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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish DP could drive??

89 replies

BroodySince22 · 31/01/2015 08:52

Hello!
I have been driving for about 4 years now, started learning to as soon as I was of age. While I love driving and the freedom that comes with,I just find it slightly irritating that DP can't drive and I have to whenever we go anywhere, I just wish he could drive and had a car so that he could equally share the load of droving sometimes. Its especially annoying when we go somewhere for a meal where he can drink anytime he wants and I can't have one because I'm driving. Just having a bit of a moan I think but he can afford to learn to drive but there's no real desire in him to do it as he gets people to give him lifts to and from work. Something I've rarely had which forced me to learn to take myself places, not relying on others! He never offers to pay parking fees or towards petrol either. AIBU to want him to learn to drive? (I find it more attractive when men can drive aswell)

OP posts:

sanquhar · 31/01/2015 11:43

typical "well i can do it so everyone should be able to do it too" mentality from judgeyhotpants there.

i suppose you are an expert machine and hand knitter? an expert pastry chef? an expert welder? lace make? macrame expert? etc etc..

not everyone can learn the same skills as other people

Egghead68 · 31/01/2015 11:44

No one should have to drive. If you don't want to drive him around that's fine too. That's what buses, trains, taxis, bikes and walking are for.

formerbabe · 31/01/2015 11:45

I also think that if a man can't drive you miss out on the whole date thing where he picks you up, drives you to a restaurant...I used to appreciate that. You feel like you are being taken out which is a bit old fashioned but nice I think.

Further down the line in a relationship, I wonder what happens if you have a baby and he can't drive you home from the hospital.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 11:46

About being in reverse, my mother and a good friend have driving licences but they don't drive and they couldn't now. (IMO it has to do with their husbands, but that is another problem...)
I despair of them as well, because they are so reliant on them, but... my mother is happy to get a taxi or public transport, or walking, and she is already planning on it for when my dad (probably soon) stops driving. And my friend also walks about a lot and uses public transport. I offer her lots of lifts but I know she doesn't rely on me for them. I treat her just the same as a male friend who doesn't have a car (but has a driving licence).

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 11:46

I agree, so all these car drivers who managed it, can swim, do systematic equations in their head, can run 5 miles. Driving is a very difficult skills, some cannot do it. There are some really crap drivers on the road who really shouldent be there, just because you pass a test, does not make you a good driver.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 11:46

I wonder what happens if you have a baby and he can't drive you home from the hospital.
You get a taxi.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 11:47

Or you drive yourself...

Whippet81 · 31/01/2015 11:48

People are entitled to their opinion though - we all have things that we think that are probably 'wrong' but I too find people who don't drive particularly irritating.

I once went on a date with a lovely man but early on it transpired he didn't drive and didn't have a mobile phone. I didn't bother taking it any further - we lived quite far apart - can you imagine the arse-ache that would have been?

It's fine if you live in the city and can hop on a bus but there is one bus an hour out of my village and the nearest train station is probably 40 mins away by bus.

I have a lovely work colleague who was devastated to have his licence taken off him for medical reasons - we all took turns picking him up and covering things at work that he really needed his car to do until he was given it back - that's a very different situation to someone who 'just never fancied it' yet expects other people to chauffeur them about everywhere.

orangefusion · 31/01/2015 11:50

Automatics are wonderful, after years of not getting the point of an automatic, I now have one and will never go back stick shifts.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/01/2015 11:52

Orange I look forward to trying it. I have found an automatic driving school for people with learning difficulties, and anxiety. They sound very good.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 11:53

The key here is the not even trying to get the license and expecting other people to make up for it.
I take a dim view of it for both men and women.

Not if they have tried and failed. Or sort out their own transport needs happily without relying on other people.

PtolemysNeedle · 31/01/2015 11:54

Aeroflot, you are turning this thread to be about you and your situation, which is completely different to the OPs.

I realise we all bring our own experiences to our posts, but it is good to recognise the significant differences that make our own situation irrelevant even when replying to an OP whose situation runs along the same lines.

JudgeyHotPants · 31/01/2015 11:55

FFS, driving is not a very difficult skill! If it was do you think so many people would manage it?

SolidGoldBrass · 31/01/2015 11:55

I always find this mindset wierd, perhaps because I have always lived in civilisation cities with decent public transport. I don't drive (technically I can but have not done so for about 30 years) and the majority of my friends are car free. Unless OP lives in some rustic backwater with one bus a week, she needs to get over herself. The obsession with private car ownership is dreadful for the environment.

IHeartChristmasMoomies · 31/01/2015 11:55

YANBU. My husband doesn't drive, but when we had a car he never just expected me to drive him places - even when he was doing night shifts that ended at 7am. I often offered though.

misskatamari · 31/01/2015 11:56

My DH can't drive either and it is annoying at times. He learnt when a teenager but never took his test and never needed to drive. He started lessons again when I was pregnant but didn't get round to his test - although he luckily did manage to get me to hospital in labour (I could definitely not have driven myself as is suggested up thread!!!). It is a pain always having to be the driver and I hope now baby number 2 is on the way he starts learning again and passes his test! But at the end of the day you can't force someone to learn. For dates I'd just get a taxi if you want a drink OP, and speak to him about sharing car park costs etc if driving, maybe it just hasn't occurred to him.

FuckOffGroundhog · 31/01/2015 11:58

Unless OP lives in some rustic backwater with one bus a week, she needs to get over herself

"he gets people to give him lifts to and from work.....He never offers to pay parking fees or towards petrol either."

That's why she doesn't need to "get over herself"

sanquhar · 31/01/2015 11:59

so you have dyspaxia or fibromyalgia or any of the other illnesses that can give you brain fog and still passed your test then, judgeypants?

or are you in good health and have no problems with sudden brain block?

Lweji · 31/01/2015 12:02

although he luckily did manage to get me to hospital in labour (I could definitely not have driven myself as is suggested up thread!!!)

FROM hospital, not TO. Different things.
Reading is also not a difficult skill.

ShebaRabbit · 31/01/2015 12:02

We lived rural and my townie DH resisted driving for a couple of years, it became a dealbreaker as I was fed up driving him everywhere. It took him 3 driving instructors to find the right one for him.
He learned finally as his job changed and he needed to, I think his female boss put slightly more pressure on than she needed to , he had obviously been moaning in work about me forcing him to drive.
Start getting taxis when you want to have a drink and making him pay. Its not rocket science and unless you live in the centre of a big city or have a serious visual impairment or something similar there's no excuse. My DH has dyspraxia and was incredibly nervous about traffic but he managed it as he simply had no choice if he wanted to keep me and his new job that he loved.
He says it gave him great confidence and he's sorry he didn't do it years ago. He also didn't want to drive as he knew he'd need glasses to do so and didn't want them.He's not a Nigel Mansell type and if its snows or its icy I'll do the driving as I am the more skilful at it but its invaluable to have both partners driving- cheaper for insurance too.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 31/01/2015 12:03

Feminine, I know! If a woman came on and said she couldn't drive I doubt very much she would be called lazy, tight, selfish and immature

There are many things I would avoid in a partner but not being able to drive ever featured on the list. Why on earth should it?

Some people just don't want to. If not confident enough to do it then they are making the safest decision by not doing it. Some don't for medical reasons or environmental.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 12:05

I suspect he was called "lazy, tight, selfish and immature" mostly because of his attitude to the people driving him around and not even trying to learn, but needs people to drive him, not the fact that he doesn't drive.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 12:11

He started lessons again when I was pregnant but didn't get round to his test - although he luckily did manage to get me to hospital in labour

And your OH drove you to hospital without having passed his test and without being insured? Nice.
Couldn't you have called a taxi instead?

Mamus · 31/01/2015 12:13

I don't drive or particularly want to. Some of you are really weird about this being a major deficit! But neither do I expect people who do drive to ferry me around. If you don't want to do a load of driving, just say so.

Skatingfastonthinice · 31/01/2015 12:16

My OH can't drive, it's never been an issue because he's prepared to walk, take public transport and not be a scrounger of lifts. He's been given lifts by friends, but that's very different to expecting them.
OP, I'm horrified that he drove you home from hospital if that's what you meant. We got a taxi, like responsible adults would.

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