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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? Hmm What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” Hmm. Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:
MoanCollins · 29/01/2015 23:00

TinLizzie, God no, I wouldn't have minded at all. I would have been touched that you'd still come to share the day with us when such a rotten thing had happened and it would obviously have been tough. And I also wouldn't have wanted you to be alone when it had just happened. And I would also have hoped you had a bloody good time, got outrageously drunk and shagged the best man in some bushes.

But there is a big difference between being dumped on the morning and bringing a genuine friend as a last minute stand in to expecting your mate to accommodate a fuck buddy who's contributed to the breakdown of your recent relationship to come.

Bringing a friend in those circumstances is a lot more acceptable than bringing a boyfriend of 5 mins IMO.

MoanCollins · 29/01/2015 23:01

Just read that about the pool. Doubt she's the type to mind.Grin

YouTheCat · 29/01/2015 23:03

What Moan said, TinLizzie.

A good friend would see you might need a bit of moral support on a day like that and also that you wouldn't want to bother here with stuff when she had a wedding to concentrate on.

TinLizzie · 29/01/2015 23:14

One last post Hmm

youthecat good point. Actually what I did was paint on my happy face, decide that I'd deal with my disaster later, but wanted to be with my friend on her wedding day. And I genuinely did have a great time - better, in fact, without the fruitloop that was my then partner. Bride was surprised to see someone else, but didn't seem to mind. I only did it because I thought that what she'd paid would be wasted and she'd have hated that, although I wouldn't have dreamt of taking a (to her) stranger. And housemate was available, after mopping my temporary sobbing.

And the pool thing - it was fab but I should add that the bride took her dress off! Well... I guess she'd also spent a lot on her undergarments and all the old folk had gone home by then! All other guests remained covered, either in or out of pool, so it wasn't totally distasteful!

Taxi driver was great about it and friend I took gave me his suit jacket to sit on!! Perfect day...

bubalou · 29/01/2015 23:40

I keep checking back but no more from op.

Please come back. This is the best thread I've read in ages Smile

INickedAName · 30/01/2015 00:39

You sound extremely narcissistic OP. I mean this nicely but I hope this is a wind up or reverse because you sound unwell. I don't mean that in a snippy way but I think you sound jealous/obsessed with your friends life. You don't sound to like her very much but are annoyed that she spends more time with other friends or does things with them she doesn't with you. Keeping track of her drinking, other people she sees, etc are not what friends do. She is doing nothing wrong, you don't have a claim on her and if you feel she does things to make you feel like a loser then perhaps it's best to call it a day.

She has done absolutey nothing wrong and has gone above and beyond what some friends and brides would do, two weeks before her wedding she was round comforting and cooking for you, at a time when she'll have been stressed herself, hardly the actions of a thoughtless person. In fact she sounds lovely and took steps not to rub your face in her happiness on HER wedding day, if she talked about how great her life was (which would have been totally fine) you'd be complaining about that, if she let your date attend you would have complained about something else, I don't think she could have won no matter what she did. I'm glad it sounds like she had a great day and didn't allow your selfishness shit all over her day.

I think you need to work on your jealousy and end the friendship. If you end up feeling like a loser around her then it can't be healthy for you.

beanlovesb · 30/01/2015 00:45

can i ask, what is a "reverse"??

M00nUnit · 30/01/2015 00:49

beanlovesb it's explained further up the thread.

FoolishFay · 30/01/2015 00:50

It's where we find out that it's the bride who's actually posting about the situation, trying to get support for the fact that her recently dumped friend behaved like a complete tit at her wedding. I think.

beanlovesb · 30/01/2015 00:52

thanks foolish. I saw that others had asked but I couldn't see the answer to the question

TinLizzie · 30/01/2015 01:25

what's the point of a 'reverse'? Not sure I get why anyone would do that. How does it give a difference perspective if it's not from the point of view of the protagonist?

WildRunner · 30/01/2015 01:26

The night before my wedding (which was small), I'd arranged to take everyone out for dinner. Found out last minute (approx 4 hours before the meal) that my DM and DSF could join us - unexpectedly. Obviously delighted that all my parents (and step parents) could be with me, I rang the restaurant and they moved heaven and earth to squeeze the extra 2 in - to the extent that they had to bring in an extra table. My supposed best friend complained that my DM's attendance meant there was now 13 at table, so she couldn't possibly join. We made a table "annex" for her, but she had a proper face on her all night. We are no longer close. As if I needed any more complications the night before my wedding! You remind me of her, OP, and I'm sure you're friend will come to the same conclusion I did.

WildRunner · 30/01/2015 01:27

your Hate autocorrect

Mrsstarlord · 30/01/2015 05:40

Is anyone else wondering if the reason that op didn't get put with the family is that the family begged the bride to put her somewhere else?

McKayz · 30/01/2015 06:38

I feel really sorry for the bride. This friendship must be bloody hard work!

Yarp · 30/01/2015 06:46

I don't understand the title of this thread. Whose boring nonsense?

It suggests a reverse

Icimoi · 30/01/2015 07:20

I must say, I'm dead impressed that your friend took time out two weeks before her wedding to come round and cook for you and give you a shoulder to cry on. At that stage before my wedding I was running around with a million things to do and would have found it incredibly difficult to take that sort of time out.

And a few weeks later - during which period she's had the wedding, been on honeymoon and there's been Christmas - you're complaining that she doesn't spend as much time with you as with other friends? What on earth are you talking about?

Icimoi · 30/01/2015 07:22

I also don't get why it's in some way offensive not to drink when you meet up with friends. Surely the important thing is having the friends' company, not whether they're getting pissed with you?

Perfectlypurple · 30/01/2015 07:35

I don't think this is a reverse. It would have been revealed by now. I think the op is being very unreasonable. I don't get why she is upset at some of the things that were mentioned after the original post.

CuttedUpPear · 30/01/2015 07:44
Biscuit
Kewcumber · 30/01/2015 09:40

Mrsstarlord I must confess that had occurred to me Blush

poor old OP has wandered into the nest of vipers unwittingly. Come back OP - admit you were a bit of a tit (as someone put it) and we'll be nice to you...

PassTheGinBottle · 30/01/2015 09:49

Amazed this bollocks is still here this morning.

Osmiornica · 30/01/2015 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emotionsecho · 30/01/2015 12:12

If is is a film/tv storyline it sounds more Eastenders than anything elseGrin

Scoopmuckdizzy · 30/01/2015 13:22

Remember the sex and the city episode where carrie throws a party for herself to celebrate her?