To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

[Yesitismeagain]

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

Maybe one of them thought they were on for a quiet day and could get away if needed, but there was an emergency or a colleague was sick.

If the flu is actually meningitis and the child becomes obviously sicker then the school send him to hospital to receive the appropriate treatment. They don't hang on to him waiting for parents, or at least I hope they wouldn't. I would expect a school to know the signs of meningococcal disease and act appropriately (and children can seem fine first thing and deteriorate remarkably quickly).

Our emergency contact list is me and DH. We have no family here, no close friends who could help in an emergency and no extra support. I have a job that I cannot leave in a hurry (anaesthetist). DH is a SAHD which solves the ill child issue for us but if he were not contactable for any reason then I definitely wouldn't be as I'm not allowed a cellphone in theatre.

Abuse and extreme neglect?! There's nothing like a bit of hyperbole of a morning.

Yonic - it seems unlikely that the child seemed ok enough to send to school when he had already been ill the previous day and by 9.30 he was crying, shivering and lying on the floor!

You need to think of a solution, what can you do if your child is ill at school tomorrow and you can't collect, who can you have as back up in emergencies for you? Do you have a number of friends you could try, or neighbours, or childcare workers who could do it if it's there day off? You might need to have quite a list of people you've asked a some could be able to do it on certain days and certain circumstances etc

Do you know other single parents or people who would also struggle to collect? If so, you could pool together and all be each other's emergency call outs for the times that you could do. Yes, it might be a logistical problem but, it really does need to be thought about and organised in advance

are you actually serious?

you think there is some kind of local network of single parents who all help each other out in times of need? Do you know any single parents? Do you know any single full time working parents? More to the point, why would it be another single parent who should help me out? What can't a non-single parent be supportive? All the single parents I know are working full time in responsible jobs and have exactly the same issues I do. None of us have the time to be out networking. Fuck's sake.

Do you think that as single parents we don't have a clue about our responsibilities towards our children? That we don't know we should have a list of emergency contacts as long as your arm only we don't 'cos we have fled domestic violence or are living in an area 300 miles away from family with a court order preventing us moving with the children? Or perhaps we;re just a bit too stupid to have responsible jobs and shouldn't be allowed to work unless it's for minimum wage so we can keep in our rightful place at the bottom of society's shit heap?

I have to work because I have to pay my bills and support my children. Before you have a go at me for sometimes making decisions which aren't in my children's best interests, remember that I'm a teacher and think about what you would say if I didn't turn up to your child's parent's evening or put on the Christmas show or all the other stuff I do out of hours. Unfortunately, my children sacrifice a huge amount for the sake of yours with me trying to do my job to the best of my abilities. Sometimes, I'll struggle to pick them up quickly because I'm dealing with your child.

I guess you don't mean to be so patronising but do think before you post.

If you are unable to take paternal leave from your job and you categorically cannot adequately care for you child when they're ill, maybe you should not have had children in the first place. Children should be more important.than a job, and yes I see it as neglect.

Do I think one of them should have stayed home in the first place? Yeah, probably, but I didn't see the boy the night before or in the morning (I'm assuming the parents dropped him at a CM or breakfast club well before 0900, given their jobs) . My point was more about illustrating the chain of events that could lead to a long time to pick up without anyone being neglectful.

DH and I work in a large city - when nursery called for illness, they might have had to leave a message for us both, then they'd probably wait half an hour or so before trying switchboards etc, by which time one of us had probably spotted the message and rung back, then we'd call each other to see who was best placed to leave early. Then depending on train timings, 60-90 mins back to nursery. So could easily be about 3 hours from their first attempt to reach us and we have the sort of jobs where "I need to leave now, I'll call X from the train to cancel our meeting this afternoon" would be all the wrapping up we have to do.

Before you have a go at me for sometimes making decisions which aren't in my children's best interests, remember that I'm a teacher and think about what you would say if I didn't turn up to your child's parent's evening or put on the Christmas show or all the other stuff I do out of hours.

Sorry, but other people's children are not more important than your own, I would never be annoyed at a teacher for putting their own kids first.

Sorry, but other people's children are not more important than your own, I would never be annoyed at a teacher for putting their own kids first.

You would think that would be common sense, but the number of times I've had parents complain because I won't hang around school until 6pm to have a meeting with them because they 'have a job, you know', as if the challenges of a working parent could never possibly occur to me.

Still waiting to hear why its just the mothers fault when the boy has two parents, OP?

midnite - and why should you have to explain, anyway? I can imagine the complaints to the school from parents when the Yr6 class is left watching a DVD under the supervision of the TA, or the Yr11s are told to study quietly.

It's all very well saying "well, if I knew that their child was ill, I wouldn't have complained" but why should the teacher have their privacy invaded in that way?

And If that's the expectation, then why only teachers? Should a hairdresser explain why they need to changed appointment time, a cafe explain that their regular staff member has had to pick up their vomiting child, or a local council explain why the rubbish collection is later than usual?

I'm a SAHM and even I would struggle with the 30min rule. Today, for example, I'm off to pick up some furniture and tomorrow I'm volunteering in a situation where I have to turn my phone off for 2 hours (although I would probably sneakily keep it stuffed down my bra on vibrate). I have been called once in 6.5years to collect DC, I honestly would have gone mad if I could have only travelled a guaranteed 30mins from home in all those years.

I am a teacher and my son was sick this week at school. I was told to collect him (15 mins away) in my 25 minute lunch and bring him back to school so I could teach the afternoon. With a vomiting child.

I will always leave work to pick up a sick child. But I work 45 minutes away from school. Not much I can do about that really. My job can only be done in one particular type of place, and I work at the nearest of the type to school. Shall I change career? Ime as long as the school have a timeframe they've been happy.

This isn't neglect, btw, poor decision on the part of the parent, but not neglect. Dd's school once called me because she was rosy cheeked from running around and could I pop in to make sure she wasn't poorly. I was at work. I told them to tell me if she indeed seemed poorly at any time, but I was not prepared to make a 10 mile journey as hee cheeks were flushed from running about at lunch. No doubt someone started a thread about me, too.

So conclusion of thread- child distressed and crying on a floor for five hours, fine.

Teacher posting anonymous totally unidentifiable generic situation - not fine

Mentioning the word mum and implying sexist stereotypes - oh really not fine

Schools thinking they are there to provide education rather than childcare and not having the funding for supplying nurses, beds and infirmary facilities for ill children unable to cope with the day or not pulling a TA away from programmes probably covering thirty plus kids in a day to sit with and try to keep one miserable, ill child not fit to be on site supervised - not fine

Implying all parents should have back up childcare plans to look after their children if they can't attend school as something that is inevitably going to happen sometimes - not fine

Schools discussing setting a potential time limit to protect children, but which does not fit every single parents personal convenience and situation - really not fine (again see distressed child in miserable situation for hours fine)

Implying child's needs should ever trump parents needs - not fine.

FFS

I wonder if all those defending the parents would feel the same if the sick child infected their child causing them to have to take time off work? This is what really pisses me off about parents sending sick children to school. That one sick child could infect many others causing multiple parents work/childcare issues. Until recently I was a self employed LP, if I didn't go to work I didn't make any money. Thankfully I now have an understanding employer/colleagues and have it written in my contract that I can take time off if my child is ill. I also have back up childcare if necessary.
Schools should not be expected to look after sick children.

I'm a teacher, have been a child protection officer for years and am on the SLT. No matter what a few posters have said, it is totally unprofessional for the OP to have posted this at all.

Aside from the fact that this is a very identifiable situation, especially given the extensive detail the OP has supplied, who's to say that looking at the OP's posting history wouldn't make them instantly identifiable to someone who knew them in RL?

At the centre of this is a poor child who deserves confidentiality and sensitivity, and a family who may well need some intervention/support. How exactly is it of any benefit for an education professional to discuss this on a public online forum? Did you go into school today OP and say to your CP officer, 'don't worry, it was neglect, Mumsnet said so - just in case you, the headteacher and the duty social worker you might be liaising with didn't know what to do'? Of course not, because you'd be hauled before a disciplinary panel for breaching your confidentiality agreement which should be part of your safeguarding policy. If you worked in my school and we found out you'd posted this, you'd be in deep shit.

It does sound like neglect, and discussing it in this way could jeopardise how the school deals with it. If you don't think the procedure is robust enough, go to your head, then your governors, then your LA.

Sorry for the rant, but I really hate it when a child protection issue is used as something to gossip about. Child protection cases are on a need to know basis for discussion, and the child should be at the absolute forefront of everyone's thinking. This is inappropriate and helps the child not one bit.

I think the 30 minute time frame is unrealistic. however, that boy should not have been in school the following day.

I am here with a energetic, bouncing, chatty 5 year old, who to all intents and purposes is absolutely fine, but he had D&V Wednesday and yesterday morning, so there is now way we won't respect the 48 hour rule. Any school has to consider the wider repercussions - DS had a close friend with leukaemia who is on chemo, so any virus is to be avoided if at all possible. Another of his friends has a Mum undergoing chemo. Now illness and infection is unavoidable, but deliberately sending in an ill (or infectious child) IS avoidable. DH & I are both juggling work today.