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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” . Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:

hotfuzzra · 29/01/2015 14:47

"there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?”
You didn't think her asking you if you were ok, on her wedding day, was giving you thought?

Original poster

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:47

I re-read and appreciate that it may seem that way. My point is just that she is quite high and mighty now. I just felt that the date thing was a bit unreasonable especially as i would have otherwise taken my bf. I also appreciate the fact that she wouldn't have known my date, but it wouldn't have impacted her. Surely a good friend would appreciate that this would have been a good opportunity for me to have got to know this guy better? That's all i'm saying.

She wasn't ill, just high and mighty the other night. Only drinks once a week now apparently to save money yet went out with her other friend two nights before and i saw pics on fb of her drinking. It's as if she pities me which is really annoying. And she knew my mum couldn't come to the wedding because I told her months before that she may have been on holiday during her wedding. The fact that she didn't even bother to find this out before token inviting her is besides the point.

I didn't mean to come across selfish because I have done lots for her in the past. I just am struggling to get past the 'plus one' thing when everyone else had theirs. Hence my oldest 'friend' remark.

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 14:48

Blimey - this poor bride was 'damned if she did, damned if she didn't'! She was thoughtful and kind to other people on her wedding day, and did her best to make it not all about her - and she is being criticised for it! Most times we see brides criticised, it is because they are making the day ALL about them!

And she did 'give thought' to your recent break-up - she asked if you were OK! What more should she have done? Cancelled the wedding? Have the wedding, but nothing else to celebrate it - no reception, maybe, or cancel the cake or the flowers, perhaps? Spent the whole day holding your hand, mopping your tears, listening to your woes? On her wedding day!

A true friend would have put aside their sadness at their recent break-up to be happy for their friend.

And why would it matter to you that she doesn't drink when you go out?

Jbop · 29/01/2015 14:48

AIBU to say something?

What exactly would you say OP apart from that this is a reverse, and a poor one at that

What did your friend actually say to you?

silveroldie2 · 29/01/2015 14:49

You are being ridiculous and stupid - since you can only have known your new bf a matter of days if you split with your ex 2 weeks prior - I can quite understand why she wouldn't want a stranger at her wedding.

So what if she asked if you were ok? What was wrong in that?

I would stop being friends with her - she needs a better friend than you.

Original poster

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:50

hotfuzzra, you misunderstand me completely. Hard to articululate in text i think. My point is that obviously i wasn't ok, i don't want to be asked while she is clearly high as a kite on happiness. I am over the moon for her, i really am, but it just seems disingenuous.

OP posts:

maz210 · 29/01/2015 14:50

Guestzilla!

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

silveroldie2 · 29/01/2015 14:50

Forgot to add you sound like you're really jealous of her - get over it

Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 14:51

OP - you say you split up two weeks before the wedding, so assuming unless you met your new boyfriend the next day, he was literally a brand new boyfriend?

I wouldn't want someone I don't know coming to my wedding, especially if you had only been together such a short time.

GraysAnalogy · 29/01/2015 14:51

From this post I can see why she'd want to go out with her other friends instead.

It was her wedding day ffs. She did nothing wrong. She asked you were you okay so as not to make a big deal out of it for you. She tried to be not all me me me which you don't like, but then you disliked it when her husband spoke about how amazing she was? What did you actually want OP?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 14:52

And you have plenty of other days in the year to get to know your new man - her wedding day is something she wanted to celebrate with her friends, not a paid-for, catered date night for you. There are 364 other days in the year!

She had plenty of other things on her mind in the run-up to her wedding - why do you think she would have had the time or headspace to wonder if inviting your new man might be beneficial for you and him?

She also has every right to go out with whomever she wants, even if it is not you! And if she is trying to be a bit more frugal, a good friend would understand, and not moan about it.

bubalou · 29/01/2015 14:52

Sorry op. If this is genuine it's weird and very selfish.

None of us can fully comprehend what you mean about her by the vagueness of what you said.

It sounds like she was very supportive following your split with being there and cooking wtc and then God forbid she didn't want someone you've known for 2 weeks at her wedding

I wouldn't either! I find it weird you would invite someone to a wedding after 2 weeks.

As for her wedding day. It's her day! Did you want them to show less love for each other on their special day?

Maybe a special toast to just you?

GraysAnalogy · 29/01/2015 14:52

I never ever say this but this is down to one thing and one thing only, envy.

LovesBooks · 29/01/2015 14:53

Seriously? You are a terrible friend!

Your friend did nothing wrong she really made a effort for you when you broke up with your boyfriend and why should her wedding not be all about her. I am really struggling to understand what your problem is. I would not say anything to your friend, you will just appear daft.

Original poster

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:53

Number3 - my relationship was over long before we split 2 weeks before the wedding. The 'date' is someone I have worked with for a long time.

I deliberately haven't included things so as not to out myself but this was the icing on the cake for me. SHe had other guests at the wedding who brought people she doesn't know.

OP posts:

GraysAnalogy · 29/01/2015 14:53

i don't want to be asked while she is clearly high as a kite on happiness

no thought to my recent break up

Make your mind up OP

kissmethere · 29/01/2015 14:54

Aubu to say something?
Maybe "why did you make your wedding day about you and even take time to ask how I was??"
Don't understand about her refusing your plus one but maybe she didn't want to pay to entertain a complete stranger?
What do expect from your newlywed friend? She could be enjoying herself with dh for now.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 14:55

"hotfuzzra, you misunderstand me completely. Hard to articululate in text i think. My point is that obviously i wasn't ok, i don't want to be asked while she is clearly high as a kite on happiness. I am over the moon for her, i really am, but it just seems disingenuous."

Should she have been unhappy on her wedding day, just to make you feel better?

You do realise what a special day it was, for her and her new dh? Yet you would rather she had been less happy, to make you feel better? Charming!

AndreaZuckerman · 29/01/2015 14:55

So on HER wedding day your friend asks of you're ok after your recent break up and you're pissed off at her? She's now pregnant and not drinking and you think she's changed as a person?

Jesus Christ OP how old are you? You sound like my 8 year old. "Wah wah my friend got married and got pregnant will no on think of ME ME ME" This has to be a reverse, or OP is the most self centred person on the planet.

OP grow the fuck up!

SaucyJack · 29/01/2015 14:56

I don't really think a wedding at which you are the bridesmaid is really an appropriate first date for either you, him or the newlyweds.

Try a quick pint in the pub next time, ya?

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 29/01/2015 14:56

So you wanted her wedding day to be about you. Sorry OP but you sound awful.

Original poster

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:56

My comments have been taken massively out of proportion. I just think its better to not say something if you dont mean it. And as for her cooking for me before the wedding, what i should have said was that it was at my house, with my ingredients and some stuff she brought with her.

OP posts:

Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 14:56

SaucyJack haha!!

hotfuzzra · 29/01/2015 14:57

I think you are selfish and I can't believe you are so self absorbed to see that the bride didn't want a stranger there on her wedding day; that you were lucky she offered a family member to come; that who she drinks with and how often does not make her 'high and mighty'; that the fact that she thought to ask if you were ok at all, despite her being 'high as a kite' how dare she be super happy on her own fucking wedding day! means she is a good friend; and she probably wanted you there as a bridesmaid to help her, not spend time getting to know a stranger; paying £££ for a stranger to eat food very much does impact on her.
I'd also say you are not over the moon for her, you sound completely overcome by envy, and I feel sorry for you about that but try and be a bigger person.

Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 14:57

what i should have said was that it was at my house, with my ingredients and some stuff she brought with her.

Oh god yeah, what a terrible friend she is, coming to your house, cooking you food, with your own ingredients?

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