AIBU to think my DB WBU to send me this email?

[dougierose]

I quote:

"Dear XX

Thanks for the thank you card. Thanks also for the teapot and mugs.

I am however perplexed by the presents you gave [XX ( his son) XX]. Clothes for a five and a seven year old. Five, I could just about understand, as something to grow into in a couple of years, although we thought it a little peculiar, when paired with a card for a three year old. Seven, I'm sorry, makes no sense whatsoever. XX [his wife] and I found it quite upsetting.

I really don't want to have to experience a feeling of dread every time we get something from you, which is the case now. I would therefore prefer not to exchange cards or presents in the future.

I'm very pleased to hear that you have found a nice house that that [XX your son, ie my own son] is settling into the new school and [XX your daughter, ie my own DD] is thriving at her school. We wish you the best of times."

Buying clothes for other people is always a bit of a minefield, which is why I rarely do.

But he is very, very peculiar to be upset; experience a sense of dread on opening a present containing a too big T-shirt; and choosing to cut contact.

Am logging off now but thank you all - a mixed bag and for those of you who said I was wrong, I take your point.

x

He sounds as if he's been imbibing after a row with his wife started by (but not wholly about) your presents. Just something about that pedantic turn of phrase in his email.

You bought two gifts for your nephew that you clearly put thought into. You wrapped them and bothered to take them to the post office. Jeez, what a vulgar and ungrateful shit your brother is. The gift is not even for him! I feel really sorry for you OP - you have done nothing wrong here. Stay dignified.

You weren't wrong.

Your gifts were weird, not all children are bigger than sizing, my own son is always in the smaller end (ie he is 6, wears 5-6 and even 4-5) but that's not the point. He's a rude weirdo.

He sounds like a total princess, feelings of dread indeed

But yeah, clothes for years away is a strange gift.

I also don't understand about them being on the small side, my ds has always been very averagely slim, ever so slightly taller than his peers but fitted into sizes for his current age.

Some brands, like next or m&s will be a bit bigger and Zara and boden (for example) less so, but he could always wear all of them at the age state don't he label.

Age stated on the label*

YANBU. DS's godmother has just bought him an age 6 T-shirt (he's 4) - she buys them on her travels to exotic places and her logic is that he won't want a T-shirt till the summer, and Peruvian children are on average a bit smaller than English ones, so an age 6 one will fit him this summer. I follow her logic, and even if I didn't I'd have been happy that she thought of him on her travels! If she bought him something six sizes too big I'd be a bit but would still write a thank you letter for the kind thought.

See I don't know that it as obvious you put thought into the gift. Ok you've explained the thought process on here but the items just seem so random given the sizing! He's being a dick to email though, most people just say thanks even when they don't particularly like the gift. It's called manners!

I have a relative who sends gifts which are clearly whatever dregs could be found on the last of the sales rail.

It means sizes, styles etc are all a bit off, and clearly aren't chosen because this person likes them or saw them and thought would suit the recipient.

If I'm honest, is happily forego those gifts, but would never say so. It's still kind that they've gone to the effort.

I imagine that, to him, it seems like you've sent stuff you've put no thought into. I do think the age 7 is a bit odd - you should have sent it next year.

Maybe phone and explain. This would be more useful than justifying your choice to MN

I have a relative who sends gifts which are clearly whatever dregs could be found on the last of the sales rail

Yes I must admit this is what I would think (but still would say a polite thank you)

1. Getting a t-shirt for a child which is too big should NOT upset anyone - getting a t-shirt that says 'My parents are twats' might, but just a slightly too large shirt? They are melodramatic.
2. Opening a present which you think isn't quite right for your child should not inspire 'feelings of dread' in anyone. A head in a box, a diseased rat with a bow on it, a death threat - all perfectly reasonable reasons to feel 'dread', but a t-shirt? How little does he have going on in his life that this is enough to give him a feeling of dread.

OP - it might have been better to include some of the reasoning behind your choices in a card or separate text to your brother, but even if you had sent 'normal' sized clothes then an eyeroll and a bit of a confused shrug would be the absolute maximum reaction that a normal person would have had. It sounds like he is looking for reasons to fall out with you - is he usually this odd?

Unless there is a backstory where you sent his infant e-fags or similar, then he is wildly unreasonable and rude. Reply that until he stops being such a drama queen you believe all communication should stop.

What a ridiculous overreaction. He or his wife who I'm betting is behind all this bollocks need to get over themselves. I wouldn't even bother justifying myself over something so stupid. It's not like the clothes will never be worn or are too small. Even though they are clearly devastated and distraught I bet you their son is wearing the bigger shirt next year.

I wouldn't respond. Once he sobers wakes up, let him stew over what he's written. If he doesn't realize how harsh it is and do something to make amends, I wouldn't much want to continue the relationship.

www.redbubble.com/people/rawrclothing/works/10303011-my-dad-is-such-an-asshole?p=t-shirt

Send this one ^. I feel they may really start to dread your future gifts then.

They were "upset" by it?

At worst they would be a bit annoyed.

My 3 year old wore between a 4 and a 5 (maybe a 6 at a stretch) depending on the brand. A 7 would have been way big, but still you can always put it to the side.

Your brother's email is very rude. how ungrateful and hurtful

Also for a child clothes that are bought to be put to the side aren't much fun. I disagree that clothes are never fun though. My kids love the clothes we buy them but they have all their favourite things on them

My MIL does exactly this. This year she got DS aged 11 a shirt aged 14 for Christmas. Great - something else for us to store away for three years till it fits . Me and DH think it's weird but would never say anything except thank you. The email was ott.

Disregarding the slight surprise that you might get on discovering that your 3 year old had been sent an aged 7 T-shirt, his response is ludicrously dramatic. "Dread". ffs? Only unless there's some sort of backstory that we aren't getting, your DB must be an epically Special Snowflake to have that sort of emotional response.

Still, at least you won't have to worry about presents in future.

Do they have a hang up about their DS's size?

The clothes may have been the wrong size, but OP's brother sounds like an ungrateful twat. The email is oddly formal too, and if I was you OP, I'd not bother replying, in case he gets a feeling of dread again, poor lamb.