Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my DB WBU to send me this email?

262 replies

dougierose · 31/01/2015 15:17

I quote:

"Dear XX

Thanks for the thank you card. Thanks also for the teapot and mugs.

I am however perplexed by the presents you gave [XX ( his son) XX]. Clothes for a five and a seven year old. Five, I could just about understand, as something to grow into in a couple of years, although we thought it a little peculiar, when paired with a card for a three year old. Seven, I'm sorry, makes no sense whatsoever. XX [his wife] and I found it quite upsetting.

I really don't want to have to experience a feeling of dread every time we get something from you, which is the case now. I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future.

I'm very pleased to hear that you have found a nice house that that [XX your son, ie my own son] is settling into the new school and [XX your daughter, ie my own DD] is thriving at her school. We wish you the best of times."

OP posts:
QuintlessShadows · 31/01/2015 16:58

What were you thinking?

It would look as if you pawned on your brothers child clothes you had laying around, or were re-gifting some clothes your own children had been given.

I was pretty miffed when my son (aged 4) was given girls trousers age 6 for his birthday by a mum in school - she clearly just gave my son a gift her own daugther did not want.

I was equally exasperated to get size 8 for my 4 year old, as it meant it would be laying around for years, before he could get any use of it.

Why bother.

Good on your brother for saying something!

ahbollocks · 31/01/2015 16:59

Im perhaps wrongly assuming that you got them in the sales, hencs rhe odd sizing (my mil does this ;) )
Your brothers email is out of order though, but I would respect his wishes or if you really would like to keep buying dn gifts then ask for a list or buy vouchers.
Btw im sure you are very lovely but some people are just not that great at buying gifts. It doesn't make you an awful person

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 31/01/2015 17:03

QuintlessShadows Good on your brother for saying something!

Seriously? Hmm he was breathtakingly rude and over dramatic to say the least.

Are you the Wife?

QuintlessShadows · 31/01/2015 17:05

No. But why bother buying presents at all if they are so thoughtless and inappropriate.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/01/2015 17:05

What about the teapot? That didn't perplex him then?

Don't tell us that he only ever drinks coffee?!!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/01/2015 17:06

If I were him, I would have added, 'And as for the fucking thank you card, what am I meant to do with that, eh.'

magpieginglebells · 31/01/2015 17:07

The teapot wasn't the child's Christmas present was it?

NotYouNaanBread · 31/01/2015 17:07

Honestly, if they'd been clothes for 11 - 12 his email would still be astonishingly rude.

"I really don't want to have to experience a feeling of dread every time we get something from you, which is the case now. I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future."

HOLY GOD. Seriously - this is one of those "is he on glue?" moments. Or he's a spineless idiot and has a super-controlling wife who dictated this crap to him.

"very upsetting"?

When people send you weird or unwanted gifts you just smile and say THANK YOU. That is what polite, normal people do.

Then because he's your brother and is presumably on some level of intimacy and informality with you, maybe say next year "Oh - little Timmy hasn't grown into last year's presents yet, poor lamb, but he's definitely coming up on a size 4 in Zara Kids at the moment."

MrsCakesPrecognition · 31/01/2015 17:09

Quint - fair enough saying "Thank you very much for the gifts, we'll appreciate using them once DS grows into them. I realise that it can be tricky buying the right sizes for other people's children, so in future it might help you to know that DS fits [M&S age 4, H&M height 100cm or whatever]. Take care of yourselves. Love DB"

Not - "Your gifts are so weird that they gave me a sense of dread and now we must cut contact in case we are ever faced with another oversize garment. May you never darken my door again, love DB".

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/01/2015 17:09

The teapot, a bottle of whiskey, and a packet of rizlas. What's wrong with that?

Littleturkish · 31/01/2015 17:10

There must be some kind of other issue going on with this child's size??

EmmaJacksonHarley · 31/01/2015 17:10

YANBU he is a rude twat

QuintlessShadows · 31/01/2015 17:11

True MrsCakes. Brother was rude and he could have worded it differently. but I guess he thought OPs gifts were rude?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/01/2015 17:12

That's true, turkish, they might have read it as 'She thinks our kid is really humongous'.

QuintlessShadows · 31/01/2015 17:13

"She thinks our kid is really humongous" That too.

I was hurt when my MIL bought me a gift of size 20 underpants. I was size 14 at the time.

GokTwo · 31/01/2015 17:20

Op has described several times how the t shirts were bought larger because the brand is known to come up small. What's the point in giving t shirts the child may only just fit for a few months. I'd have loved to have received clothes to put away for later, yes the aged 7 one was pushing it a bit but there is absolutely no excuse for that ungracious response. Anyone who responds like that to a gift doesn't deserve one.

GokTwo · 31/01/2015 17:23

Ofgs! Who on earth would think "they think my child is humungous"?

seaoflove · 31/01/2015 17:25

Yes, the email is very terse, but I have a 3 year old, and if someone had given her clothes aged 5 and 7 I'd think you were barking mad.

And yes, it does smack of utter thoughtlessness, like the gift giver didn't give the present a moment's thought. If the OP has form for inappropriate gifts, then I can see why the brother is so pissed off.

MateySkatey · 31/01/2015 17:26

The email was rude yes. I can kind of see his point though, BIL sends clothes at least 3-4 years to big for the DC and it's pointless as they then get put away and forgotten about.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 31/01/2015 17:27

Oh please, all the drama. Just nuts.

My SIL bought ds1 some pyjamas that were literally 4 sizes too big for him a few years ago. Did I make an issue? Of course not. I thanked her, and tucked them aside for when he was ready to grow into them. Seriously, it's not that big a deal. I just assumed she got them too big in error and didn't want to embarrass her by pointing it out. (And I didn't even LIKE her! and STILL she was given the benefit of the doubt!)

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/01/2015 17:28

People who are given seven year old clothes for a three year old.

It is a bit odd. However the email's oddness far outshines the oddness of the presents.

Catmint · 31/01/2015 17:28

Yanbu.

I've been given things for DD that are far too old for her, to put away for when she has grown into them. It's obvious to me that the givers have seen something they think she will get lots of use out of, and like. They may have bought it in the sale meaning that DD has access to items of a quality she otherwise wouldn't.

Gruntfuttock · 31/01/2015 17:29

The vast majority of the replies are on the side of the OP, but it's clear from the email that the child had only just turned 3 ("paired with a card for a three year old.") so, how would you feel if your sister sent clothes for a 7 year old when your child had just turned 3? The OP's child is 7 but is now too big for clothes for 7 yr olds ("wears 9/10") so the only logical explanation (as far as the brother and his wife are concerned) is that she must have either sent the nephew unwanted clothes that had been given to her son or simply grabbed something that was on sale regardless of its unsuitability.
I can certainly understand the bafflement expressed in the email as well as the hurt feelings that the OP hadn't taken any care when choosing the gift.
It really is a very strange thing for the OP to have done and I'm surprised how few people can see that.

Gruntfuttock · 31/01/2015 17:31

Cross-posted with seaoflove.

seaoflove · 31/01/2015 17:31

As we all know, no one gets a three year old an aged 3 T shirt as sizes are aged 2-3 anyway

Um, you're wrong OP. If an item of clothing is marked 3 years it means it's for a 3 year old, AKA age 3-4.

Swipe left for the next trending thread