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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish DP could drive??

89 replies

BroodySince22 · 31/01/2015 08:52

Hello! Grin
I have been driving for about 4 years now, started learning to as soon as I was of age. While I love driving and the freedom that comes with,I just find it slightly irritating that DP can't drive and I have to whenever we go anywhere, I just wish he could drive and had a car so that he could equally share the load of droving sometimes. Its especially annoying when we go somewhere for a meal where he can drink anytime he wants and I can't have one because I'm driving. Just having a bit of a moan I think but he can afford to learn to drive but there's no real desire in him to do it as he gets people to give him lifts to and from work. Something I've rarely had which forced me to learn to take myself places, not relying on others! He never offers to pay parking fees or towards petrol either. AIBU to want him to learn to drive? (I find it more attractive when men can drive aswell)

OP posts:
Altinkum · 31/01/2015 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkdelight · 31/01/2015 08:58

Yanbu. The number of people on here whose problems could be solved by being able to drive is staggering. Mind you, then they'd probably be starting parking threads.

Nolim · 31/01/2015 08:59

Stop being his taxi driver. He can decide to learn to drive or find alternative transportation.

FluffyRedSocks · 31/01/2015 09:01

I'd just say to him next time you go out that you fancy a drink this time so can he order a taxi?
Notice the he, he should pay for this.

I think if he's happy to pay for a taxi then it's a non problem, although I suspect your going to come back and say he isn't :/

toomanyostriches · 31/01/2015 09:04

This would annoy me. If he chooses not to drive that's up to him, but he shouldn't expect you and others to chauffeur him around at your expense.

Does he offer his colleagues money when they give him lifts? If not they must be getting fed up of it by now. Or if he does then why doesn't he show you the same courtesy?

Have you broached the subject with him? I would sit him down and explain that you feel the current situation is unfair to you and that he has two choices:
A.) Learn to drive
B.) Start contributing towards your petrol, parking fees and paying for the occasional taxi so that you can have a drink when you go out together.

Seriouslyffs · 31/01/2015 09:06

YANBU
I'm ashamed of it but I find a man who can't drive irritating.

mupperoon · 31/01/2015 09:09

If you feel like you're being used as a taxi service then ask him to pay!

My husband doesn't drive because he doesn't like it and never passed, but he pays for petrol and put half of the money towards the car. He's very appreciative of my efforts.

This isn't a problem for me as I love driving and would probably hate to let him share the car!

mywholelifeisaheadache · 31/01/2015 09:09

Yanbu one of the many annoyances about an ex was his inability to drive. He's 33 now and still can't drive! I pity his poor girlfriend

Only1scoop · 31/01/2015 09:09

Yanbu....

I had a boyfriend once who couldn't drive and like you it drove me mad.

It didn't work out for us his lack of 'drive' contributed Wink

StevieWonderWoman · 31/01/2015 09:11

YANBU
I think that he should either pay for a taxi or learn himself. I doubt he is footing the bill for your tax/insurance/mot/service.
I think it is rather odd when people don't learn to drive unless medical reasons state they cannot do so.

INeedSomeHelp · 31/01/2015 09:13

My XH couldn't drive and I found it very irritating. Not the being unable to drive as such but more because he always expected me to drive him everywhere but never contributed to petrol, cost of the car, repairs etc because it was my car.
It wasn't the only reason we split but it was definitely a factor.

MinceSpy · 31/01/2015 09:14

It would annoy me. We both drive and share driving duties. I'd be up front and ask for petrol money and I wouldn't give him lifts

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 31/01/2015 09:59

YANBU. Why should you have to take the burden of it while he gets ferried around? The problem is he'll have no incentive to learn unless people stop giving him lifts.

I'm pregnant and it annoys me that I'm expected to drive to meals out etc as I can't drink anyway, so it would really annoy me if I had to do it all the time!

Driving gives you so much freedom that I don't understand why people who can afford it won't learn.

orangefusion · 31/01/2015 10:14

My ex (a narcissist) couldn't or wouldn't drive. He preferred to be chauffeured around like an entitled twat. One time he got in my car and took out a bottle of wine and poured himself a glass. I stopped and chucked him out- tosser.
Since then I've noticed the not driving thing goes quite closely with narcs.
Stop driving him around and or make sure he pays half of the car costs if you are plus taxi fare when you want to drink and not drive.

RedRideMeGood · 31/01/2015 10:43

XP couldn't drive and it was infuriating at times. I learnt to drive as soon as I found out I was pregnant and passed my test at about 32 week. DS is now 4 and XP is still thinking about learning to drive. He was even offered free lessons (my parents were going to pay) so he could be put on my insurcould to drive me to hospital and help out a bit with things when DS was a newborn. I always found it really unattractive that he couldn't drive and saw it as him not wanting responsibility.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 10:53

Yanbu at all, if you go out share a cab, if he asks to take him somewhere, say no if you don't want to. If you go out for the day, go by public transport. I am saying this as a a non car driver (failed test 4 times, I have dyslexia and dyspraxia). I hope to start learning again once ds starts school.

littleleftie · 31/01/2015 10:59

He sounds immature and selfish.

You can dump him if you want you know...............

ExitPursuedByABear · 31/01/2015 11:03

Next time you go somewhere, you drive and let him make his own way.

Idle git.

PtolemysNeedle · 31/01/2015 11:03

YANBU

I find it really unattractive when a man can't drive, there's something really infantile about it. I'd get over it if he was gracious about it and offered to pay for petrol, parking, taxis when going out together and made effort not to take advantage, but if he can't drive and does nothing to try and make up for that,I would lose respect for him pretty quickly.

tak1ngchances · 31/01/2015 11:10

I get so mortified reading these threads. I have a proper driving phobia which I am really trying to overcome.
I never ask people for lifts though and I pay half of everything on the family car

JudgeyHotPants · 31/01/2015 11:12

I don't understand people who don't want to learn to drive. I'm not talking about people who can't drive due to health reasons, but those who just genuinely have no desire to learn. It gives you independence and improves your employment prospects, I can think of nothing worse than having to rely on other people for lifts or public transport.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 11:12

Ptole what an awful thing to say and think. What if he can't drive because of disability, or is just not able to master it. Does not make him a lesser human being. Driving is a skill like any, some people can, some people cannot. What I don't like is when non drivers take the piss and put us into a bad light.

Feminine · 31/01/2015 11:14

Oh my.
A bit of ridiculous sexisum on this thread.
Why should a man have to drive anymore than a woman?
I get that it can be annoying, but no man has to drive?

DelphiniumBlue · 31/01/2015 11:16

Lazy and tight! Hope he has some good qualities.

SunnyBaudelaire · 31/01/2015 11:17

it would be fine if he was paying for taxis or chipping in for petrol etc. Tell him you are his GF not his fuking chauffeur.