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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 06/02/2015 00:32

Yeah, and healthcare profs who are dismissive about their own child's illness, as well as the impact sending them into school might have on other kids, are exactly the sort of people who shouldn't be in the job.

I think 2 hours as an outside limit for picking up a sick child. That gives most people time to explain to their boss, pass anything urgent to someone else, and get back. Beyond that call social services and take it from there.

Lamourestbleu · 06/02/2015 00:35

TendonQueen I agree but my previous gp was this same way about her children. Unless they had d & v they Were going to school and they had a bloody nanny!!

MythicalKings · 06/02/2015 06:18

If you are taken ill at work then, no matter how important your job is, you have to go home.

If you have a sick child in school then, no matter how important your job is, you have to collect that child. Or arrange for him/her to be collected. Not leave the poor child in school feeling awful and infecting others.

Small rural schools don't have spare staff to supervise sick children. Larger schools shouldn't have to. It isn't our job.

It is difficult for many parents to provide emergency cover but they have to do it. Deregistering the DCs of persistent offenders seems to be a solution, as suggested up thread. That does not provide an immediate solution to a sick child lying on the floor waiting for a parent who doesn't come.

I've been that teacher trying to comfort an ill child whose parents refused to come. Meanwhile the rest of the class were given time-filling activities because I couldn't do the job I was paid to do. The selfishness of the parents impacts on the rest of the school.

If a TA is employed as a 1 to 1 she may be the only "available" person to look after an ill child, what happens to the child she's supposed to be supervising.

Your child, your responsibility, no matter how difficult that may be.

Stillwishihadabs · 06/02/2015 06:31

The only time ds was stuck at school sick was because the "bloody nanny" had her phone off Angry she didn't last long.

VivaLeBeaver · 06/02/2015 06:38

There are plenty of days I would be able to leave work in an emergency. School have my mobile number but on the form i said don't expect me to answer my phone and if I do don't expect me to be able to come.

They have DH's number as first contact but he's 90-120 mins away depending on traffic.

Often my mum might be able to collect but she might be away for the day, on holiday.

VivaLeBeaver · 06/02/2015 06:41

I have plenty of days where I can't even leave work when my shift finishes as the coordinator looks at me and says I can't go because she doesn't have another member of staff to take over from me! It can take a couple of hours to find someone so I can go home.

ocelot41 · 06/02/2015 06:44

There are companies who have emergency nannies who may be able to help you out if you have a very long commute home and no other help from DP, friends or family. It isn't nice at all to have a sick child being picked up by someone they don't know but better than leaving them crying with illness at school if you are totally stuck - hours away for instance.

I used one once to play with my DS when I had flu for a week (actual flu - crawling to the bathroom, delerious with fever) when my DP was away on business. Thankfully he never got it, but the nanny did tell me that that was one of the services they offered.

Stillwishihadabs · 06/02/2015 06:46

So Viva who would be collecting your dcs at 3:15 ? If you can't leave on time and dh is 90 mins away ?

Sunnysideup5883 · 06/02/2015 06:48

Viva I hope you have good childcare then because it would be unfair to staff/children - enforcing them to look after a sick child, with many potentially catching your DC's illness as a direct result

Sunnysideup5883 · 06/02/2015 06:50

Some emergency nanny agencies can have someone with you in half an hour

Crusoe · 06/02/2015 06:50

If you consider that neglect it is clear you really don't know what neglect is.

Newstartnewyear · 06/02/2015 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunnysideup5883 · 06/02/2015 07:01

Neglect is failing to provide for a child's basic needs.

I would consider myself selfish if I left a sick child at school - it is my duty to provide childcare in one form or another.

I would consider myself neglectful taking a sick child into school.

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 06/02/2015 07:09

Or if he could have sat quietly at his desk. Maybe with paracetamol.

He is a child and shouldn't have to sit quietly at his desk dosed up on paracetamol if he feels unwell and is shivering, he should be at home resting and recovering. His parents didn't consider their child's well being when they sent him to school unwell and they didn't consider the possibility of him making other children unwell either.
The parents were bloody selfish to send him to school and not have him collected for five hours after contact. 30 mins is unrealistic but 5 hours is out of order.

Stealthpolarbear · 06/02/2015 07:20

The 30 mins is a red herring. They mean prioritise coming out,. If you get there after 45 I doubt they'd say anything as long as you made the effort.
Those of you who literally can't leave work, what would you do if you were overcome with d and v? Strategically placed buckets and on with the heart surgery?

Baddz · 06/02/2015 07:22

I am loving the assumption that I sit at home with a coffee waiting for the phone to ring ??
Most days after school drop off I don't get home til after lunch/2pm
Some of us do voluntary work and care for other family members you know - we don't all sit at home watching homes under the hammer!!!

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 06/02/2015 07:22

As someone whose child almost lost their life through illness I find it offensive to see people exaggerating this child's current symptoms.

Are people exaggerating by saying that the child should be at home and tucked up as he was too ill to be at school?
I too have a child who has almost lost his life through illness on numerous occasions. I have lost count of the number of times he has been admitted to high dependency or intensive care. However, if my other usually got and healthy child was shivering, feeling dizzy, had a fever and needed to lie down I would consider him to be quite ill and it to be neglectful to send him to school dosed up on calpol.
It's just words that people use and I don't think anyone is suggesting that the child in the OP had a life threatening condition and needed to be in hospital.
When my child has been in high dependency / intensive care I wouldn't describe him as being very ill, I would describe him as being in a life threatening condition or a very serious condition. Describing somebody as ill makes me think they are just too unwell to carry out their normal duties.
Like I said, it's just words and doesn't alter the fact that the little boy was not well enough to be taken to school.

Baddz · 06/02/2015 07:23

Disclaimer: I did watch it yesterday ??

Crusoe · 06/02/2015 07:32

"Neglectful to send him to school dosed up on calpol"
That is not neglectful. I have a child who has survived the most apalling neglect, beaten, bones broken left to heal without any medical treatment, tortured, living in utter filth, no bed, shit all over the floor, syringes lying around, having to eat rotten food from a bin ... That's neglect, that's my sons background

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 06/02/2015 07:45

Because a child has had appalling treatment (both abuse and extreme neglect from what you describe) it doesn't mean that other more subtle things cannot be classed as neglectful. Failing to look after ones own child appropriately and keep them safe and healthy and comfortable when you are able to do so is neglectful. Not nearly as neglectful as what your son went through, but neglectful all the same.

YonicScrewdriver · 06/02/2015 07:47

The school phoned at 0930 and he was collected at 1400.

Did they get through to one parent immediately? Or did it take a while?

They also phoned the emergency contacts so presumably they either didn't get through immediately or the parents asked them to phone the contacts.

Time has ticked on a bit, maybe they have to try the emergency contacts a few times.

When they won't help, they ring the parents back. Again, maybe they have to try a few times before one of them can answer as they are with patients/on rounds/in theatre.

Finally they get hold of one. The parent is disappointed the emergency contacts won't help. He rings his wife, takes a while to reach her, they compare patient lists and decide who will go.

They both work 90 mins away and the mum has to finish up her next patient and arrange cover before leaving.

Do you see how it might have got to 2pm before she arrived, without anyone actually being a shit?

Sunnysideup5883 · 06/02/2015 07:48

And what if that flu is actually meningitis.

MythicalKings · 06/02/2015 07:50

They were shit to send him to school in the first place.

Sunnysideup5883 · 06/02/2015 07:50

Yonic but how do you explain the parents sending the child into school, unable to cope the next day

YonicScrewdriver · 06/02/2015 07:56

Maybe he seemed ok, or maybe they are evil shits.

We've all had to make those judgements, I've kept DS home with a tummy ache before now and then sent him in at 0930 as he was clearly fine.