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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my DB WBU to send me this email?

262 replies

dougierose · 31/01/2015 15:17

I quote:

"Dear XX

Thanks for the thank you card. Thanks also for the teapot and mugs.

I am however perplexed by the presents you gave [XX ( his son) XX]. Clothes for a five and a seven year old. Five, I could just about understand, as something to grow into in a couple of years, although we thought it a little peculiar, when paired with a card for a three year old. Seven, I'm sorry, makes no sense whatsoever. XX [his wife] and I found it quite upsetting.

I really don't want to have to experience a feeling of dread every time we get something from you, which is the case now. I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future.

I'm very pleased to hear that you have found a nice house that that [XX your son, ie my own son] is settling into the new school and [XX your daughter, ie my own DD] is thriving at her school. We wish you the best of times."

OP posts:
CrockedPot · 31/01/2015 20:56

your brother is a twat, basically. When my ds was about six months old, my dh's aunt bought him a coat which I could actually put on as it was 'a real bargain.'me and dh laughed our heads off (and I gave it to charity!) but we never found it 'upsetting' '. He is a drama queen and really, I can't blame him thinking it a bit strange but no need to make a fuss.
Maybe they are the sorts that can't bear the idea of pfb growing up?

netty7070 · 31/01/2015 21:01

Have you sent weird gifts in the past.

If not, he is being an arse: "experience a feeling of dread"?! FFS.

Original poster
dougierose · 31/01/2015 21:10

Hello - OP here.

netty re weird gifts

I don't think I have sent weird gifts, but then what seems OK to me is probably weird to them.

One thing I DID do, and I hold my hands up to this is...

When Nephew was about to turn 1, DB copied the whole of our side of the family into one email which basically said "we're having a party in 3 days time, we'd love it if you could join us and my wife's entire family who have already said they'll come" and then in bullet points was a gift list, price and where to buy the presents (none of which were under £50). You know wedding lists? This was a first birthday list.

So I did the only decent thing any self-respecting aunt would do and bought the child those musical dolphins you play with in the bath.

I think this must be the back story.

OP posts:
mrsminiverscharlady · 31/01/2015 21:11

MIL has a history of buying odd presents (I got a clothes horse for Xmas last year) and I do dread opening them sometimes (the clothes horse was a relief because I was expecting a ghastly picture that I'd have to display from the shape and size). I would never, ever in a million years say anything though.

If there are no mitigating circumstances then I would write your brother off as ungrateful twat.

Original poster
dougierose · 31/01/2015 21:17

gingerbreadmam For years, he has given us regifted presents (ie books he's already read himself) or items which you know have been reduced in price (again, random books and DVDs).

When my own DD was 3, he bought her a gift voucher for Kiva (a website where you lend money to farmers in Cambodia) - this gift arrived by email but we glossed over that with DD and she never twigged that there was nothing from Uncle for her to unwrap.

But now I'm being catty, so I'll shut up.

OP posts:
laughingmyarseoff · 31/01/2015 21:17

He's overreacting, dramatic much with his 'dread'.

In fairness to the annoyance though, he probably figured you can't really remember his kids age or just regifted unwanted clothes.

gingerbreadmam · 31/01/2015 21:17

oh yeah does sound a case of pfb. a list with nothing under 50? ridiculous.

i never care how much something costs as long as something like / will use and theres plenty of stuff anyone could think of for a 1 year old. not to mention sounds like your family were an after thought in that situation.

any chance his dp does his emails?

AmantesSuntAmentes · 31/01/2015 21:17

...and then in bullet points was a gift list, price and where to buy the presents (none of which were under £50). You know wedding lists? This was a first birthday list.

So, its your brother who has a historically bad gift etiquette, not you! I'd be glad to not have to buy for their ds again, tbh.

BarbarianMum · 31/01/2015 21:18

No of course not. Presume you don't buy up any old tat then present it to her for her birthday though?

Original poster
dougierose · 31/01/2015 21:19

PFB?? Don't know that one.

Hmmm, the email came from her email address but the tone is definitely my DB's.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 31/01/2015 21:20

The email makes much of the fact that SIL finds it so upsetting (for God knows what reason). Maybe your db's sense of dread relates to how her "upset" manifests itself, rather than the contents of the parcel...
Still doesn't warrant a pile of shite like that email, though.

zzzzz · 31/01/2015 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/01/2015 21:21

Pfb- precious first born - little emperor syndrome.
Sounds like your bro is a tosser.

zzzzz · 31/01/2015 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GColdtimer · 31/01/2015 21:22

How rude. My nieces and dds got so every odd presents from uncles and aunts this year included very oddly sized clothes. We just all had a bit of a laugh about it, swapped presents round where appropriate and wrote thank you letters saying how kind they were. It's what you do isn't it?

Regardless of whether people think your presents are a strange choice or not, your brother is a twat.

CaptainAnkles · 31/01/2015 21:22

I'd be so tempted to start buying the most inappropriate gifts you can find and send them. Cat toys, hair nets, penis shaped pasta, stuff like that.

Really OP, you've done nothing to deserve this, he has been incredibly rude and demanding too judging by the gift list.

Original poster
dougierose · 31/01/2015 21:23

Yup, older brother! Worshipped as a child, not like poor lil ol me.

OP posts:
Original poster
dougierose · 31/01/2015 21:25

I've always fantasised about sending someone some Vagisil as a present. I bottled out with Secret Santa but ...

OP posts:
DragonsDoHiccup · 31/01/2015 21:26

That will be it then. He's expecting wonder presents costing 50+ each time and you send normal (if slightly oddly sized) presents.

echt · 31/01/2015 21:31

He's a knob, and a tightarse at that. Pity about the kid, though. Does the DN have savings account? I'd put money in that for him, though it does look as if they're looking to save a bit of money by stopping the pressies.

What is really nasty about this is the DN will grow up thinking you don't care about him, so I'd mention the savings account and see what reaction you get.

TheEfficiencyMovement · 31/01/2015 21:37

The Kiva gift sounds unbelievable Confused

CanIhavesomeginnowplease · 31/01/2015 21:39

I'd send this....

AIBU to think my DB WBU to send me this email?
Mocheenee · 31/01/2015 21:40

Your brother is, as others have stated, an arse.
Initially I thought he may have had a point, but you have justified perfectly. My DD and DS receive all sorts of tat from my SIL. Poundshop plastic tat mainly. I would really prefer she didn't buy them anything at all. It ends up broken within hours and in the bin - it isn't the value of the gift that annoys me but the lack of effort. Her gifts smack of 'that'll do'.
But your brother = idiot.

bamboostalks · 31/01/2015 21:41

Well he sounds a wanker of the highest order so I'd consider myself well rid.

zzzzz · 31/01/2015 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.