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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish DP could drive??

89 replies

BroodySince22 · 31/01/2015 08:52

Hello!
I have been driving for about 4 years now, started learning to as soon as I was of age. While I love driving and the freedom that comes with,I just find it slightly irritating that DP can't drive and I have to whenever we go anywhere, I just wish he could drive and had a car so that he could equally share the load of droving sometimes. Its especially annoying when we go somewhere for a meal where he can drink anytime he wants and I can't have one because I'm driving. Just having a bit of a moan I think but he can afford to learn to drive but there's no real desire in him to do it as he gets people to give him lifts to and from work. Something I've rarely had which forced me to learn to take myself places, not relying on others! He never offers to pay parking fees or towards petrol either. AIBU to want him to learn to drive? (I find it more attractive when men can drive aswell)

OP posts:

SorchaN · 31/01/2015 12:19

I have a friend who didn't want to learn to drive. She said it scared her and she didn't think she'd be very good at it. I love driving, so I didn't really understand (but I wasn't giving her lifts everywhere; we were just talking about it). Eventually, in her late 30s, she got a new job that meant she needed to learn to drive, so she gritted her teeth and went for it. She passed her test, but she was right - she's not all that good at it. And she gets nervous and flustered behind the wheel, even years later. Some people just aren't good drivers and they might know that without even having tried to learn! But surely all non-drivers know they're supposed to offer petrol money, at least for regular lifts.

bilbodog · 31/01/2015 12:21

My DH doesn't drive due to epilepsy so obviously I knew this when we got together - but there are times when I would dearly love him to be able to drive. We have a fairly traditional marriage and I do all the cooking so when we were inviting MIL over for dinner/lunch (and she doesn't drive) I would have to drive 45 mins to get her, cook, drive her back. I had to do all the taxiing around when the kids were teenagers, all the shopping, etc. I know he can't help it so I try not to get cross - but if he didn't have a medical issue it would drive me mad. I also don't know how people manage to get jobs without cars (I know city/London is different) - made sure our DCs learnt to drive and got them small cars as soon as we could - made a massive difference to me. Also means we are limited in where we can live as DH has to be able to walk to a train station - takes 20 minutes from where we live so that puts 40 minutes on top of any comuting time. He works in Sales so does travel round the country a lot of trains but if he could drive it would be so much easier for him - so he doesn't have it easy!

If anyone does find it hard to cope with the practicialities of gear changing etc. why not just get an automatic car?

Lweji · 31/01/2015 12:24

bilbodog
The problem with your MIL was not that your OH didn't drive. It was that she wouldn't get a taxi or public transport, and he didn't make the bloody meal.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 12:25

The same with ferrying the kids.
Did he do any cleaning, washing up, laundry? Did he go shopping with you, or to the local shops?
The problem was if he unloaded it all to you.

outtahell · 31/01/2015 12:28

I can't drive and neither can my partner. We walk, use buses and very occasionally book a taxi.

Sometimes a friend might offer to swing by and pick one of us up to hang out somewhere and we'll usually accept, but that's not a regular thing.

It'd be good to know how to drive and have a car as it means not having to rely on the buses so much but we can't afford lessons/a car/insurance right now and the parking round here is already insane anyway.

I think it's ok not to drive, but you shouldn't just expect everyone else to give you lifts (although you'd hope most would try to help on an emergency.) When my DP and I go out for a meal/drinks we just go somewhere we can stumble home from.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 12:34

judgyhotpants like name like nature. Yes it is for some people, it requires certain cognitive skills which some people just are weak at or do not have. Just because you find it easy, does not mean others do. Just because someone finds Algebra easy, does not mean every one should. Its one thing to drive a car, but you also have to drive it safely, and be able to divide your attention, react to danger in an instant, which some people just find hard.

weegiemum · 31/01/2015 12:39

I failed my test 4 times and then became medically unfit to drive (I have no feeling in my hands, very little in my feet).

Dh does all the driving but I'm starting lessons in an automatic soon.

We organise things so that it doesn't all fall to him - use trains/coaches if we can (last year a long weekend in London), break journeys for fun (like last summer we went to Cornwall from Glasgow, and had a stop on the way down at Alton Towers and on the way back with friends in Wales).

I've a secret plan to pass my test this year. Then I'm eligible for a Motability car and that will give me and the dc so much more freedom!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 31/01/2015 12:43

Yabu to expect your dp to drive, it is entirely his choice if he doesn't want to.

Yanbu to stop offering him lifts everywhere, you are not obliged to and if he doesn't drive he has by default chosen to get public transport instead. You aren't obligated to ferry him around.

I'm really shocked by some of the views on this thread, as SGB says driving is bad for the environment and roads are overcrowded, so advocating that everyone should drive is ridiculous.

JudgeyHotPants · 31/01/2015 12:44

SolidGoldBrass I don't think the OP is the one needs to get over herself. Yours is a typical Townie, in fact I'm guessing a Londoner attitude. Public transport on the whole is not very good in this country (unless you live in London obviously) I live in a huge sprawling industrial town which I think is probably classed as civilisation, but public transport here is shit. We have a train station where you can get about one train every hour or so to the next big town, and then you have to get a connecting train from there to every big city (Manchester, Liverpool, London etc).

Bus links around the outer suburbs to the town centre are Ok, but links to the satellite villages and communities on the outskirts (where I live) are not so good and in fact many of these services have been cut in recent years leaving about one bus every few hours from these places. For a lot of people around here if you don't drive your fucked in terms of employment opportunities, unless you want to spend a fortune on taxis.

So why don't you get over yourself.

expatinscotland · 31/01/2015 12:46

Stop being a free taxi for him then, OP. I would have dumped him after a few dates at most. The not offering for petrol or parking especially.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 12:46

I don't believe that driving is a skill that some just can't master.
FFS, driving is not a very difficult skill! If it was do you think so many people would manage it?

I think this was what SGB was referring to. Not the lack or not of public transport.

Pixa · 31/01/2015 12:47

I am another non-driver, it was a phobia after a friend passed away due to a car accident whilst I was taking my lessons, however, I pay half towards DH car and always offer to pay for the taxi if we are going out for an evening to drink. I will learn again, hopefully this year. I would be mortified if my DH thought I thought of him as a taxi service...

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 12:51

So op has to put her foot down and stop enabling him. He has the right not to drive if he doesent want, but op gas a right to say no to lifts.

drudgetrudy · 31/01/2015 12:54

Some people genuinely find driving a difficult skill.
I live in a rural area and i do drive out of necessity -I hate driving.
He is unreasonable to scrounge lifts without paying though

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