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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my DB WBU to send me this email?

262 replies

dougierose · 31/01/2015 15:17

I quote:

"Dear XX

Thanks for the thank you card. Thanks also for the teapot and mugs.

I am however perplexed by the presents you gave [XX ( his son) XX]. Clothes for a five and a seven year old. Five, I could just about understand, as something to grow into in a couple of years, although we thought it a little peculiar, when paired with a card for a three year old. Seven, I'm sorry, makes no sense whatsoever. XX [his wife] and I found it quite upsetting.

I really don't want to have to experience a feeling of dread every time we get something from you, which is the case now. I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future.

I'm very pleased to hear that you have found a nice house that that [XX your son, ie my own son] is settling into the new school and [XX your daughter, ie my own DD] is thriving at her school. We wish you the best of times."

OP posts:
zzzzz · 31/01/2015 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsC1969HJ · 31/01/2015 21:44

I wish MN had a "like" button for posts....

Apricota · 31/01/2015 21:44

YABU he is correct. FFS our 10 year just got given books for a 5 yeR old for his birthday. Vsn he knew this was crazy.
What were you really tryi to do?

MooMaid · 31/01/2015 21:46

I'm sorry but regardless of size/age etc he sounds fucking ungrateful. Bullet dodged, you don't have to waste money on them in the future

MrsC1969HJ · 31/01/2015 21:46

Apricota...you seriously think that was an acceptable e-mail for a brother to send his sister...under any circumstances? Just bloody rude if you ask me.

Floggingmolly · 31/01/2015 21:47

I hope you sent a similar email, Apricota. These people have to be told how crazy they are... Hmm you loon

CupidStuntSurvivor · 31/01/2015 21:48

To be honest, it sounds like they're just twatty about gifts. A registry for a one year old? With nothing under £50? Sod bath dolphins, I'd have bought a xylophone. And his own gift for your DD, though supposedly well intentioned, is the kind of thing you buy for someone who you barely know and who has everything.

The fact that he's saying not to even exchange cards is just hostile.

Do you see your brother often??

CupidStuntSurvivor · 31/01/2015 21:53

When I was 9, my step grandmother gifted me a dictionary that clearly stated '4-6 year old's dictionary' on the front. Yes, I did wonder why on earth she bought it for me (I was reading novels by this age so it really struck me as a 'that'll do' gift).

Even at 9, I knew not to say anything other than thank you.

GColdtimer · 31/01/2015 22:09

Apricota you seriously think the brothers email was reasonable?

Shock
hairylittlegoblin · 31/01/2015 22:21

You need to keep sending presents. Moon sand is good. Musical toys which cannot be turned off. And glitter. 3 year olds love glitter.

He'll look back on t-shirtgate with fondness and longing.

DuelingFanjo · 31/01/2015 22:24

Late to this but it's a bit weird to send a 7 year old item of clothing to a three year old. My son is four and still in some 2-3 year old stuff. Just because your son is rather large doesn't mean all children will be.

I will read the rest of the thread but it feels like there's some existing issue you're not mentioning because despite the strangeness it would never ever occur to me to write a letter to someone complaining about a present.

slithytove · 31/01/2015 22:35

No barbarian but I don't think op has either. On the contrary it seems the opposite.

TendonQueen · 31/01/2015 22:40

What a cock he is. I also vote for the 'noted' response. Anyone sending an email like that wants a reaction so he'll get his hopes up and then be disappointed!

zzzzz · 31/01/2015 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kerrypn · 31/01/2015 23:29

YANBU BUT I can see both sides here (if there is a back story...)

For example I have a friend whose MIL once sent a jar of mayonnaise as a gift (like a huge Costco sized one) and the year after a tin of radioactive yellow paint. On the flip side I have a dear dear relative who is one of the nicest people you could ever meet, without fail every year she sends us a gift (and they are shockingly bad but have become part of Christmas-we get really excited to see what it is!) but I wouldn't ever dream of saying anything because its so so sweet she sends anything! My MIL ALWAYS buys clothes too big for our dcs, we don't take offence we all have a good laugh about it and remind her in about three years when they are actually wearing it!

cozietoesie · 31/01/2015 23:57

I think that that child is going to need you at some point. Can you imagine what the relationship between his parents and the school is going to be like?

CallMeExhausted · 01/02/2015 00:08

My opinion - email odd and you have saved yourself a few quid in buying gifts in the future.

The sizes were a bit off - and I am not sure I agree with your opinion on sizing. It isn't that simple - for example, my DD is 9 and still wears a size 6. However, she is a peanut, and while she is in Y4, is smaller than the majority of the Y2s.

Erring on the large side is one thing, but essentially 4 sizes too big is a bit of a stretch - especially if you didn't send an accompanying note or ring them.

However, I still think your "D"B is out of his tree to react as he did.

Greenoes · 01/02/2015 00:17

I was once laughed at by exH's family for buying age 10 trousers for our nephew on his 10th birthday, because apparently everyone knew he was only in age 7 clothes!! Confused
This was 6 years ago and those trousers are now a popular choice of my DS - who is precisely 10 years old. I never did replace them!

My friend once bought age 4 pj's for my DSS who was 12 at the time. I thanked her for her kind gift, no fuss made and just assumed she'd been having a bad day Grin

stayanotherday · 01/02/2015 00:23

He is rude and ungrateful. If the clothes were a bit big they could have been saved for later.

My friend of 30 years complained the presents I bought her and her family weren't suitable and not used. I gave her a last chance this year and if the same thing happened I wasn't going to buy anymore. I was hurt and became distant. She didn't say anything. I've become a bit distant now. It's a shame but I'm not taking nonsense from people anymore.

Hope you don't either.

MrsSchadenfreude · 01/02/2015 00:32

Send him a tin drum and a toy trumpet next year.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 01/02/2015 00:35

I'd not send them another thing. Ever.

I bet he's a right bore as well isn't he? Just cut him out. What a pompous arse! That email is breathtakingly rude and the previous behaviour with the guest lists is just bizarre.

Well done you for the musical dolphins Grin

nooka · 01/02/2015 00:38

Well that was a massive drip feed! Given that he has a history of being weird about presents then I think stopping sending them is a good idea. The DB sounds difficult to say the least.

On the face of it though giving a just turned three year old a clothing item for a seven year old is really quite bizarre. I'm going to assume that the OP hasn't seen her DB and family for a long time and so has little idea as to the size of her nephew, as she's not mentioned him being a big chap.

I give my nephews/nieces clothes sometimes (and my children get clothes from family too) but I ask what sizes fit first. My dd is very tall and when young always needed clothes two sizes up. ds on the other hand is very slight and for things like t-shirts wore sizes one down. My family know that because we talk to each other. I'd be a bit pissed off to be given a basically unusable present.

rinabean · 01/02/2015 01:00

YABU and upsetting to not give him £50 whenever he asks for it OP :( No wonder he feels dread :(

Thumbwitch · 01/02/2015 01:22

Your brother is. for example, a twat.

Clearly they don't want any present that has a hint of secondhandedness, and it's possible that the wife considers a t-shirt bought now for her PFB (precious first born) to wear in a year or so's time would be out of fashion by then and therefore completely useless.

However you look at it though, they are a pair of ungrateful, graceless twats and you should consider yourself well out of it. Honestly you should. Sad for your nephew, but no doubt he'll absorb their attitudes as he gets bigger and turn out like Dudley...

laughingmyarseoff · 01/02/2015 11:18

With you update OP, I even more think your Dbro is a drama queen. I wouldn't even attempt a justification, I'd just copy the part where he says no gifts (I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future) and email back: That would be my preference too.

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