AIBU to think my DB WBU to send me this email?

[dougierose]

I quote:

"Dear XX

Thanks for the thank you card. Thanks also for the teapot and mugs.

I am however perplexed by the presents you gave [XX ( his son) XX]. Clothes for a five and a seven year old. Five, I could just about understand, as something to grow into in a couple of years, although we thought it a little peculiar, when paired with a card for a three year old. Seven, I'm sorry, makes no sense whatsoever. XX [his wife] and I found it quite upsetting.

I really don't want to have to experience a feeling of dread every time we get something from you, which is the case now. I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future.

I'm very pleased to hear that you have found a nice house that that [XX your son, ie my own son] is settling into the new school and [XX your daughter, ie my own DD] is thriving at her school. We wish you the best of times."

Ok, so the clothes were too big. And there's a chance you may have sent gifts they didn't appreciate before.

But to respond so rudely to a gift is absolutely disgusting. And if my DB ever sent me anything like that, I'd be responding just as rudely telling him precisely what I thought. I'd probably end it with 'so off you fuck, cunty chops'. I'm frankly astounded that a family member could react so negatively to clothes that are too big for their children.

It's not like you've sent the child something hugely inappropriate like porn.

Odd all round - clothes far too big, but a shockingly rude email

BIL/SIL gave us age 8/9 clothes for DS3, who's just turned 4.5, for Christmas. He is bigger than average in that I buy him age 6 clothes but he's not that big!

I was a tiny bit that he wouldn't be able to wear them for ages and I don't have room to store clothes as we have no space (4 DC) but I would not dream of questioning them about it or mentioning that it 'upset' me.

I was just grateful that they had thought about my DCs enough to buy them anything so YANBU especially as you did that as sizing comes up small. I would explain that before telling him that you are happy to not give any further presents as he is so rude and ungrateful!

'sense of dread' WTAF! Is he normally such a drama queen?

Storing clothing for a couple of years...the stuff of nightmares

I think your brother is being a plonk

Don't like the gift or think it's inappropriate??? Fair enough

But that email is twattish...feelings of dread!! Very upset!!

Slightly odd sizing decision but absolutely bizarre email from your brother. He is worried about a "feeling of dread" every time he opens a present from you? You sent too-big clothing, not a turd in a box.

I had a daughter nearly 3 years ago and stuff was made/bought for up to about 2 years old. Never worn in the end.

I now have clothes for dd2 2 years too big for her. She will wear them eventually. Yesterday I found a stunning designer coat in the charity shop for £1. Looked brand new. I bought it, even though it's age 3-4.

I really don't see what you did wrong. Db is a twat.
please link him to this thread

What is weird is the formal tone of the email to his own sister.

Rude of your DB and the tone is strange. I'd stick to a £5-10 voucher from now on - if you can be bothered.

Reply asking him if that means that you should return the copy of "Edward Penis-hands" porn spoof that you bought for your nephew as an Easter present.

Or maybe just explain your reasoning - WITHOUT APOLOGISING - and say "I appreciate this might not have been immediately obvious when opening the gift, but at the same time clothes do not have a sell by date. I look forward to the day where you try and buy someone a thoughtful, practical gift and get it thrown back in your face".

Anyone who is ungrateful regarding a gift deserves not to be bought for. A gift is a gift and someone has spent their hard earned cash on your child. My DD is incredibly petite for her age. She is 4 and wears a size 2-3. She was gifted an outfit which was huge, age 4-5, and the person does see her regularly so knows she is tiny but I would never make comment. They went out of their way for my daughter and that is incredibly kind. Save your money for someone who appreciates it.

I would reply in the same formal tone saying:

The clothes were bought in larger sizes as my experience of those brands with my own family was that the fit is small and I would sooner buy a gift that a child will get use from than something too small. Had you mentioned this politely I would have been happy to explain my reasoning. However, in view of your rudeness, I would prefer not to send gifts in future and wish you good luck in instilling better manners in your children than you have shown on this occasion

Are you sure the email is actually from your brother, not some drunk mate he happens to have been having a winge to?

I think that email is fucking rude regardless of what you bought.

You get a gift you don't like, you think the giver and dispose of it quietly. End of.

I have a relative who always sends kids oddments of clothing in wanky sizes. Can't think of a clearer way of saying you don't give a toss about the child involved. I have never sent such an email but can certainly empathise with the sentiments. Maybe I should as it would be wonderful if she stopped.

When DS was born, literally new born, my grandmother bought him a pack of blue school shirts, age 9.

I dutifully kept them, of course the school he went to had white shirts, naturally

I think that's the oddest clothing discrepancy!

Rude email. I think I would have let them know why you'd picked the larger sizes but regardless, who the fuck sends an email like that?!

Rude Rude Rude.

YY to 'noted' even better put this in the subject line with nothing further!

SO rude! My DHs aunt sent my DD a hand knitted cardigan when DD was less than a year old....it FINALLY fits this year...she is now ten!

We saw how beautiful it was and stored it carefully...we win!

Is his child a bit overweight? perhaps he thought you were having a dig at that

I don't think it matters whether the clothes fit, or if the OP has bought 'weird' presents before. That email was incredibly rude and he should be ashamed of himself for sending it.

Our uncle's girlfriend gave me and my brother really odd gifts when we were young. One Christmas we got a tealight candle each, next year a toothbrush. She wasn't stingy or mean, just clueless about presents for kids and a bit... zany. But we thanked her politely... it's what you do.

Does the same apply to me not giving a toss about my dd barbarian?

Ok so the size was odd, especially if not explained. But he said thanks for the non clothes presents. So they can't have been too bad.

So why say don't exchange even cards ever again? Why not say no clothes? Or just cards? I don't understand!

Receive gift, show gratitude, the end.

Your brother comes across as an uptight, pompous arse and so rude! If they'd find sizes closer to their child's to be more helpful, they could have said so kindly, politely and with gratitude for the gift already received.

Dreading future gifts?! Some people just haven't lived.

I wouldn't thank anybody for clothes my ds would have to wait FOUR YEARS to grow into! Space is a premium in our flat, I can't be storing gifts for four years.
I wouldn't email but your stuff I'm afraid would go to charity.

as someone on the receiving end of this do you think he has done it just to make it easier on you all?

the wording of the email is a bit ott but i guess i do find it slightly upsetting when i spend time thinking and spending hard earned cash on family and get something random and thoughtless back as if they dont even care.

if i could do it without causing upset i would opt out exchanging gifts with them.