To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

[Yesitismeagain]

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

As Inthedark has just highlighted so beautifully! (My point about selfishness, that is)

Is it selfish to not put other people's children before my own? I didn't say that I wouldn't help somebody out, just that I wouldn't put other children before my own. Surely ones own children should be the priority. What kind of mother would I be if I left my own child ill in the care of somebody else in a place where they are unable to rest and be cared for properly in order to continue teaching somebody else's child or looking after somebody else's fit and healthy and well child.
I would help somebody out, but not if it compromises the health of my own children.

The thing is I have looked after loads of ill children over the years for friends, with everything from impetigo , colds , chickenpox , conjunctivitis , sickness bugs and one with concussion . As a family we have never caught whatever the child had after looking after them for a day . With the very odd exception if you follow basic hygiene principals you can usually avoid spreading or catching stuff .

Chicken pox and colds cannot be prevented by even the best hygeine control.
Further upthread I mentioned that one of my children had been in high dependency and intensive care more times than I can remember. There is good reason why I would not compromise my child's health for the sake of helping somebody else out and it isn't a selfish reason.

Well I'd just be eager to spend a few hours nursing someones child with a nasty dv bug then go home to infect my family. We could all have time off work/school to save someone else having to. Makes perfect sense

Chicken pox would be fine as we've all had it but there aren't many things you can only catch once.

Greylady, isn't that an old style school sick bay, but with zero hours, untrained staff instead of a nurse?

inthedark that is fine..IF you were my friend I wouldn't ask you to be an emergency contact. I would also expect you to say under what situation you would be prepared to be an emergency contact.

I have looked after a few children so mum can go to work, fetch some shopping. I have took PE kit in for a friends child when her other child was sick and oldest child forgot it.

I have no family, a LP and I have a list of people who would pick my child up should I not be able to and I know they would take great care of him... IF you are not in that situation I would ask myself what kind of a friend are you to them?

AS has been said many many times, school is not childcare. This child should clearly never gone to school and wonder whether he made it to school tomorrow.

You can get chickenpox more than once . Inthedark I wouldn't dream of expecting anyone else to follow my lead in offering to be an emergency contact for sick children , especially anyone in your situation.
I caught a D&V bug from work , nobody else in the family caught it . DS caught a really nasty D&V bug once , lasted for 5 days , again no-one else in the family caught it including myself who was covered in liquid poo at least once a day whilst he had it .
Perhaps we just have super strength immune systems ? Or maybe just lucky ?

Typed that with fingers crossed , probably jinxed myself and will come down with the flu now

" IF you are not in that situation I would ask myself what kind of a friend are you to them?"

That's pretty nasty.

If school closed with a broken boiler or similar, I have a couple of SAHM friends who could take my DCs until DH or I got back, or the CM would possibly take them.

If either were sick, the SAHMs have younger children, other parent friends also work and the CM would not take them.

Am I a bad friend then?
By the way, whilst you have some protection in employment law to leave work to collect your own sick child, there's none if you are collecting someone else's.

Starlight I have looked after children's friends so that friends can go the hairdressers, medical appointments, shopping etc. I have taken friends children home from school with me when friends have contacted me to say they are running late and can't make home time. I have taken children to school when friend has had car trouble (school several miles away).
I wouldn't be an emergency contact in case of illness due to my own child's health needs as it isn't a risk that I would take. I also wouldn't help out with other people's children if my own child was sick and needed collecting from school (obviously if I already had a child with me I would collect my own and ask the other child's parents to collect their child from me as soon as poss).
That is what I meant by not putting other people's children before my own, but obviously permanentlyexhausted thinks I highlight her idea of selfishness.

Also, my school keeps four contacts - two parents, two emergency. There's nowhere on the form to write "only a contact on Fridays, working rest of week" or "will collect if school shuts but not for illness"

Not sure if anyone has made this point but from this April, unpaid parental leave has been extended up to the age of 18. You can take up to 18 weeks in total of unpaid leave from birth up to the age of 18 so say 2 weeks per year for 9 years. You have to have worked with an employer for 1 year in order to apply.

see www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1637

If you work in a school then you should be aware of and able to navigate the safeguarding policies and procedures. thIs is not a question for a member of staff to post on mumsnet.

Baddz, that's pre planned leave, not emergency dependent leave.

well I am sure that is lovely if you are working in a professional job for a good employer like a university or government. bit shit for eg agency workers, people in the transport industry, sales, etc.

true tiggy, but I just meant that the better employers are more likely to comply with government legislation.

whether the worker is a cleaner, cook or top executive.

What is the law re emergency leave?
Does anyone know?
I guess it depends on the employer?

Kim...very good points.
I know I didn't get 2 jobs because I have school age dc.
They were pretty explicit about it tbh.

We're practically encouraged to use school as childcare, 'hard working families' and all that. Certain benefits are stopped when the youngest child reaches school age.

When there is talk of increasing nursery funding for 3 year olds, the politicians don't seem to suggest it to benefit the actual children, but to help out working parents.

I'm not saying these parents (not just mum ) aren't at fault, but I don't think it's as simple as saying that school shouldn't be childcare. It shouldn't, but the lines do seem a little blurry and I can understand why it would be difficult sometimes.