylady I think you are seriously over-estimating the number of people who would be prepared to drop everything to nurse someone elses sick child. Children who are sick enough to send home tend to be at the early infectious stage of an illness (as one would hope parents wouldn't generally knowngly send them in poorly), so high risk of infection to the carer, who would then go on to spread the illness to their own children/grandchildren.

It's a lovely idea but honestly, just no.

Or perhaps we;re just a bit too stupid to have responsible jobs and shouldn't be allowed to work unless it's for minimum wage so we can keep in our rightful place at the bottom of society's shit heap?

People on minimum wage are not the bottom of society or on the scrap heap. I think that is an awful comment to make given how many people are earning minimum wage doing very worthwhile jobs.

Unfortunately, my children sacrifice a huge amount for the sake of yours with me trying to do my job to the best of my abilities. Sometimes, I'll struggle to pick them up quickly because I'm dealing with your child.

Well that is entirely your choice. I wouldn't ever put other people's children before my own. Maybe you feel that you have to do that in order to prevent repercussions in your job, but ultimately you are making those sacrifices so that you can continue to earn a wage and provide for your own children, not so that the little darlings in your class don't miss a few hours of teaching or a rehearsal for the school play.

If the school pushes for attendance unlessa child has d&v, then this sort of thing will happen. Many parents are going to work on the principle that if their child can stand up, isn't puking or crapping, then they should be in school.

Presumably in infants they could just lie on some cushions in the corner if they were that bad and the school doesn't have a sick bay?

How do schools cope if a child has to go in an ambulance, if they don't have staff who can be freed to keep an eye on a poorly child? Saying parents should pay for a sitter is all very well but in my area there are no childminders with vacancies and I can't imagine one who did would want an unknown poorly child, even though I'd be happy to pay. The school or social services are more likely to have contacts for possible carers.

There's no mobile reception in most of the buildings I work in, and it would take a good 90 minutes to get to the school for me or MrNC. A bit longer for my parents. I have about 10 parents and dd's nursery as emergency contacts, but it's been the case that none have been contactable/able to help.

I guess the point is this is extremely rare, whereas children needing to be sent home with 'normal' sicknesses is very common.

And that's the problem isn't it Barbarian.

So many apparently perfect parents smugly saying they have made fail-safe arrangements in case their own child is ever sick but never once being prepared to help someone else's child out, preferring instead to leave the child in distress whilst tutting about the neglectful parents and polishing their own imaginary halos.

I think that is a lovely idea, greylady , and I'd happily do it if I wasn't at work, but I fear there is too much selfishness in this world for there to be many offers.