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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my DB WBU to send me this email?

262 replies

dougierose · 31/01/2015 15:17

I quote:

"Dear XX

Thanks for the thank you card. Thanks also for the teapot and mugs.

I am however perplexed by the presents you gave [XX ( his son) XX]. Clothes for a five and a seven year old. Five, I could just about understand, as something to grow into in a couple of years, although we thought it a little peculiar, when paired with a card for a three year old. Seven, I'm sorry, makes no sense whatsoever. XX [his wife] and I found it quite upsetting.

I really don't want to have to experience a feeling of dread every time we get something from you, which is the case now. I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future.

I'm very pleased to hear that you have found a nice house that that [XX your son, ie my own son] is settling into the new school and [XX your daughter, ie my own DD] is thriving at her school. We wish you the best of times."

OP posts:
chocolateorsalad · 31/01/2015 16:17

Your brother is unreasonable for sending such a dramatic email. "Dread"?! The only emotion such gifts should cause is confusion. Then just put them in the wardrobe or a drawer somewhere for a later date.

You are unreasonable for buying an item for a 7 year old. The age 5 item I can understand if it looks very small. But age 7? For a 3 year old? It's a bit odd. If I was buying clothes for someone's child and they didn't stock their age or the next one up, I'd buy something else in the right size, not buy yet another size up!

DS's grandad does this. But I just smile, say thanks, and pop them in the wardrobe. for the next 4 years We have packs of pants and several hoodies & jumpers that DS won't be able to wear for at least another 3 years. But I would never ask his grandad not to buy DS gifts anymore.

SoleSource · 31/01/2015 16:17

Yanbu

Your Brother and his DW are a pair of weirdo's.

"dread' over a Christmas present is PATHETIC

AgentProvocateur · 31/01/2015 16:17

Completely bizarre thing to send, but also huge overreaction from him. Unless his son is overweight and he thinks you're implying he's a complete porker.

outtahell · 31/01/2015 16:18

I wouldn't be pleased myself, though I wouldn't send the email.

I struggle to find room for all the crap we need currently, I would look on any gifts that would need to be hoarded for years as charity shop donations/things to be sold on FB selling groups.

Maybe DB wasn't sure how to nicely make sure any future presents from you wouldn't end up being got rid of/forgotten about in the attic.

Eva50 · 31/01/2015 16:18

It would be interesting to know what the "forgotton" Christmas gift was! It sounds from the OP that it may not have been a hit either.

They are overreacting but perhaps they feel they make a lot of effort for your two dc's and you don't do the same for their one.

CheshireCait · 31/01/2015 16:23

You weren't being at all unreasonable but you might have needed to explain the logic? His reaction was nuts though, regardless.

Sometimes it's better for your sanity to distance yourself. I think this might be one of those times.

DixieNormas · 31/01/2015 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 31/01/2015 16:28

Lol @ 'feeling of dread'.
It is not a bomb in the parcel.
Too melodramatic.

I thought the same a a pp above. They thought that it was an unwanted gift for your 7yr old and therefore an insult to their son.

Personally i always ask for bigger sizes so i have clothes for next years and i know what i ve got so i ll just buy the rest on sales because i know exactly what is missing for the next year.
But with people like your db and sil you should put a note explaining what you bought.
Or just give books, cheaper and non offensive.

magpieginglebells · 31/01/2015 16:33

I think we need to know what the last few gifts have been to make an informed choice...

PeppermintCrayon · 31/01/2015 16:33

Wtf? Surely you say thanks and then just exchange the gift!!

rinabean · 31/01/2015 16:34

He sounds like a massive twat. As you have bought this brand before and have more & older kids than him I reckon you know what you're on about with the sizing. It's like he didn't even bother to hold it up in front of his son, probably because he'd be back on the fainting couch if he raised his arms up. Jesus. There is no excuse for writing an email like this. He sounds absolutely unbearable. Upsetting? Dread? It was a t-shirt for crying out loud.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/01/2015 16:34

The email is totally over the top, out of order and ungrateful.

(However, if these were the presents DS received I would think - oh god. Thats so odd.)

cozietoesie · 31/01/2015 16:34

The trouble is, Laquitar that if you're minded to take offence at someone, you can take offence at anything they give you - including books.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/01/2015 16:37

Yeah, can you imagine? with books - how dare you get 'The Grufallo', 'Wimpy Kid,' 'Meg and Mog' whatever. We found it quite upsetting.

Baddz · 31/01/2015 16:38

Op...can I just Ask?
Why?
Why the far too large clothes?
Because that is quite an odd thing to do.
However, odd or not, that e mail is rude and a bit hysterical.
I have had clothes far to big for my dc as gifts before now.
I say thank you and out them away for the future.

pleaseclosethedoor · 31/01/2015 16:40

I think it's a bit odd to buy clothes for a 7 year old if the child in question is only 3. But I also think his email is melodramatic and yes, fairly unreasonable.

Baddz · 31/01/2015 16:40

...and I think assuming "the wife" is behind it is really Hmm
She may have had a word with him, but he wrote the e mail and sent it.
The op has stated they are not close so why is it the wife's fault?

Laquitar · 31/01/2015 16:44

Ha ha you are right Cozie and John !

KateMosley · 31/01/2015 16:47

I don't believe for a nano second OP doesn't remember what she bought the child for Christmas..she just doesn't want to admit it.

A tshirt aged 7 for a 3 year old is weird, but his reply was just rude.

I suspect a long line of what he perceives as thoughtless, crappy gifts and has finally snapped.

Summerisle1 · 31/01/2015 16:50

I suspect a long line of what he perceives as thoughtless, crappy gifts and has finally snapped.

Agree. But to be honest, that's just life. I hardly know anyone who hasn't got (or had) a relative who couldn't be guaranteed to send odd presents. You just laugh. Or even if you can't laugh, you certainly don't send ludicrously over-dramatic emails to the Weird Gifter.

Floggingmolly · 31/01/2015 16:52

He "snapped", Kate?? They're gifts (totally non obligatory gifts) for his child. That's not something which should send a reasonably sane person over the edge, no matter what they're comprised of.
The amount of posters going "yeah, well it was a weird gift..." is astounding Hmm

FriendlyLadybird · 31/01/2015 16:54

That's a HORRIBLE email. I would be devastated if either of my brothers wrote to me like that. Thankfully, I know they never would.

WineWineWine · 31/01/2015 16:55

I would have thought it was very odd and not very thoughtful

He probably thinks they were your ds' rejects!
This was my thought too.

I wouldn't have written an email like that though.

Hulababy · 31/01/2015 16:55

I wouldn't have sent the email not refuse to exchange gifts in future.
But I would be bemused by receiving age 7y clothes for a 3yo. The age 5y would possibly seem big but less strange.

I assume neither fit the child so are totally unusable gifts at least for the next few months or year or more. Doesn't seem an ideal child gift really. Though I would only buy clothes for a young child if it was asked for.

quietlysuggests · 31/01/2015 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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