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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? Hmm What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” Hmm. Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:
NakedFamilyFightClub · 29/01/2015 15:43

So, maybe you could send her a list of helpful improvements she could have made

*She could have cooked you a meal but brought all the ingredients and her own gas stove and pots
*She could have let you bring a first date she didn't know
*She could have rearranged the seating arrangement to suit you, although perhaps maybe her family just wanted to sit together and not with you.
*She shouldn't have asked if you were ok, she should have acknowledged you were sulking about not being allowed to bring first date work colleague and let you moan to her on her wedding day
*Her husband mistakenly made a lovely speech about her, instead of about you, your romantic troubles and how much more thoughtful you are
*She didn't drink with you, but she did with people who are married.

Does that cover all the points?

Or maybe you could just get over yourself?

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 29/01/2015 15:44

Sorry - should be an 'and' after speaking.

Kewcumber · 29/01/2015 15:44

*OP: AIBU?

MN: Yes, very much so.

OP: No I'm not. You're just not listening.*

Followed by

MN: yes we are listening, you're losing your marbles

OP: Ah but what you don't realise is ...

MN: nope still BU

OP: How about if I add....

MN: Nice try but nope - still as mad as a box of frogs.

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 15:45

GotToBe - i am hardly going to say anything am i?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 29/01/2015 15:45

I think she was unreasonable not letting you bring your new partner. A lot of weddings are showy and why not. If people want to get married in a dress from Oxfam and go to MacDonalds then fine. But if they want a big splash then why not.

If you asked if you could bring a new date she probably assumed you weren't still devastated about your break up. People always say how wonderful everyone is at weddings. Nobody really believes it but it's tradition.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 29/01/2015 15:50

I don't know, that's why I asked! Surely the options are to tell her you're upset and try and sort things out, carry on getting more and more annoyed by her or ditching her.

ScooseIsLoose · 29/01/2015 15:50

Give your head a wobble and grow up Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 15:51

You asked in your opening post if it would be unreasonable of you to say something to your friend - so forgive us for imagining you are thinking of saying something to her!

Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 15:52

You asked in your opening post if it would be unreasonable of you to say something to your friend - so forgive us for imagining you are thinking of saying something to her!

hahahaha!! this is keeping me thoroughly entertained!

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 29/01/2015 15:52

SDT Grin

Thurlow · 29/01/2015 15:54

I don't think I have laughed this much in weeks

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 15:56

Does it always get so nasty on here? Hmm

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 15:57

Does it always get so nasty on here? hmm

Have you listened to yourself for one minute?!

You are thoroughly nasty, you have contradicted yourself throughout, you have proven to be a spiteful, ungrateful and damn right awful friend, yet you accuse others of being nasty?!

I give up!

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 29/01/2015 15:58

I think the problem is that every single poster said that yes, you were being unreasonable (and you did ask, after all) but you are refusing to accept it. Which defeats the object of asking if you are being unreasonable.

TheFantasticFixit · 29/01/2015 15:58

Oh wow. WOW.

Christ on a bike OP. I imagine there was no room left at the wedding because your fucking GIGANTIC ego filled any and every available space in the room.

For the love of god, please leave this poor, lovely girl alone and get a fucking life.

Kewcumber · 29/01/2015 15:59

Does it always get so nasty on here? Hmm

Well its not known as the pit of vipers for nothing!

And the really awful thing is that the bitchier the thread the funnier they tend to be.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 16:00

FlowerPuff - I don't think anyone has said anything you haven't richly deserved, based on your posts on this thread.

You need to realise that everyone's lives do not revolve around you!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/01/2015 16:02

Give your head a wobble is one of my favourite phrases ever.

vindscreenviper · 29/01/2015 16:02

Oh noes, don't flounce yet op!
I've got to nip out for 20 minutes, when I come back I fully expect to read how she threw kittens instead of her bouquet and had cheap booze on the tables with a £150 corkage fee Grin

Kewcumber · 29/01/2015 16:03

Maybe there was a spare space on the table with her family but they didn't put you on it for a reason... just how well do her family know you?

antimatter · 29/01/2015 16:03

I can only imagine that very immature person would think is OK to bring to a wedding someone who they've been on a date couple of times.
And think that bride hasn't got right to choose who can attend her wedding!

fuzzpig · 29/01/2015 16:04

Has this really not been confessed revealed as a reverse yet?!

emotionsecho · 29/01/2015 16:05

OP, the crux of the matter is you are sulking because your friend said no to you, and because you didn't like that anything and everything else she has done/did/will do is a personal insult aimed straight at you.

Whatever the reasons for her saying no to your request she was well within her rights to refuse it. When you ask a question there are two answers available 'Yes' or 'No' and you should be equally prepared to accept whichever one you receive, you might not like the answer you receive but that's not the point.

Just get over it or find a friend who only ever says 'yes' to any request you make.

trulybadlydeeply · 29/01/2015 16:06

To answer your original question:

AIBU to say something?

Yes, I believe you would. She has obviously upset you, and being at a wedding was inevitably upsetting for you following such a recent break up, but nothing you say indicates that she has deliberately set out to upset you.

People change as they get older, particularly when they get married, settle down etc. This is normal. What you need to decide is whether you want to continue the friendship with your friend as she is now, or, for both your sakes, you withdraw. She will no doubt be hurt, as she obviously values the friendship highly if she asked you to be a bridesmaid, however it is not fair to string her along if you don't feel the same towards her any longer.

BafanaThesober · 29/01/2015 16:08

Of goodness, you sound like a loon.
IF I was your friend, I'd be distancing myself from you!