AIBU to think my DB WBU to send me this email?

[dougierose]

I quote:

"Dear XX

Thanks for the thank you card. Thanks also for the teapot and mugs.

I am however perplexed by the presents you gave [XX ( his son) XX]. Clothes for a five and a seven year old. Five, I could just about understand, as something to grow into in a couple of years, although we thought it a little peculiar, when paired with a card for a three year old. Seven, I'm sorry, makes no sense whatsoever. XX [his wife] and I found it quite upsetting.

I really don't want to have to experience a feeling of dread every time we get something from you, which is the case now. I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future.

I'm very pleased to hear that you have found a nice house that that [XX your son, ie my own son] is settling into the new school and [XX your daughter, ie my own DD] is thriving at her school. We wish you the best of times."

I don't think the OP is being truthful. Christmas was a month ago, I bet she remembers what she bought. I would assume the age 7 t shirt was an unwanted Christmas present.

Mmm, your BD is a pillock and rude but I think he, sort of, tried to be polite about it - he obviously failed miserably but at least he tried.

I'd send an email in return and try and clear the air a little. It depends what type of relationship you would like with them in the future - if there is no 'backstory' I might just chalk it up to experience and apologise. I understand your reasoning for sending the too large clothes but I can't see any point in explaining it too your brother as it will still seem odd.

Dear Brother,

Oh dear! I'm so sorry about the clothes for your son. Thinking about it I can see how the age 7 clothes were not a suitable gift. I've got into the habit of buying the kids a few sizes up and i didn't think it through properly when I was choosing xxx's gift. Im genuinely sorry I upset your wife.

I think you are right and that it's probably best if we don't exchange gifts or cards in the future.

...then put in some general polite chit chat.

Clearly the phrase "it's the thought that counts" has been lost on many people.

I would much prefer that people bought my DC clothes in a bigger size than they are currently in that will last a while or that they will grow into, than the correct size for their age that will only last a couple of months.

I think he was extremely rude and I would reply 'If you're going to be so utterly rude and ungrateful, I agree that we shouldn't exchange any further gifts. I'll spend my money on nicer people.'

OP here -

Right, I GENUINELY cannot remember what I got him for Christmas. Nephew's birthday and Christmas are very close together - now I'm questioning whether I did actually get him something... but I must have done. You're going to flame me for this, aren't you?

As I said earlier, we got the keys to the new house on 23 December and November was a huge rollercoaster with the sale of our house falling through / back on / off / on / off / where the F are my children going to be opening their presents on Xmas Day? kind of scenario. I bought presents then left them lying around; mostly were sent out just in time, apart from my aunt's which is still here but I've told her I forgot to bring it to the family get together and she was totally cool about it.

Previous presents to nephew have included Joules hat & scarf, dressing gown an books. I did pass on (told her it was a hand me down) Noah's Ark and SIL looked at me like I'd pissed on her head.

I've never received a thank you letter / email before from them so have had no idea whether these gifts have been appreciated or not.

I forwarded this email to my Dad (parents separated when I was 3) who said that DB had sent him a similar letter 40 years ago when DB was 10.

You can imagine it now:

"Dear estranged father

Your presents to me aren't good enough. Do not contact me again."

I'm logging off again. DS has a tummy bug and we're running out of clothes.

And NO the age 7 t shirt WASN'T a regift.

My dad sent DS a T shirt this xmas aged 5. As I said, he is 7. He uses it as a vest and v nice it is too. I thanked Dad for the T shirt and we're both happy.

That was so rude of your brother! And really, his son and wife got upset over clothes in a bigger size? Get a grip people!

Dd(2) is tiny and only in 18-24m clothes. Her great aunt bought her a dress and cardi in age 5 which I was a bit miffed about because it's a really pretty dress and I want her to wear it now!! But I popped it in the wardrobe for a few years time and emailed to say thank you so much, how thoughtful etc.
As most people would do...

I don't much like clothes as a gift..!

That email sounds good, efficiency

I can't believe some of you think her db was reasonable and that clothes for a 3 year old aren't exciting enough!

It's a gift, in a small brand, the op was being thoughtful, and since when did all gifts have to be amazing toys!!

Nothing wrong with putting things up either.

The main point is... It's a gift. A thank you would have sufficed

I do think you should explain your thought process to your db though

I think that is an extremely rude e-mail and I totally understand why you are hurt and upset. I wonder if it might have been better to accompany the gifts with a little note explaining why you chose the sizes you did. I often buy my son tops from a brand called Funky Monkey, they come up very small, he is 3, nearly 4, but I will always go for 5-6 so I don't think buying larger sizes is an issue at all. Except for them it seems. If it makes the OP feel better, my former MIL bought my then 2 year old DD a size 14 jumper from Primark, stating "she will grow into it". She's 16 and still hasn't "grown into it". It still makes me chuckle.

Like others, I think the DB has assumed that the gifts are re-gifts, or bought without any thought. I wouldnt buy clothes (other than perhaps a scarf) for anyone as a gift and certainly not for a child - where's the fun in that when you're three? . There's no way it's appropriate to buy a gift for a small child which they potentially can't use for FOUR years - utterly thoughtless IMO.

However, I believe that the only possible response to any gift is "thank you very much " so DB is BU to write the email, even though I bet you've got form for this and they're fed up. I have the same problem with my SiL - I'm a size 8, always have been and she's known me for 25 years. Every Xmas I receive an item of clothing in a size 12. Every year. I haven't grown into any if them yet . I simply do an internal shrug and thank her. I can't say I feel dread .

Can't understand why anyone would be upset by that.

I'd be more upset if my db sent me such a formal email.

I'm going to go with 'rude'. My Sister doesn't always get it right because both money and time are tight. However I would never in a million years be anything other than grateful and will continue to buy presents for her and her family regardless of what I receive i return.

Do you still have the receipt?

one of my friends sent my dd a jumper about three sizes too big; I hung it in the wardrobe till she fitted it. Then it was one less thing to buy as she grew.

I think that email was rude, even if you hadn't put any thought into a gift, you still gave one. Is there more to this op?

Good grief. What a twat.

ok, they weren't great gifts I suppose but you actually put thought into them and made a decision that you felt was a good one. They are perfectly good items and will get used. Eventually. fwiw, I think it was a mistake and it's really better to buy children gifts they can use now. Children don't want something they can put away for a year or will grow into. They want something they get to use or play with right away.

That said, it's not like you wrapped up a turd and posted it! How bloody rude to send such an email.

Not to mention pompous.

tbh, I think the best response would be simply to email back

noted

and nothing more.

PMSL at 'noted'. Love it!

Quietlysuggests
i agree. I was a bit hmm too.

some posts remind me my grandma. Whenever an uncle, cousin Godfather
said simething rude my grandma would say: ' hmm his wife is behind this'.

I'd probably send a totally blunt email back. actually I wouldn't but I'd have fun writing some and probably just deleting them.

'Thanks for your email. Sorry, I probably should have explained the chosen ages on the garments! As I've bought xx clothes brand before, I know they come up very small. Hence buying an age 5 - this would, by my experience, be the right size for DN. The second garment is also from a manufacturer that comes up small, so I would have chosen a 4-5. However, this size wasn't available. I particularly liked the design so got the size larger, thinking it would be nice for next year. Apologies that I didn't explain along with the parcel!

I hope DN likes the clothes - it seems that it's lucky that one will now come for next year, as (as requested) they'll be the last presents we send! Your email was astounding - I've never read anything so utterly rude and brattish in my life. It's hard to credit how few manners the two of you have between you. You should both be ashamed of yourselves, and of the wedge your horrid behaviour will doubtless drive between your DS and his family. I hope a mouse gets into your bedroom tonight and poos all over both your heads and in your ears and up your nose.

Anyway, hope all is well with all three of you,

Best wishes,

Dougie.'

Did you explain when giving the gift, either in a note, the card or in person, about the sizing and why you bought such huge clothes for their DS?

If you didn't explain it I'm not surprised they were confused.
My DS is 8 and if someone bought him clothes in age 10 and 12 i would think that they either had forgotten my DS's age or were trying to insinuate that he was looking a little chunky and may not fit his own age size.

What a rude and pompous email. In my family we're grateful if any of us get round to actually sending things that arrive on time (we all have young kids) it would never cross my mind to judge a present from anyone. It's given in kindness.

This reminds me of when I got an age 3-4 dress fir dd when she was 3-4 months old, it sat in the wardrobe in all its glory for 4 Years only for me to realise she had grown out of it since last summer when it was too big still

I was heartbroken it was gorgeous designer dress that I could never have afforded at the time

Op your db is a Pratt

We once bought an age 12 dress for a (slightly overweight but parents in denial) 8 year old.

Well the parents rang us to say we could have the dress back as there no way that their DD would fit into an aged 12 dress. Apparently it was far too small and we should have realised that obviously as this particular brand comes up small, she'd have needed an even bigger size!!

I was shocked as I was anticipating a call moaning about getting the dress 4 sizes too big, not too small !

The point of my story is- some people are odd.

They both sound a bit weird, in all honesty. Finding it "upsetting" is very strange, they need to get out more.

Why couldn't he have just asked you why you bought bigger sizes rather than being so bloody rude about it?

Pick up phone "er sis, just wondered why you bought x age clothes for DN?".

You - "ah they cut small for that brand and thought a bit of growing room was better than it being too small"

Bro - "oh I see, fair enough just wondered. Thanks for clothes, they're really nice".

I'd be beyond annoyed if a family member emailed me something like that.

But even if it wasn't the right size, its still poor manners to complain about a gift! Its a gift, not a service.