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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? Hmm What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” Hmm. Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:
AndreaZuckerman · 29/01/2015 15:10

I neglect to mention that no thought was given to where i was placed at the meal - a table full of couples where i felt like a right plum.

This is a wind up, has to be, no one can be that delusional.

OP I know this may be hard to understand, and may well take some time to get over, but the world doesn't revolve around you! Now, take some time to digest that little bit of information, and maybe go easy on yourself as it may take some time to adjust from being so far up your own arse. Hmm

KitKat1985 · 29/01/2015 15:11

Surely this is a reverse?

If not I agree the plus one thing is a tad annoying and a bit odd, but the rest of it I don't get at all? So she asked you of you were okay after your break up, gave you a present and tried not to be 'me, me, me' on her wedding day - surely these are good things? And surely it's normal for people to say nice things about the bride on her wedding day? If this isn't a reverse then yes YABVU and clearly jealous.

Kewcumber · 29/01/2015 15:11

Yes she has changed, you're right.

She sounds like she's grown up a bit and maybe you're not ready for that.

I split up with my boyfriend after the invites to my sisters wedding had gone out, it would never have occurred to me to bring a stranger to her wedding when I was a bridesmaid. You are there to support her not entertain your new squeeze. And you asked TWO DAYS before? Jesus woman you should consider yourself to have a very good friend that she was prepared with two days notice to invite anyone at that stage rather than whining about how she knew your mum was on holiday. I hardly think it was upper most in her mind in the few days running up to her wedding.

As for moaning about how she didn't drink with you (as if pregnancy could be the only possible reason not to drink Hmm) when she drank with other people the same week... how old are you 12?!

And how very dare people say how lovely she is on her wedding day especially her fiancee, and as for her asking how you were. The bitch.

I'd go no-contact immediately I think you are absolutely not her friend anymore and it will also spare us the opposite thread from the bride in question too.

ILovePud · 29/01/2015 15:12

I think LonnyVonny has it right too, that's how the real post would have read, come on fess up OP Wink. I like reverse threads!

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 15:12

I give up. I could list countless things that have upset me but i'm just going to leave it now. I have spoken about this guy a lot to her, he is not someone i plucked out of the air. I can think, just off the top of my head of lots of people at the wedding that she/they didn't know:

brides cousin brought new gf of a couple of months
work people of her husband that she hadn't met
friends of family she'd never met Hmm

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 29/01/2015 15:12

I think she possibly felt very awkward about you inviting a new boyfriend on a first date to her wedding (which is indeed bloody odd) and said the first thing she could think of.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 15:13

If this is a refers e, and the bride is wondering if she has somehow wronged her so-called friend, then let me assure you MsBride, you did everything a good friend could possibly have done, you sound like a lovely person, and if I were you, I would ditch Guestzilla pronto!

Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 15:13

I give up. I could list countless things that have upset me but i'm just going to leave it now. I have spoken about this guy a lot to her, he is not someone i plucked out of the air.

Then perhaps she wasn't overly impressed that you split with your ex whilst talking about a new man?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 15:14

A reverse, not a refer s..

Thurlow · 29/01/2015 15:14

This might come as a surprise to you, OP, but every now and then things happen in life that Aren't About You. And every now and again, you have to plaster a smile on and Be Nice. Oh, and also Be Happy For Someone Else.

I can see how these appear to be new concepts to you, but believe me, they're actually a very traditional part of Being a Grown Up.

GraysAnalogy · 29/01/2015 15:15

List the things that have upset you, and I bet we can counter them - because they're ridiculous

brides cousin brought new gf of a couple of months - yes that's because it's his/her partner, not just a date

work people of her husband that she hadn't met - it's his wedding day too, he can have his folk there too

friends of family she'd never met - presumably people who have been involved in the family for a while

None of that means she should have to allow some random fella to come to her wedding just so you can have a free date. None of that gives you the excuse to show such disregard and dislike towards her.

SilentBob · 29/01/2015 15:15

I'm sorry but if you were that cut up about your break-up then I'm struggling to think of a single reason that you, after 2 weeks, were dating again.

Heck, I'm not judging, I couldn't give a flying one, I'm just musing that it doesn't sound like you were that upset.

And and and... Might just be me and my circle of friends/colleagues/acquaintances but I have never had someone come cook for me following a break up, nor have I done this for anyone else, nor have I ever even heard of such a thing occurring in real life (ie not in Bridget Jones' diary.) You do sound a bit precious to be fair.

SukieTuesday · 29/01/2015 15:15

OP: AIBU?

MN: Yes, very much so.

OP: No I'm not. You're just not listening.

LadyLuck10 · 29/01/2015 15:15

I think she should dump you as a friend. You sound so bloody awful. Do you even have any friends?
You are so wrapped up in your drama filled head that you can't see you have a lovely , lovely friend.

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 15:16

"Sorry - you think she should have re-done her whole fucking seating plan just to accommodate you?"

The seating plan was easily changed - her family's table (where another single BM was sat) had a free space. I have known her family for years Hmm

The table i was sat at had a spare seat - my plus one aside - this was clearly where my ex was meant to sit. I wouldn't have been so thoughtless.

With regards to the "me me me" comment, i only mean that it seemed to me like she went out of her way to appear laid back almost as if to prove a point. She did comment that her sister was a nightmare bride and that she didn't want to be like that. I thought her sister was nothing of the sort.

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 29/01/2015 15:16

Reread your OP and have a think.

GraysAnalogy · 29/01/2015 15:17

With regards to the "me me me" comment, i only mean that it seemed to me like she went out of her way to appear laid back almost as if to prove a point. She did comment that her sister was a nightmare bride and that she didn't want to be like that. I thought her sister was nothing of the sort

Hahahahaha.

Oh god forbid a woman is nice enough to try to be modest.

Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 15:18

The seating plan was easily changed - her family's table (where another single BM was sat) had a free space. I have known her family for years hmm

Then why did you say you were sitting there like a 'plum' if you know them that well?

The table i was sat at had a spare seat - my plus one aside - this was clearly where my ex was meant to sit. I wouldn't have been so thoughtless.

Your Mum / Sister could have sat there.

Also how are you so cut up about your relationship ending, yet you are talking at great lengths with your friend about the guy at work?

Sounds like you were planning a new relationship - perhaps your best friend didn't think this was very nice?

You always had the choice not to go to the wedding.

Kewcumber · 29/01/2015 15:19

There are lots of people who get invited to a wedding because you should rather than because you want to. She drew the line at your brand new (so brand new the wrapping wasn't even off him yet) date with 2 days notice.

I don't blame her - she didn't have the head space to even think about rejigging her seating plan again

You're saying that your new boyfriend of two weeks should have been prioritised over colleagues of her husband?!

You just felt uncomfortable and you're trying to blame her for it, you think being a single woman without a man is a failure and I suggest you might want to think about valuing yourself and your friendship for what they are worth on their own without male input.

Or just accept that she's moved on to a new phase of her life and you are unable to be happy and compromise to stay friends with her.

If you're like this all the time I'm surprised she didn't drink when you went out.

AndreaZuckerman · 29/01/2015 15:20

Oh FFS OP get over yourself. Stop being so jealous of your friend and get on with your own life.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 29/01/2015 15:20

2 weeks before the wedding maybe changing a seating plan to accommodate her friend who has split up with her bf but who seems to have moved on pretty quickly was the last thing on her mind! Earlier you said it would have been a good chance for you and the date to get to know each other better, but then go on to say you've known him for ages and he was a really good friend!

You do really really have to learn that some things are not about you. This was one of them. I fail to see how anyone can be criticised for not making their wedding 'all about me me me'. Bizarre. She sounds lovely.

emotionsecho · 29/01/2015 15:22

This is all as clear as mudConfused.

Kewcumber · 29/01/2015 15:22

Ha ha ha ha - the more I read the more I am convinced this is a wind up!

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 15:22

You can hardly stand wandering around the room during the meal and talk to other people on other tables.

I am not preprared to go into detail about my ex - irrelevant - but there were lots of issues, namely a house we had to sell. We'd have split up long before last month had it not been for the house. My friend was one of many who said i should leave ex for 'work date' (for want of a better name) many months ago. She knows all about him. In fact she would have met him before the wedding if she'd been at my birthday (i forget the reason she couldn't come but i'll leave that bit unsaid)

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 29/01/2015 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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